I’m a man, and I’ve been thinking about a practical but also more human kind of co-living arrangement.

I don’t mean just “renting a room to someone.” I mean finding another man who might be open to sharing a home in a more stable, cooperative way. It could include sharing some household responsibilities, occasional meals, conversations, and a general sense of looking out for the place together. Something that sits somewhere between friendship, chosen family, and practical partnership.

My question is: where would you look for a man like this?


35 comments

  1. Here’s an original copy of /u/Accomplished-Bug9930’s post (if available):

    I’m a man, and I’ve been thinking about a practical but also more human kind of co-living arrangement.

    I don’t mean just “renting a room to someone.” I mean finding another man who might be open to sharing a home in a more stable, cooperative way. It could include sharing some household responsibilities, occasional meals, conversations, and a general sense of looking out for the place together. Something that sits somewhere between friendship, chosen family, and practical partnership.

    My question is: where would you look for a man like this?

    *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*

  3. Personally, I wouldn’t be looking for that arrangement..but you might have luck in areas like midtown manhattan, boys town in Chicago, San Francisco or midtown Atlanta.

  4. You’d need to be friends first, or just roommates first and have it develop organically.

  5. I think that’s gonna be a tough find because most guys look for what you’re talking about in a sexual partner.

  6. The friendship part would have to come first. No offence but if someone random or I barely knew asked me this I would assume they were gonna ask me to sleep in the same bed next.

  8. Unless your gay there is literally 0 point to this other than a nice fun thought you had – which you then thought was so worthy you came on Reddit to ask other people, which takes devotion, but also shows lack of thinking this through. We all get excited about thoughts and post them sometimes.

    A roommate should be helping around the house anyway.

    Basically you are saying you want a boyfriend.

    All other things considered should be happening anyway….

    So..

    There isn’t enough difference in what you are saying

  9. Sounds like you want a boyfriend. In all seriousness, it sounds like you’re looking for a partner or teammate. Maybe time to find a date? Or some kind of communal living?

  10. This is a tough ask. Not impossible. The reticence ppl have to get past is wondering about the other guys’ sexual orientation, bc this desire to share life is less common among hetero men.

    I’d look in churches with a strong singles / young adults group. You’d probably have to have shared faith to build the trust for that ask.

    Donald Miller’s book “Blue Like Jazz” talks about engaging with your roommates in housing similar to what you’re describing.

    Another concept is “blue zones” in the world, where doing life together is correlated with higher longevity.

    Finding ppl who connect with either that book or that concept may yield some good results.

  11. I hate to break it to you but most of these arrangements start by just renting a room from someone, if the chemistry is there and they’ve been living there a long time you can work something out as I have

  13. I don’t feel sexual attraction, so I’ve recently opened up to the potential of dating queer folks, however this is more to do with not many people wanting to actually make an intimate connection with me.

  14. Might wanna check in you local newspaper, you’d be surprised someone may have posted something similar to what you’re looking for. That or Craigslist.

    Either way, sounds like you’re seeking something of a companionship of sorts.

  16. So you are looking for a golden girls situation. I don’t think this happens naturally. 

  19. a best friend.. theres no looking its just gonna have to happen. to find someone cool enough looking for a place and things falling in order idk..id say you have a better chance finding a guy whos around 50 for highest odds idk

  20. Look for things labeled housing cooperatives, housing collectives, and co housing. These can vary in set up but are some key words that can help you start your search.

  22. That sounds like you need to live with a good friend that will be a good roommate. You be hard pressed to find another dude looking for that kind of arrangement unless they were looking for a male partner.

  25. This honestly sounds like simply renting a room out, except with the bonus friends with the live-in landlord or wanting to create a more homely (temporary because you’re renting) space.

    I’d look for someone with similar values to me.
    Someone that cares, that will clean up after themselves, is a team player (work together) and leader (take charge of project and not always ask “what should we do?”), willing to learn, yadda yadda.

    Some friendships are better having separate spaces.
    Certain friends of mine are not that mature, considerate, whatever words that would become a problem if we lived together.
    For example, a friend of mine that still lives with his parents and is very dependent (despite having full ability to be independent), so his cooking and cleaning skills are that of a young teenager. He expresses interest in wanting to live with me often while in the same breathe express the need to learn how to [be an adult]…

  30. I’d rather have a female roommate than a male roommate, they’re both messy as fuck, but a woman’s mess is mostly her bathroom, where as a mans mess is empty mountain dew bottles all over the fucking coffee table. I got lucky cause I found an old friend from hs on tinder and now we’re platonic roommates, we’ve known each other for like 15 years so we both have this understanding that we can’t possibly screw someone over we’ve known for 15 years.

  32. Personally I would not look for that because I am straight.

    No shame though, you could try dating apps.

  34. Basically you are looking for communal living. It’s pretty rare and hard to find. It would still be pretty limited to find for me and I live in a very progressive area.

    You could possibly look for a tiny home community to join as well.

  35. I probably wouldn’t personally. The only thing that jumps to mind for me would be looking for some kind of “house full of people” that have an open room. Years and years ago I visited some friends who lived in Carbondale, CO and lived in what they referred to as the “pink palace” (3 story house that was painted in bright pink) and something like 8 people lived there. It was basically kind of a “communal living” sort of arrangement, shared kitchen and sharing living room areas, they all seemed to get along.

    Course trying to find something like that where “every one gets along” and is compatible.. seems like a pretty tall ask.

    After many many many years of living alone where I can do whatever I please (and things can always be as quiet as I want, easily) .. I would likely never give up living alone. To many advantages.

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