My boyfriend (33M) wants us to move in together but I (34F) feel like I’d be sacrificing everything
May 27, 2026
Thank you everyone for the reply. I will go through the comments. Will have to have a serious talk and post an update.
36 comments
Don’t do it.
That’s a long list of cons. What are the pros?
sounds like he wants a nice apartment and he just wants you to pay for it. he’s using you
Nope. I don’t even know how you can be attracted to this mess of a man
Why would you want to live with him? He’s waving more red flags than a halftime marching band.
Don’t do it. This is a prime example of how women are expected to give up their good lives to support a man in his mediocre life.
There is very little upside in this for you, you’ll be moving to a crappier place for a crappier life and way more work because we all know these dudes don’t do their share of the chores.
Please do not do this. A good job is invaluable at the moment and your finances will take a massive hit whilst you lose all you worked for in terms of your independence.
Don’t do it. You have a great setup right now. An apartment you like, stores and transportation within walking distance plus your job is closed. Why in the world would you give that up for a man who’s bad with money, has health issues, and wants to use your paid off apartment to buy a house. Are you kidding me? Don’t do it you will regret it I can assure you.
This is stupid. Absolutely don’t do it unless you are getting a way better deal.
You’d be insane!
All the cons are in your column, whereas there are only pros in his column. What a selfish man. And you’re wondering if you are the unreasonable one?
There is no benefit here to you moving in together, or even remaining together – are you going to be seperate your entire relationship? What’s the point?
Someone who truly cares for you will *never* suggest or encourage you to make your situation worse. He’s a van-living slob who wants what you’ve worked for. Instead of improving himself, he’s trying to pull you down to his level and step on your back to lift himself. Do not give up your good life for his.
sounds like you’ve worked hard to get yourself in a great place in terms of housing, independence and finances. romance is wonderful but it’s not a reason to give up everything you’ve worked for
DONT do it. You own an apartment and will be trading something that will increase in value over time for something that won’t.Especially because you enjoy your apartment and where you live and need to up root everything while he doesn’t have to. Also if you guys break up you will have given up a workplace and lifestyle you love, keep that apartment whatever you do. If you guys ever buy together make sure that collateral from your apartment is listed as yours and not shared.
Also definitely talk about finances and that your apartment shouldn’t be seen as a shared asset, and him needing to save more. Many people don’t talk about finances and you don’t want to be the one that has a partner who spends everything and expects you to pay for all the assets while they don’t if this happens make sure it’s on your name only. You want to build together not one person doing all the lifting.
If you guys haven’t lived together and hes already this messy you’ll probably end up cleaning up after him as a side note.
Also he sounds very selfish for thinking it’s about you not wanting to live with him when it’s about more. Make sure you communicate this.
Do. Not. Do. It.
No you’re not being unreasonable, but this would make me question your compatibility with this person long term.
DO NOT move or move in with him.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 central.
He just wants a woman to take care of him, financially and lifestyle wise. He’s immature and doesn’t have his shit together at all. Do not ho there. Be the biggest regret of your life.
Why would you be paying 50/50 if he earns twice what you do? That plus no savings would have me leaving before we even get to the other stuff.
Girl!!! No. Absolutely no. You’ve accomplished so much. I’m so proud of you. OMG 🥹🥰. If you do what he wants, the relationship will still end and end badly and you’ll spend your 40s trying to rebuild.
Please don’t do it. He has more red flags and icks that will turn you off if you just let nature, time and long distance do it’s thing.
Girl he’s not the one.
You haven’t listed a single positive aspect of your entire relationship.
This isn’t (just) about you moving in together.
I think you know this isn’t what you want.
Sending you a hug 🤗
You have a great job & a great place to live & a great area to live your life! Why would want to give all of that up??
It’s ok to keep dating casually your bf. It’s ok to talk to your bf about where he sees the 2 of you in 5 years. It’s ok to tell your bf that unless he starts saving a certain % of his income consistently & cleans up his living area, that you don’t see the 2 of you living together ever. It’s ok to breakup with your bf & date someone that lives closer to you.
So I think before you consider anything you really need to understand how he can earn double but only live in a caravan but have no savings? Something seems amiss.
Then you need to consider if you want the relationship to move forward or if actually the type of relationship you want is one that lets you live your life on your terms. There’s nothing wrong with that if that’s how you want to live your life!
Honestly, I’d part ways and end the relationship completely. Your lifestyles are drastically different, and so are your standards to living. You’d end up being his mother figure, micro managing everything from finances to house chores. There are smart, mature, clean men out there who have their shit together.
Girl.
Moving in together shows intent for a long-term relationship, but I guess in today’s economy, it would make sense in SOME cases to move in for financial reasons. But for you, it absolutely does not.
Additionally, he absolutely does not demonstrate any desirable or responsible adult characteristics that one would seek in a long-term partner. He doesn’t even demonstrate attractive adult behaviors for a casual hookup. I guess if “it’s” good enough, he can be a FWB/hookup, otherwise, pass. You can’t fix him and you don’t need to train/parent a full grown adult. You come fully-formed, so it’s reasonable to expect that they do too.
Your first clue is your gut feeling, never, ever ignore it. He is asking you to make all the sacrifices here and lay out more money. This is extremely inconsiderate of him to ask you to give up so much. It sounds like he has all the plans made and they involve you and your property, making the sacrifices you have to make, meanwhile, what’s he giving up. He’s also getting what he feels like will be a 24/7 live in maid.
The fact that you know he’s horrible with money now, this won’t change and you’ll end up getting stuck with shit you never bargained for.
I think this whole thing speaks volumes of where this relationship is going and it’s not going in a direction you’re not at all comfortable with. Not only shouldn’t you NOT do it, but you need to really sit down with yourself and figure out if this relationship will be what you deserve. He could be the best looking, nicest guy in the world, but the red flags he’s waving, give you all the info you really need moving forward.
If it’s not a “hell yes” then it’s a “No”
Please don’t give up your hard-earned lifestyle for this crappy deal.
That unease you feel? That’s your spidey sense, your internal radar shouting at you that this would go badly for you and you would hate the results. Trust your gut!!
Congratulations on the life you have built for yourself! Good luck in navigating this decision
(from a mama in Australia with a smart, independent daughter just a couple of years older than you) xx
So you (who are fully established and financially set) would have to sacrifice everything you have to live an unstable situation with a guy who can’t even get his finances straight? Don’t. He’s a quicksand pit. Love isn’t enough. You need to be smart about all of this.
It would be much easier to replace the boyfriend than your loft, job, cleanliness, and commute.
You had me at filthy caravan.
So what exactly is HE compromising in this? Anything at all? Because, as it stands, it looks like you give up everything and he gains everything. And this is HIS suggestion. It would be a huge no for me.
FUCKING NO. NO. NO.
Updateme
Hobosexual. A definite NO
So you should give up everything and he gets no change? Oh no, he would get a nice bangmaid who pays half his bills.
I wouldn’t be surprised that as soon as you move in, his health issues get so bad that you are the only income.
And he really use the size of your apartment as an argument when he lives in a fucking caravan?!
Then he earns so much more than you but is bad with money, has no savings. This alone is a bad sign. Then he lives so dirty that you don’t even want to visit him, do you really think this would magical change? He would treat your place together the same as his caravan!
That he has no problem that you give up everything and just thinks about himself, so bad.
I really wonder why you want to move in with him or even are with him? Maybe because you see each other not so nuch you don’t face the reality who he is so much? But he is mid 30s. This is who he is. Don’t even think about this “oh, i can fix him”. cause he is an adult man.
Maybe the time together was fun, but more is just not in it.
36 comments
Don’t do it.
That’s a long list of cons. What are the pros?
sounds like he wants a nice apartment and he just wants you to pay for it. he’s using you
Nope. I don’t even know how you can be attracted to this mess of a man
Why would you want to live with him? He’s waving more red flags than a halftime marching band.
Don’t do it. This is a prime example of how women are expected to give up their good lives to support a man in his mediocre life.
There is very little upside in this for you, you’ll be moving to a crappier place for a crappier life and way more work because we all know these dudes don’t do their share of the chores.
Please do not do this. A good job is invaluable at the moment and your finances will take a massive hit whilst you lose all you worked for in terms of your independence.
Don’t do it. You have a great setup right now. An apartment you like, stores and transportation within walking distance plus your job is closed. Why in the world would you give that up for a man who’s bad with money, has health issues, and wants to use your paid off apartment to buy a house. Are you kidding me? Don’t do it you will regret it I can assure you.
This is stupid. Absolutely don’t do it unless you are getting a way better deal.
You’d be insane!
All the cons are in your column, whereas there are only pros in his column. What a selfish man. And you’re wondering if you are the unreasonable one?
There is no benefit here to you moving in together, or even remaining together – are you going to be seperate your entire relationship? What’s the point?
Someone who truly cares for you will *never* suggest or encourage you to make your situation worse. He’s a van-living slob who wants what you’ve worked for. Instead of improving himself, he’s trying to pull you down to his level and step on your back to lift himself. Do not give up your good life for his.
sounds like you’ve worked hard to get yourself in a great place in terms of housing, independence and finances. romance is wonderful but it’s not a reason to give up everything you’ve worked for
DONT do it. You own an apartment and will be trading something that will increase in value over time for something that won’t.Especially because you enjoy your apartment and where you live and need to up root everything while he doesn’t have to. Also if you guys break up you will have given up a workplace and lifestyle you love, keep that apartment whatever you do. If you guys ever buy together make sure that collateral from your apartment is listed as yours and not shared.
Also definitely talk about finances and that your apartment shouldn’t be seen as a shared asset, and him needing to save more. Many people don’t talk about finances and you don’t want to be the one that has a partner who spends everything and expects you to pay for all the assets while they don’t if this happens make sure it’s on your name only. You want to build together not one person doing all the lifting.
If you guys haven’t lived together and hes already this messy you’ll probably end up cleaning up after him as a side note.
Also he sounds very selfish for thinking it’s about you not wanting to live with him when it’s about more. Make sure you communicate this.
Do. Not. Do. It.
No you’re not being unreasonable, but this would make me question your compatibility with this person long term.
DO NOT move or move in with him.
🚩🚩🚩🚩 central.
He just wants a woman to take care of him, financially and lifestyle wise. He’s immature and doesn’t have his shit together at all. Do not ho there. Be the biggest regret of your life.
Why would you be paying 50/50 if he earns twice what you do? That plus no savings would have me leaving before we even get to the other stuff.
Girl!!! No. Absolutely no. You’ve accomplished so much. I’m so proud of you. OMG 🥹🥰. If you do what he wants, the relationship will still end and end badly and you’ll spend your 40s trying to rebuild.
Please don’t do it. He has more red flags and icks that will turn you off if you just let nature, time and long distance do it’s thing.
Girl he’s not the one.
You haven’t listed a single positive aspect of your entire relationship.
This isn’t (just) about you moving in together.
I think you know this isn’t what you want.
Sending you a hug 🤗
You have a great job & a great place to live & a great area to live your life! Why would want to give all of that up??
It’s ok to keep dating casually your bf. It’s ok to talk to your bf about where he sees the 2 of you in 5 years. It’s ok to tell your bf that unless he starts saving a certain % of his income consistently & cleans up his living area, that you don’t see the 2 of you living together ever. It’s ok to breakup with your bf & date someone that lives closer to you.
So I think before you consider anything you really need to understand how he can earn double but only live in a caravan but have no savings? Something seems amiss.
Then you need to consider if you want the relationship to move forward or if actually the type of relationship you want is one that lets you live your life on your terms. There’s nothing wrong with that if that’s how you want to live your life!
Honestly, I’d part ways and end the relationship completely. Your lifestyles are drastically different, and so are your standards to living. You’d end up being his mother figure, micro managing everything from finances to house chores. There are smart, mature, clean men out there who have their shit together.
Girl.
Moving in together shows intent for a long-term relationship, but I guess in today’s economy, it would make sense in SOME cases to move in for financial reasons. But for you, it absolutely does not.
Additionally, he absolutely does not demonstrate any desirable or responsible adult characteristics that one would seek in a long-term partner. He doesn’t even demonstrate attractive adult behaviors for a casual hookup. I guess if “it’s” good enough, he can be a FWB/hookup, otherwise, pass. You can’t fix him and you don’t need to train/parent a full grown adult. You come fully-formed, so it’s reasonable to expect that they do too.
Your first clue is your gut feeling, never, ever ignore it. He is asking you to make all the sacrifices here and lay out more money. This is extremely inconsiderate of him to ask you to give up so much. It sounds like he has all the plans made and they involve you and your property, making the sacrifices you have to make, meanwhile, what’s he giving up. He’s also getting what he feels like will be a 24/7 live in maid.
The fact that you know he’s horrible with money now, this won’t change and you’ll end up getting stuck with shit you never bargained for.
I think this whole thing speaks volumes of where this relationship is going and it’s not going in a direction you’re not at all comfortable with. Not only shouldn’t you NOT do it, but you need to really sit down with yourself and figure out if this relationship will be what you deserve. He could be the best looking, nicest guy in the world, but the red flags he’s waving, give you all the info you really need moving forward.
If it’s not a “hell yes” then it’s a “No”
Please don’t give up your hard-earned lifestyle for this crappy deal.
That unease you feel? That’s your spidey sense, your internal radar shouting at you that this would go badly for you and you would hate the results. Trust your gut!!
Congratulations on the life you have built for yourself! Good luck in navigating this decision
(from a mama in Australia with a smart, independent daughter just a couple of years older than you) xx
So you (who are fully established and financially set) would have to sacrifice everything you have to live an unstable situation with a guy who can’t even get his finances straight? Don’t. He’s a quicksand pit. Love isn’t enough. You need to be smart about all of this.
It would be much easier to replace the boyfriend than your loft, job, cleanliness, and commute.
You had me at filthy caravan.
So what exactly is HE compromising in this? Anything at all? Because, as it stands, it looks like you give up everything and he gains everything. And this is HIS suggestion. It would be a huge no for me.
FUCKING NO. NO. NO.
Updateme
Hobosexual. A definite NO
So you should give up everything and he gets no change? Oh no, he would get a nice bangmaid who pays half his bills.
I wouldn’t be surprised that as soon as you move in, his health issues get so bad that you are the only income.
And he really use the size of your apartment as an argument when he lives in a fucking caravan?!
Then he earns so much more than you but is bad with money, has no savings. This alone is a bad sign. Then he lives so dirty that you don’t even want to visit him, do you really think this would magical change? He would treat your place together the same as his caravan!
That he has no problem that you give up everything and just thinks about himself, so bad.
I really wonder why you want to move in with him or even are with him? Maybe because you see each other not so nuch you don’t face the reality who he is so much? But he is mid 30s. This is who he is. Don’t even think about this “oh, i can fix him”. cause he is an adult man.
Maybe the time together was fun, but more is just not in it.