As title says. Id say im socially awkward. I stumble over my words, I say the wrong thing sometimes (like when someone says goodbye and you say thank you type of way), I’m not brilliant at looking at someone for a long period of time when speaking 1 on 1 (I’ll look at there mouth mainly and then maybe when I’m speaking I’ll look off to my side or something) and I feel like slightly awkward when having a social interaction. Like at work I always say sorry if I’m squeezing pass them or mess something up or whatever. I think also before a social interaction that’s new I get quite socially anxious. I guess I just dread it but then once I’m talking I am relaxed but I’m just socially awkward.
I think the biggest thing for me is like thinking of things to say to people which is the main advice I’m looking for. Just making what social interaction I have a bit lengthier. Like I don’t know if it’s just a British thing but if someone asks how your day is it’s literally like
Person 1: “how’s yours day been?”
Person 2: “yeah not bad, what about yours?”
Person 1: “yh fine”
And I guess I want to try and expand that. I will give myself props. I think once someone gives me a nugget of information I do think I can dig deeper and ask lots of questions about the subject matter.
I don’t know what it is though but I’ve actually realised that people genuinely do not ask about you very often if at all. There’s so few people that don’t really try and find out about you other than surface level stuff.
I guess I just want to thrive socially. Have lots of friends especially gain more girl friends just because I do like hanging around with girls in a friendly way like at work sometimes I enjoy talking to my female colleagues more than my male ones. I just want to go in a room and talk to anyone and not necessarily be the life of the party as such but just be able to bounce around a room talking to different people and sort of not seem like the awkward unsure one that just sits in a corner or sticks to 1 person.
Is there anyone that used to be like me that can give me almost life changing life advice whether that’s a book, a video, internal thoughts they have of there own when going into a social situation etc etc…
Thanks
23 comments
I hear you and empathise. I think you can take the radio silence to signal that there is no easy way out. There’s no cheat code. We have to do the hard work and engage despite our inhibitions otherwise stagnate behind the wall they create.
If there was a solution then there would be no introverts.
Stop giving a fuck about what you think, they think of you.
Not as many people actually hate you as much as you think. Maybe some people would like to hear your thoughts and opinions
i’ve had the same problem for a long time and i really related to the part about saying “sorry” for every little thing at work whenever you do something slightly wrong, it can honestly be exhausting because people notice it and sometimes end up using it against you. personally i’m still not 100% over it, but every day i remind myself that none of this really matters, that the universe is so huge and these tiny interactions mean nothing! repeating that to myself over and over, watching videos of people talking about it etc really helped.
i know the solution is basically to stop caring so much, but figuring out how to actually get there is a huge psychological challenge and i honestly don’t even know if it’s fully achievable for a human being lol but i can tell you there are days where this mindset makes me feel almost sociable even though i’m introverted
self-confidence also plays a huge role. i don’t know how you feel about your appearance etc but for me i always had this feeling that i looked weird during interactions, and practicing conversations in front of a mirror actually helped me a lot too, just in case that could help you as well. if i think of anything else i’ll come back and write it 🙂
good luck i know how difficult it is on a daily basis❤️🩹
Treat people like they’re NPCs.. because they are. They’re running their own code, just as you are. They merely react to you.
I have pretty awful social anxiety as well and this mentality has helped me. I would find myself ruminating over awkward conversations for days until I realized how little that encounter probably meant for them. People think a lot less of us- meaning they don’t really think of us at all, lol. They’re too busy thinking of their own stuff.
So smile, be warm, and say whatever is on your mind. The “NPCs” meant for you will gravitate towards you.
Also protip- look at the space between their eyebrows if eye contact is too much. It’s helped me 😆
Just let me say, there are so many people just like you. I believe most of us feel the same way. Just wanting to have a great social life. No strings attached.
My advice to you would be the following. Try to dig a bit deeper. Prepare for those larger social meetings. It becomes easier to traverse larger groups or group settings if you have more connections. If you know that you will be in a setting, prepare for that by getting to know a few of the other people that will be in the same setting before you get there. If possible, seek them out one by one. Try to learn something about them. What they find interesting, where they are born, anything that will help you feel connected. That will help them too, because they will have someone to turn to when the time arrives.
I bet you aren’t that person when you’re around people you’re really comfortable with, you don’t have to think about what to say or how to say it. My trick was to stop forcing myself to be what I think people expect me to be and just be myself. I can be quiet when I want, I can joke when I want and I don’t look back at it and get down on myself because that’s not what I do with my friends and family. So I just try to stay constant with who I am.
say what youre thinking, even if its trivial. if you want to talk, talk about anything and everything. like “i wish this place had an ice cream machine” or anything else. be confident too, but this comes with practice. something that really helped me was talking out loud to myself in my room, cause it helped me get less awkward with speaking in general and i could just say whatever came to mind. or talk to a pet. social skills, like other skills, require practice and repetition, so just keep putting yourself out there and itll get easier over time
My whole life I’ve been like this too. When I was 20 it was really rough. I felt like every time I was in a social setting I was the last thing on anyone’s mind and that nobody cared, but paradoxically that everyone was judging me, and if people did interact with me I got so awkward and in my head. I felt like I wanted to crawl out my own skin.
Now I still have that same dread for social interactions, but not nearly as bad. I think part of it was starting to take beta blockers for my anxiety; when the physical symptoms of being anxious were gone it helped. A big thing for me was constantly blushing, that helped a lot with that.
Honestly though, and it’s gonna suck a bit to hear this, I think sometimes with age confidence just grows. I’m 27, so not that far ahead, but people who didn’t know me years ago now see me as confident and are always baffled when I say I have social anxiety.
But it’s not just getting older. I have a close friend who’s very much a ‘life of the party’ type guy. I remember when I was about 20 he used to invite me out to stuff constantly; go walks, go to bars, go on vacations, etc., and honestly it got to the point I would genuinely be angry that he wouldn’t just leave me be. I wasn’t like him, I needed to be left alone, why couldn’t he get that? Over time I started caving in and going out more and more with him. I just got worn down and started saying yes more.
And I cannot tell you how much it changed my life. I’ve made so many amazing friends from the crazy times we’ve had together, he’s introduced or got me talking to so many people over the years, some of whom I now consider friends for life. Over time I’ve felt more free and less scared of being judged, and at times I have been able to be the life of the party, and I could not believe it. I’ve had such an amazing time these last few years and feel so different now.
I guess what I’m saying is I don’t think there is a quick fix. There’s always gonna be that bit of dread and doubt in your head. You can medicate, you can analyse social skills, whatever, these things help but that part of you will still be there. But I know in my case it got so bad that it made me not want to interact with anyone at all out of fear. And sure, everyone has the odd day where they need to hide away.
But try saying yes more, to any opportunity that comes up for socialising, whatever it is. You genuinely never know where it might lead. Looking back I think I was also surrounded by very judgemental people growing up and I constantly doubted myself because I knew they would judge me. Now I’m surrounded by people who let me just be myself, and funnily enough that’s made me more confident, relaxed and funny. My advice is just say yes to things more. Don’t shy away from events or people that you might want to naturally. Give things a chance. I know it sounds redundant and maybe silly, but I know for me if my friend hadn’t pressured me so much to get out my shell I probably would have been in another place entirely. Just keep at it. It will not change overnight and you have to get out there and embrace the awkwardness in a sense before the confidence comes. I hope some of that maybe helped
Just do it more and be around people who are better at it. You’ll pick it up.
Just time my guy. It gets easier. Keep going.
Beats me. Nothings ever worked for me
I’m not even kidding but smoking weed in college got me out of my shell.
Probably didn’t do it right, but being surrounded by friends, lowering inhibitions and having a J and talking about music got me on track to lowering my social anxiety.
I don’t smoke much anymore bc it started giving me severe anxiety the moment responsibilities started to go up, but man I gotta tell you it did a lot for me
The life changing stuff is always going to happen from your own experience out there. Not from a book or video.
When I was out learning to be social, one huge realization was that most people prefer to passively “leech” passion, energy, and good vibes from you. So being naturally accepted means coming at the interaction with slightly more energy than the other person has. Slightly more happiness. Being slightly more open.
People will feed on this “free” value. And sometimes rise to meet you. But…to you ..it’s always going to feel like an uneven value exchange *unless* you naturally have that energy.
So two good tips then inst ad of one: Learn to carry more energy. And be okay with giving away more than you receive.
I’m also 22 M who is also socially akward and anxious. I just started a sales job few days ago and my communication skills is slowly getting better day by day
Realizing that people will accept others who are a little weird and odd and they won’t hate you for it or ostracize you.
Think about the people that YOU have talked to.
Im sure you’ve had a conversation with someone who talked a little too much, or someone who brought up a random story that made you think “huh, I wonder why they brought that up?” Or someone who was a little quirky and maybe says odd things or acts a little weird, but you never are off put by them or don’t want to be around them, you’re just like “ahh classic so and so”
People feel the exact same around you. If you struggle with shyness, or coming up with topics to talk about, or occasionally saying something a little awkward, guess what: people probably dont notice and even if they do it’s NOT a deal breaker.
I used to freeze so often during conversations and social situations because I was thinking of the PERFECT thing to say that would be perfectly witty, fit the situation, be attention grabbing, what have you.
Also that changed When I finally let go and just started saying the first thing that came to my head (within reason of course) it turns out people are actually much more drawn to me when I just embrace that I’m a little odd and random at times, and I feel a lot less stressed when talking to them.
I’ll be honest- I’ve done all the things. Talk therapy, EMDR, meds for anxiety, depression, exercise, supplements—- the only thing that’s worked for me for my social anxiety and anxiety in general has been treating my adhd. I take concerta and I’m typically cool as a cucumber. I needed something to silence the overthinking and second guessing. It’s not a miracle and there are things I don’t enjoy about it, like I’m less creative on it unfortunately but the benefits generally outweigh those things.
F22 and I struggle with the same thing, especially that I have to involve myself in networking during seminars. Networking is my weakness, and I still practice during real situations. Sometimes, it’s hard to connect with people especially if you don’t know how the conversation is going, or if you’re pressured to make it go well. I think we often treat the end goal as making sure the conversation goes okay, which can make us overthink every word or assume the other person feels uncomfortable with us. That pressure can actually make it harder to keep the conversation going. We also tend to underestimate how willing other people are to talk to us. It’s kind of a human brain thing.
One thing that helped me is assuming the other person already likes me (or at least is open to talking). It takes some pressure off and helps me be warmer and more comfortable. I also try to break the ice by showing interest, giving a compliment, or asking simple surface-level questions. Asking questions isn’t cringe, it actually shows that you care. Don’t be too afraid to mess up. As long as you’re not being rude, you’re fine. Conversations just feel more natural when you’re comfortable, and taking the pressure off can make things easier.
Dude let me tell you what, when it comes to being awkward & such, everyone has awkward moments whether they admit it or not… I’m 19, almost 20 & I can remember back when I was younger, I was very socially awkward and people would literally point that out.
Fast forward to today, I wouldn’t say that I’m socially awkward now but I definitely have awkward moments, & the best thing to do in situations like these is to keep moving forward as if nothing happened. When you, for lack of better words, monitor yourself & every action you do, that only makes the problem worse and I’m telling you that from experience.
When it comes to anxiety, I guess my best advice is to literally get out of your comfort zone and start talking to more people regardless of how you feel. Look at it as practice to get out of that anxiety, know what I mean? You will get something out of it by just talking to people.
Traveling helped me a lot. When you go to a place where you know no one, you see that it takes the pressure off of so many things. Then you start realizing that it’s not a big deal to strike up casual conversations in your day to day life as well. I have even become lwk addicted to talking to strangers on a daily basis. Makes me feel alive lol
A life changing thing that made it easier to speak to anyone was working in a customer service call centre.
for me it was exposure therapy. took a few years of constantly pushing myself and forcing myself to interact with people even when i really didn’t want to.
overall my social anxiety today is probably 20-30% better than it was 3 years ago. it just took continuously interacting with people all the time to help me break out of some of the fear.
I used to feel pretty similar to this too – like I could have a conversation once it started, but initiating it or keeping it flowing naturally felt like the hardest part.
What I noticed over time is that most of the “life changing” shift wasn’t actually a book or a technique, it was learning to care less about saying the perfect thing and more about just staying curious in the moment – even if the conversation felt a bit awkward or basic at first.
If you had to narrow it down, is it more the starting conversations that feels difficult for you, or more the ‘keeping them going once they’ve started’?