I (20F) and my boyfriend (28M) have been together for a couple of months now, we started off as acquaintances and things just hit off quick and I started to really liked him. He’s a good guy with good intentions and maybe it was his genuine personality that made me say yes. He’s all the green flags my past boyfriends weren’t but after a few months of being with him I think i’m starting to realize that i’m not actually ready to be in a relationship yet. I’m saying this because whenever we argue I just want to end things and he has this thing where whenever we argue he starts posting sad quotes and it gives me a major ick. And that thought makes me think i’m not ready to be in a relationship because I can’t sacrifice or compromise anything in my way of life right now for a guy and that’s not what a relationship is about I should meet with him halfway but I really really am not ready for that level of settling down. And he doesn’t give me this sense of security in a sense that he’s unemployed and I’m very particular in that area because I’m pretty serious about my future. I don’t see him as someone I can be stable with in the future but i’m having a hard time contemplating because he’s such a great guy and he’s so kind and he treats me sooo well and he’s already done so much for me. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore and I’m scared of what he’ll think if I end us just because I realized i’m not ready.
**tl;dr** I’m not ready to fold for someone, should I break up with him? Or should I give it more time?
4 comments
It’s quite simple, if you’re not ready, then end it. You’re still at the beginning. If you ain’t feeling it, then break up.
A little different perspective…
Well, some would say “just end it”… But I am not so sure. For one, it’s oversimplification. For another…
You are right, relationships do require compromises. After all, you aren’t by yourself and you’ve gotta make appropriate adjustments and accomodations.
But how do you learn to compromise? Not by being alone, or pursuing shallow, short hook-ups, that’s for sure.
And the effort you put into it can be very rewarding long-term… Or not.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide.
Ignore the person saying ‘give him more time’ – that’s stupid. If you’re not into settling down with this guy then don’t.
You don’t have to meet someone halfway when the differences between you are one of you doesn’t want to be in a relationship and the other one does. You’re young, you’re still learning what you want out of life and out of a partner, don’t let this older guy manipulate you into thinking he’s great.
He’s probably not that great, and you will find someone you actually want to be with – I promise.
I dont know if this is so much a case of “not ready to be in a relationship.” I think it’s more so “this guy is immature and I want to dump him.” Because a 28 year old man who responds to disagreements by posting sad quotes like a literal teenager is gross and immature.