Ive been feeling for a long time hesitant to get married. I dont think Im ready financially, emotionally, physically or mentally. When I weigh the pros and cons of it, I dont see the upside.

Right now I have my own space and peace, my own money, my own assets etc. Im taking care of my mother and I dont want anything destroying that. Like if I bring in a wife, then I have to provide for her, deal with any issues she might have. It could mess me up financially and mentally.

The downside is I wonder how aging will feel. Its cool and sly to be all "im a successful man in no need of women" in 30s. But when i hit 60, i feel its kinda lonely and sad. But i still feel that when youre happy being 1 of 1 its better than being a miserable 1 of 2.


20 comments

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  4. Live together, you’re still committed to each other (assuming you are a couple and not simply flat mates)

  8. The answer is yes, you don’t HAVE to do anything. But “taking on a wife” isn’t a death sentence or a burden. It’s a deliberate choice that needs to be nurtured and worked on from both sides. You’ve created a toxic narrative about what marriage is and how it would be a drag on your life. Sure, for some men it’s a net negative, but for the vast majority, getting married is overwhelmingly positive in many ways.

  9. If it makes you feel any better, I’m trapped in a miserable marriage.

  10. Yeah, do whatever makes sense for you. But why are your views of relationships so negative? I’m married, we provide for each other, she has helped me with just as many issues as I’ve had to help her with, and I’m better off both financially and mentally by having a partner to go through life with.

    Lots of people get married or stay in relationships for all the wrong reasons. If you don’t meet somebody you connect with and who shares your values, it’s probably better not to get married. But the upside of a good marriage is getting to go through life as part of a two-person team.

  11. A lot of people are feeling that way around the world. Hence why birth rates are decreasing everywhere. It’s currently very difficult to maintain anything besides yourself currently. A good partner could make things easier, someone who also works, and collaborate together to get through, but turns out that’s not so easy to find

  12. It’s fine to not get married.

    I didn’t plan on it, but an amazing woman showed up when I was 28 that was worth changing the plan. Happy married with three kids now at 42. The connection and companionship is worth any struggles of accommodating another person if you select wisely IMO. And my wife wasn’t a high earner and is now a SAHM, but I firmly believe I ended up richer because of having a deeper why for earning money.

  13. It’s up to you to decide.A wife requires a lot of give and take and she will have an opinion on everything you want to do and will believe your assets and earnings are hers too. I married young,raised a family and divorced after 30 years. It can be lonely at times,but what’s mine is mine and I enjoy my peace at 73. Marriage is a compromise 😊

  15. Of course it’s ok.

    But the way you say “bring in a wife” is weird. There are many many many steps in a relationship before marriage (most of the time)

    I’m almost 40 and have zero plans on getting officially married and I am very open about that with any one I am seeing.

  16. Is it okay? Sure, of course. However, I’d change that “lonely at 60” number to around 40. Also, the commitment of marriage and to your children — basically people other than yourself — matures many a man (though obviously not all) to a degree that is difficult to reach otherwise.

    I was taught and have found to be true that men are servants (in the good sense of the word), and if they have no wife and children of their own to serve, there’s usually some immaturity and ennui there. It’s great you take care of your mom, and that service is part of it, but only a part. Your relationship with your mom is a bit different than with a wife and children who are yours that you raise.

    Are there risks? Yes. But we’re men. We take risks.

  17. No. If you don’t get married they will put you in jail.

    What kind of question is this?

  18. A wife is also a companion and a helper who can make your life more productive. You seem to think getting married is like buying an expensive dog

  19. Puoi avere una relazione senza sposarti, lo sai vero? Magari con una donna indipendente, con il suo lavoro, i suoi soldi…

  20. Perfectly fine to not get married. That is your choice if/when/who/how to get married or not. Your expectations about martiage are a bit… off…

    Assets and providing for her… Usually (a few states are different), pre-marital assets don’t automatically become “hers” when you marry. It is assets and value/equity obtained DURING the marriage that is split.

    Likewise, and I don’t know how to make this NOT sound sarcastic, but women can have jobs and bring financial support into the marriage (sometimes more than the men) as well. It’s a partnership that BOTH sides contribute to by combining income and then dividing roles in a way that works for them.

    All that being said, if you don’t see the benefit of getting married, then you definitely shouldn’t. It is the kind of thing you need to actuality want to be part of in order for it to be successful.

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