My parents (60 m,f) are evangelical maga idiots, even before Trump hit the scene. Growing up I was never allowed to have differing opinions than them. Needless to say I grew up to be the exact opposite from what they wanted.
now an adult (31 f), when I spend time with my parents they don’t ask me anything about myself. They don’t care to have meaningful experiences with me. If they don’t ignore my suggestions and stories from my life, they judge them and say they’re inappropriate or not interesting to them. They only want to talk about their interests, their politics, and their judgments.
They invite me on their vacation trips. Most of these suck for me and I usually regret going. I feel like an accessory in their life. I don’t even know why I spend my time off and money to do this. I imagined being an adult who had loving and caring parents who treated them equally. But it’s not my reality.
We have another trip coming up. Roe v Wade ruling happened. they were jumping up and down celebrating this travesty. It’s the final straw for me. I’m disgusted thinking about how these people are my family. It makes me sick to think about being in the same room with them. so I texted and said I won’t be going on this trip in a few months. I didn’t say why, so they’re blowing my phone up. I would like to handle this in a mature way because I want to finally put my foot down and be heard. These people taught me to fear them and respect them no matter what for my whole life, it’s incredibly difficult to explain this without them thinking I’m just an ungrateful child and we’re fammmmmillyyyy so I should just get over it. I am ready to burn the entire bridge and feel that warmth though. I feel they should not get the benefit of being in my life when they are actively ruining it.
I would greatly appreciate any advice you could give.
TLDR: maga parents are unbearable, roe overturning was final straw. How can I explain I don’t want to go on their vacations anymore and am distancing myself from them without it seeming petty to them?
6 comments
Just tell them you can’t stand their views and cut communication with them. Just because someone is related to you by blood doesn’t mean you need to keep putting up with them.
“I won’t be seeing you on this vacation. Push it, and we can make that permanent.”
I really wish more people would realize that aging parents need (or will need) you MUCH more than you will need them. Parents got away with that bullshit when you were young and dependent. Tables have turned.
I went NC with my mom years ago. Not due to her politics, just due to her being awful and judgemental and me seeing her starting in on my newborn baby.
What I did was write an email full of all the things I had always wanted to say but held back on. I had a wakeup call like you did when I saw her criticizing my two week old infant and flashing back to all the times she did that to me. I wasn’t gonna let my kid grow up with that bullshit in his life.
With that feeling in my heart, I laid out everything, told her I never wanted to speak to her again, sent the email, then blocked the hell outta that psycho. It has been almost 16 years and my life has been so much more peaceful without her in it.
My son knows the story and who she is and has seen old pics of her, and totally gets it. Also, I heard from my brother that my mom is an anti-v*xx type now so there’s that.
>it’s incredibly difficult to explain this without them thinking I’m just an ungrateful child
So…don’t? Explanations and reasons only give them more points to attack you on.
You can tell them that hanging out with them is tiresome because they only criticize and discuss politics. If they push you, tell them that it’s a decision you’ve already made and that they’re free to distance themselves from you if they don’t like it. They won’t like it anyway, might as well tell them the truth.
Your parents grew up looking to fight for their point of view. They want your explanation so they can have something to fight.
You don’t owe them anything. By you not giving them an explanation, it will eat them alive.
Wanted to put a plug in for r/qanoncasualties where there are a number of redditors in your situation who can provide support and advice from their experiences