This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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41 comments

  1. Is Bumble even worth using anymore?

    Seems super dead even in the big cities.

    Curious to hear about people’s recent experiences on it.

  2. I have nothing else to say here other than dating is tough guys. 
    How are we supposed to do it? 
    I’ll get over this whiny mood. But I need to get through it first. 
    On a completely separate note I don’t think Romanian dead lifts are easy.

    There’s a woman in my gym I see doing this effortlessly and I’m just going to go upto her and say “from one woman to another how are u effing doing this without breaking your back”

    That’s it. I’m done 

  3. 3ish months off the apps and just trying to accept my fate. Feels impossible to meet someone irl and the apps make me feel icky and never lead to anything good. Just stinks I wish I could stop wanting love womp womp

  4. “HeRE foR a gOoD tIMe, NoT a LOng TimE” god I’m so over these stupid ass dating apps

  5. I’ve already come onto the daily sticky thread several times previously to explain my situation with the guy I met from work and asked for some advice. It feels like this dynamic is not really going anywhere. He’s still on holiday at the moment, and I really missed him today so I sent him a message along the lines of making it clear that I have been thinking of him and hope he have safe travels back from this morning. Haven’t heard a word from him at all, just wished that if he’s really not interested, he would have at least send a rejection text rather than leaving me on delivered all day.

    I’m just so tired of this, I thought that finally I started liking someone after 3-4 years of being single, they might somehow reciprocate. Unfortunately, that’s not how it usually works. When I thought I had fully recovered from a heartbreak in 2022, this time the guy that I was talking to just brought all the memories back and it is not his fault at all. I guess I’m perhaps meant to be alone at this point, have tried the apps back in 2021, they were absolutely not for me. I hated them, and struggled to find men in real life other than workplaces. I kept watching my friends breakup and find new connections easily and i’m just sooo done with this. I’m looking to date to marry and it just seems so impossible at the moment, the fact that i’m quite an inexperienced dater at the age of 30 isn’t helping either.

    I think at this point it would be easier to register at the nunnery rather than finding another person to like then get disappointed again.

  6. It really irritates me that the “advice” (*using that term loosely*) given for dealing with an avoidant partner/person is very much along the lines of coddling them or rephrasing things so *they* don’t get upset or triggered.

    I’m tired of having to bend backwards to accommodate other people all the time, especially as a woman.

  7. I (31M) have never actually “dated”. I’ve had one boyfriend, one girlfriend, and a couple hookups, all of which were facilitated by distance, online communication, and circumstance. None of them really came as a product of “dating.” I’m kind of a basket case. While I’m extremely fortunate to have a supportive family, most everything else about where I’m at is a mess. I’m AuDHD, and I’ve struggled with social anxiety and depression chronically since I was a kid. I went through adolescence thru college being repressed, confused, and never coming out of my shell, lots of wasted opportunities to learn and grow. I was 21-22 when I met my first bf and it was a dumb dramatic short-lived fiasco, but my relationship with my gf shortly afterward was long lasting. It was also very up and down, and went from being long-distance to not long-distance, back to being long-distance. After 6 years (23-29 for me) we split up. In that time I got a lot of experience being in a relationship, but its now been almost 2 years since we broke up, and I’m having difficulty coming to terms with having no idea how dating works, and just how terrified of it I am.

    I already struggle a lot with social interaction, and to be clear I genuinely love people and connecting with others, but nothing in the world feels less natural or more exhausting to me. I’m the kind of person who will not realize someone was sending signals until weeks afterward. The type who will seek out books to learn things rather than seek out lived experiences. Left to my own devices, I will simply recede into the background of everyone else’s life. When I’m on my own, I’m just tryng to escape. In the time I was with my gf certain aspects of my social anxiety improved, but especially now I largely feel like I’ve regressed. IRL communication is very intense, and the process of forming emotional connections is slow and arduous. When I do manage to form connections and share emotions, it’s very difficult for me to sever. Dating seems to me like a constant process of intentionally forming and then severing connections by trial and error, which sounds like hell to me. When I read about people’s dating lives relative to what I feel I am emotionally and psychologically capable of, I literally can’t process it. Just the most baseline average experience building I can glean sounds absolutely dreadful. I don’t know how people can casually date and form emotional and physical connections with multiple people back and forth at the same time theyre just living their own lives, it seems like the hardest thing in the world. I’ve been living my life at the barest bare minimum and I hardly manage personal maintenence. It literally feels like something I was not made for.

    When I think about the dating process, it might as well be the ultimate manifestation of all of my fears. Dating and sex has always felt like some kind of esoteric thing that happens all around me but is repelled upon my observation. The relationship between them also constantly confuses me, It feels like “dating” is somehow one big euphemism for something I don’t understand that’s being concealed by everyone around me. The relationship between romance and sex also confuses me, not to mention the abomination of heteronormative insecurity that looms over my psyche. Sex is the gordian knot at the center of my neuroses. A misplaced sexual joke or anecdote or observation can ruin my state of mind on a dime. I literally will avoid sexual references and conversation because thinking about sex makes me miserable. And to be clear, I’m not a non-sexual person, I’m both sex positive and personally interested in sex, but everything about the process of connecting with people in that context is absolutely terrifying. It all seems so natural to everyone, even when they struggle or fail. People want to not be alone, either physically or emotionally or whatever else, so they seek eachother out. People have school and jobs and families, but its essential enough that most will seek out and take on greater hardship just for it, sometimes just to have a good time. Why am I not like that?

    I know this probably sounds weird, I’m talking like I’m a bit more of an alien than I actually am, but I’ve gotten really lonely. I just hate myself. I don’t feel like a person. I’m back feeling the sort of alienation one feels as a teenager having no experience whatsoever, like being made fun of for being a virgin. The hypothetical precocious teenager I never was is just always there laughing at me. It makes it feel like everything up to this point was just me being caught in the slipstream, going through the motions because once I was in a relationship at least I could say I wasn’t single, and that I was having sex. I don’t like feeling that way but it’s where I’m at.

    I know it’s hard for everybody, but it’s a small consolation when despite how hard it apparently is, you’ve gone through life still seeing everyone around you try their best and seem to overcome. At some point all you feel like is that there’s something wrong with you. Why haven’t I changed yet? Why is it so hard to even try? It’s confused me for so long. It feels like there’s a part of me that just never grew and I don’t know if it ever really will. I don’t even know what I really want, or if I’m just desperately holding on to the idea of taking back all the things I missed out on.

    I thought I was gonna ask for advice, but I guess this just ended up more like venting. Just wanted to tell someone I guess. If you read, thanks for indulging me, I appreciate anyone’s thoughts or if you maybe feel similar. If not, thanks anyways.

  9. ~✨Has my luck turned around?! ✨~

    Had a first date yesterday with an impossibly gorgeous man! My only regret is staying out for so long, hopefully it wasn’t too much and translates to a second date.

    🙃 Not looking forward to the whole anxious for him to text phase. I should probably be multi dating to help with keeping my expectations low, but I’m too freakin busy this week!!

  10. Entitled???

    So I (F29) saw my situationship (M32) out Saturday night. The previous night we spent passionately together, told each other we loved each other, the works. Even Saturday he got ready at my spot to go out. He knew the location where I’d be. I’m leaving the restaurant and see him and his friends outside, we lock eyes, and I roll my eyes in jest (like ur so annoying) but he says nothing to me. So I kept it pushing. Ubers were taking too long I go into the bathroom upset because how could you not acknowledge me??? I catch him outside the bathroom and he darts away from me saying that me expecting him to greet me first makes me entitled. I’m baffled by this. I believe this was a situation where he should have taken lead, I explained how I was hurt and a person that enters me should at the very least be able to greet me. He still feels I’m entitled. Am I?

  11. I don’t know what went wrong.

    I’ve been widening my area i search in my dating apps to global lately. Why not, right?

    I found out on Boo that someone liked viewed liked my profile. It said they were verified. I check her profile and she’s cute as hell and we have a lot in common so I like her back and we match. So I send her a message like “Hey there! Hope you’re having a good day! Since we have a lot in common, its got me wondering. what are some of your favorite anime you’ve been watching lately?”

    No reply, It’s been 4 days. Did I do something wrong here?

    It’s really effecting my self esteem, thinking this girl was into me and now she’s not replying. Some people have said maybe she’s a bot but she was verified so I don’t think so?

  12. Third date is locked in. It feels a little less like asking her on a date and more like us just making plans. Which is nice. Kind of wish I didn’t have to wait a week and a half for our kid-free time for it to happen though. But I guess that’s just how life has to be at this stage of our lives.

  13. Feeling pretty discouraged as of late with online dating. Trying it for the first time in 5 years. I’m getting 0 matches these days and it sucks. I know my bio isn’t great but I suck so much at writing bios. I had a friend try to help but what he wrote was so incredibly cringe (he used Grok and it wrote it like you’re making fun of a quirk chungus Redditor).

  14. Would you give a second chance to somebody who ghosted you on an app a year ago? I keep thinking maybe he’s in a different place because I certainly am. But I’ll feel like a dummy if he just ghosts me again.

  15. I text a guy who I went on a few dates with a few weeks ago in march, he initially ended up cooling it as he needed to concentrate on his studies but wanted to meet up when they were done (June), he has messaged a couple of times to check in since then. I sent the last message after not hearing from him for a while. We’ve had a back and forth over a few days and then he just didnt reply for 5 days until today, apologising that he’s been busy writing and sorting his garden out but posting garden updates online.

    He continued the conversation about going on holiday and asking how I’m doing in this heatwave (we are all melting in the UK).

    I just replied saying no problem we can catch up when you’re all finished (next month with his studies) and I just acknowledged the other bits he asked me and kind of ended the conversation saying I’m fine with the weather and hope he’s not suffering too much with the heat etc

    I’m second guessing my response now but I’m still thinking noones too busy to reply, I can understand a day or two, but 5 days! I didn’t want to continue a conversation after all this time although I like him, because I don’t want him to think he can just pick up and drop whenever (it may not be like that it’s just how I’m assuming it is). So I kind of let it come to a natural end saying we can catch up when he’s done. I’ll see if he reaches out in a few weeks.

    What would you have said back to someone who’s replied 5 days later?

  16. I’ve had this complicated relationship with a friend of mine for over 2 years now. The very TL;DR is we dated briefly when we met, it didn’t work out mostly because of our lifestyle differences (specifically that he’s non-monogamous). I still wanted to try and he didn’t, and then I also watched him get into another serious relationship right in front of me that I’ve had issues with accepting (to say the least).

    However we’ve remained close friends that often skirt the line between friendship and intimate relationship. Nothing physical has happened between us for quite a while, but we treat each other kind of like we’re dating even though we are not. And this weekend we got in yet another argument about me feeling dismissed or not cared for by him in certain ways (not interesting enough to explain but you get the idea).

    I think a big issue is we haven’t ever given each other significant time off from the relationship to heal the rejection wounds on my end. It comes out in moments where he talks about his other partners and I’m rude about it. Or if I feel slighted by him I react in a way that’s a lot more intense than I would someone who I only have friend feelings for, like in this case. This weekend wasn’t that bad but it left me with an emotional hangover yet again. I also feel like it’s somewhat keeping me from moving on because I often feel like I’m getting a lot of my emotional needs and companionship met by him (I am not particularly sexual/physical and neither is he so that lack of physical intimacy doesn’t bother me a lot) but I feel like I still have a lot of resentment about this half in/half out thing. I logically know I should probably enforce a long no contact period but it just sucks and feels so final and it’s really messing with me. Sigh. Attachment is a bitch and a lot of this is unhealed wounds from childhood I’ve discussed in depth with my therapist but it still sucks.

    Anyway. Carry on y’all.

  17. where are all my fellow introverts and homebodies at 😩 on Tinder im finding a lot of the same type of (traditional?) women; same kind of look, makeup, clothing, minimal or no bio, very few hobbies. They’re not really what I’m seeking, so I end up swiping mostly left. Bumble has a lot more variety but its not really popular here.

  18. Spent memorial day at a freinds place for the first time since him and his wife moved to a new state, and it kind of made me appreciate being single.

    Like still dating right now is hell, but I’m pretty well set up to make new connections since there is not a whole lot but things that make me comfy at home. It’s basically normal for me to go out to seek new experiences/ connections and the prospect of doing so excites me.

    My friend has his favorite person always at home waiting for him, but it felt like him and his wife have used that as an excuse to essentially never go out and try new things. The mood over the weekend was kind of weird because of that. I would suggest for us to go out and check out the happening areas in the city, and they would just find excuses not to go out over and over again. I basically spent the weekend getting cross faded on their couch with some breaks to go out and get food. I would say more power to em if that was all that makes them happy, but it seems like they are getting cabin fever locked up in their apartment thats on the edge of the city. It feels like they want to make new freinds in the city, but they are completely incapable of doing so.

    I think they will be fine in the long run, but it was kind of nice realizing the grass isn’t fully greener on the other side.

  19. Somebody just told me, without really knowing my history, that I have “a tendency to date down,” and I’ve been sitting with that a lot.

  20. I think I’m getting breadcrumbed after what seemed like a good first date. we were definitely doing good beforehand, she beat me to the punch on saying she was looking forward to it.

    neither of her responses afterward have asked me anything in return, and on the last one she didn’t answer what I asked her. our prior exchanges felt well-spaced without feeling the need to answer right away.

    oh well. we had talked about hanging out again this weekend, so I proposed an activity. now or never, pretty much

  22. Sooo I posted yesterday about the guy who seems to be ghosting me after we slept together. I want to give it a few more days and then send a respectful text telling him that I would have preferred directness instead of him just leaving me to figure it out from his silence. Is that a bad idea? The idea of just letting him get away with it with no pushback from me doesn’t sit right with me.

  23. I want to create a Hinge profile soon but I’m feeling like I need better photos… do I just search for photographers? Are there dating profile photographers out there?

  24. It’s funny the longer you spend time with someone and you’re starting to talk like how they do.

    I played a therapist role last night when in the normal situation, it usually my partner do that 🙃

  25. Well, sounds like I’ll be flying solo to the singles even on Thurs. I’ll still make the best of it one way or another!

    Barring any really intriguing connections at the event, I’ll be making a move on a current crush on Fri.

    And I had a really weird dream last night about a guy I went on one date with almost 2 years ago, but somehow also mashed up with my late partner & recent ex? Very strange.

  26. I just can’t seem to deal with my anxious attachment. Been in therapy for 10 years done a ton of inner child healing, I get all the tools etc..

    Yet my anxious brain is barely functioning whenever I like someone in the early stages especially when there’s so much doubt. Why isn’t he texting, doesn’t he want me anymore bla bla bla..

    And normally I’m a calm, confident woman but this makes me go crazy literally

    Anyone can relate?

  27. Very proud of myself for ending recent dates after one drink! I met up with 2 guys recently where I could tell right away there was no sexual chemistry. Past me would have felt bad ending after one drink, but I know now it’s better to be honest up front and save us both time.

  28. Well date tomorrow cancelled and asked to reschedule. Kind of an elaborate excuse so I’m taking her at her word because I don’t think anyone would bother to make it up. But super disappointed, I’ve been looking forward to it all week. Hope she follows through on the reschedule 🙁

  29. Had one of the weirdest first dates recently because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if my discomfort is valid.

    On one hand, he was very gentlemanly and affectionate. Planned the date, paid, walked me to my car, kept kissing me goodbye, asked multiple times about a second date, etc.

    But throughout the date he also kept making negative comments about Indian people/Indian food/hygiene. Later I asked if he was picky with food and he said not really, except for Indian food. When I asked what he doesn’t like about it, he said something about having to eat with your hands. I pointed out that plenty of foods are eaten with your hands and jokingly asked if he eats pizza with a fork and knife too, and he kind of laughed it off.

    Then later we somehow got onto the topic of preferences and he said something about people being allowed to have preferences, including skin color. He tried to soften it by using very pale Irish people as an example, but I got the feeling that wasn’t what he initially meant.

    The whole thing just left me feeling confused because he was clearly very into me and wanted to see me again, but I’m also very obviously not white and people have even mistaken me for Indian before. So hearing those comments throughout the date made the whole interaction feel… strange and uncomfortable in a way I can’t fully explain.

  30. Sanity check.

    It’s really weird for a guy to tell you that he expressed interest to another woman and got rejected, so now he’s ready to give you a proper shot…right? After two months of talking and not exclusive.

    When I was like ‘why did you tell me that’ his reply was ‘we should be like best friends, I want honesty between us’.

    One week ago he wanted to part ways because he wasn’t convinced I would commit to him, and I reassured him that I liked him and asked him to reconsider. And now he comes back with this. I am just very hurt and revolted. I feel like I’m dealing with a goddam robot.

  31. Is it a red flag if a man follows hundreds of sexy women who dresses provocatively on Instagram (not models)? I am interested in pursuing this person but this is one of the things that has been holding me back, I have known him for almost 3 years however I don’t know him well, when I observed him, he seemed like the quiet type, not the type that goes around and flirts with everybody, however people have two sides so I am reluctant. 

  32. … also, while on my way to the date, a man (my own age for once 😂) randomly stopped to tell me I looked nice. I thanked him and kept walking and he just smiled and told me to have a great day.

    It was such a small interaction, but honestly kind of caught me off guard because that’s never really happened to me before. It was a nice little confidence boost before the date, haha

  33. I don’t really judge anybody with attachment disturbances/disorders as in anxious,avoidant or disorganized. But it is kind of a marvel to see how they much they play to their traits.

    Date one: girl obsessed with me very quick

    Date two: I tell her she needs to pump the breaks a bit, she leaves.

    ‘for the best’ i think.

    And then 24 hours later I get 5 paragraph long apology message.

    The bright side of all of this is my coupled up friends enjoy living vicariously through my dating adventures.

  34. Tfw the girl you’re crushing on (and have been communicating over text with, setting up dates, etc.) snoozes her online dating profile 😎

    (This is a good thing if it’s not clear, I read it to mean she just wants to date me.)

  35. Oof. Tonight was one of those “ah, here’s a pattern of behavior we’ll have to discuss and figure out how to prepare for in the future” nights. I had plans to go over to my partner’s place to hang out with him and his friends who are visiting from out of state. He gave me a vague idea of what time he thought they’d be ready for me to come over after their dinner, but that time came and went and I hadn’t heard anything, even when I prompted him to check if I should head over. Finally he got back to me but it was pretty late, so we’d only have like a couple of hours for our activity before I’d have to come back home and go to bed (since I have work tomorrow and none of them do).

    It’s not the first time he’s failed to communicate with me this week, and it made me feel like a lower priority (which sucks because I know he doesn’t feel that way at all). I headed over and texted him that I was there about thirty seconds before I actually was, giving him time to see my message and meet me at the door. Instead, I was left waiting outside for several minutes, hearing their laughter inside while he failed to see the follow-up message I sent and even phone call I made. (The doorbell didn’t seem to work either, and they’re on the second floor so knocking wouldn’t have helped.)

    It just sucked. I would have hoped he’d keep an eye out for my arrival message since I told him I was on the way and he knows how long it takes for me to get there. Once he finally clued in and got me, he was super apologetic and affectionate and just held me for a really long time. It was tender and sweet and I was able to put aside my feelings enough to go in and enjoy the night. And it was a fun night, and he paid me lots of attention and accompanied me back home at the end of it, but gosh.

    I’m so far from being needy or demanding in our relationship but this past week has me feeling like I have to fight for crumbs. When his friends go home and we reset to our routine I plan to go over this with him. I’m sure he knows tonight’s mishap was not ideal but I need us to talk about his communication style so that I don’t feel like he’s forgetting about me in situations like this—because I know he’s not, but it just feels bad.

  36. I feel like I’m not too unfortunate looking but I don’t know. I keep striking out. I’m certainly not gorgeous, but I’m still hanging in there though. Just a vent.

  37. Repeatedly reminding myself that noones too busy to not reply for 5 days. Don’t get sucked in by ‘sorry I’ve been so busy’, takes less than a minute to respond.

    It is the first time though it’s happened so a little part of me is thinking give another chance the other is like…. No… if they were bothered about you they would have responded sooner!

  38. How do you manage the souvenirs everywhere after a breakup ?
    I live in a big city (for France), and I think I’m getting out of the post break up pain, but we frequent the same areas and many souvenirs in the city are tied to her.

    And I don’t have the community right now to create new ones, which should be the solution.

  39. I’m a French guy of 32 years old, a bit introvert and after 12 years being single I finally managed to start dating someone. We met in a dating app and started to discuss 3 weeks ago, every thing is fine till now, we text everyday and we had our first date last weekend. I really appreciated this date and she told me she really enjoyed it too, so far that we already scheduled our second date.

    During this date we clearly said that we want to take our time to know each other and I added that since I’m not used to it, I will maybe need some time to learn how to manage our relationship.

    But since our first date, I feel something changed in our daily texts. Before our date, she sometimes contacted me spontaneously, reacted more often and used much more emoticons in her texts. But since our date, she seems a few more distant and less enthusiastic than before.

    I try to just continue to act as usually and keep texting her as if nothing changed but It’s starting to worry me and I would like to know if I just have to continue like that till I figure out what’s happening or if I should try to discuss with her about this. After all, we just met 4 days ago and we maybe just need some time to know how to talk to each other but my feelings are a bit uncomfortable eventhough I try to work on myself about this.

    I know that I’m a bit clumsy and shy with women I like and don’t really know how to manage in these situations so please don’t be too rough on your judgements eventhough I could seem a bit ridiculous.

  40. It finally happened to me. The age old “had two fantastic dates and got the no compatibility text”. I’m in the club now.

    We clicked. She said on the first date that I was the first guy she wanted to take home on the first date but didn’t do that. We talked aligned on everything long term. We had great banter, conversation, and vibes. We flirted. We talked about relationship things – sex, BC, kids, how we like to cuddle, jokes about moving in together, the whole 9 yards. You could’ve wrote a love story about this. We just vibed. We kissed on date 2 in my car and it everything felt perfect.

    Crazy how emotions work. On to the next! Sucks 😅

  41. Sigh… officially been 6 days and no response.

    She texted *me* after the date, the next morning at like 8am. I replied back I dunno, an hour or two later? Nada since then.

    It’s very much on to the next territory. Too bad there is no next currently 🙁

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