Met a guy a few months ago and at first it honestly felt perfect.
He was texting me good morning every day, sending me random memes/reels constantly, double texting sometimes, talking about places we should go together, even saying stuff like “I’ve never connected with someone this easily before.”
And because of how consistent he was, I naturally got attached a little.
Then after like a month something slowly changed.
Nothing dramatic happened.
No argument.
No issue.
He just slowly became… different.
Replies got colder.
He stopped asking questions.
Started taking hours to answer while still watching all my stories instantly.
Still flirted sometimes though, which confused me even more.
And what messed with my head the most is that if I pulled away, suddenly he’d come back again acting interested. Then once I relaxed, he’d get distant again.
Eventually I asked him directly if he actually wanted a relationship and he said:
“I like you a lot, I’m just not sure I’m ready for something serious right now.”
And honestly I feel like this is becoming SO common now.
People want:
- attention
- emotional comfort
- validation
- someone to talk to every day
But once things start becoming emotionally real, they panic or lose interest because another “new” person is always one swipe away.
I genuinely don’t think dating was like this before social media/apps became huge.
Does anyone else feel like modern dating creates a lot of temporary emotional connections that never actually become real relationships?
TL;DR: Guy acted super emotionally invested for weeks, slowly became distant, then admitted he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Starting to feel like modern dating is full of temporary emotional attachment and validation cycles.
16 comments
Yes dating apps have definitely changed the dating landscape for the worse— but also, what you’re describing is textbook love bombing.
You’re not wrong. Dating apps have commodified human beings and the human experience, and everywhere you look there’s a subtle psychological trick happening with how social media and dating apps are designed which is through variable reinforcement schedules. It’s the same mechanism that makes gambling so addictive, and it’s something that, as humans, we’re hooked on.
Initial attachment is a whole level of high in and of itself, and a lot of people are addicted to both that as well as the thrill of the chase without even knowing that about themselves. It’s this addiction to the emotional highs, coupled with a real epidemic in society of not being willing to dig in and push forward when things get even remotely difficult, that’s causing a lot of emotionally immature and otherwise childish adults to be floating around in the dating pool.
So yeah, social media has definitely changed the way people see, and experience, dating, and definitely not for the better. Same thing here from the male perspective as well. Tons of flakes, not much substance, but that’s fine by me because I have my dog who will always be consistent.
Im quitting social media/apps and im gonna avoid every phone zombie i see irl
There used to be a stigma attached to meeting someone online. The idea being that meeting online instead of in-person was a bit strange. But I think this also had the side effect of making online dating more intentional and filtering against people with no real interest in commitment.
As online dating became more accepted, and then accelerated during the pandemic, that extra filtering disappeared. Now people are not only filtering for what they are looking for, but also bearing the emotional burden of figuring out who is actually intentional.
Yes. The only way is to stop being on the apps and stop being part of the problem
I think with modern dating , you need to filter faster. I think alot of people hang in there to long or rush into things. Instead of seeing a few signs and tells and walking away quickly. We might hang in way to long.
What you’re describing is textbook ANXIOUS AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT. Gets you attached but keeps you distant enough to stay in their comfort zone. There is a book called Attached. It’s a game changer and you’d benefit a lot from reading it and will be able to read people better.
Block him. Remove him from your socials. Watch him come running back at some point from any avenue he can find. Don’t give in. Protect your heart.
What you experienced was love bombing, but you’re not wrong. Dating apps push sex/hook up culture and physical attraction over emotional. Instead of dating apps people should just leave their house. Go find a hobby and meet people with similar interests without expecting it to become romantic. The building blocks to a relationship is friendship.
Maybe he lost interest, because things move too slowly, or don`t move at all….
weird and/or manipulative people have always existed, maybe its getting slightly worse, but lets not overdramatise
I think it’s universally agreed that social media and dating apps have injected tons of problems into the dating world. It’s not an understatement to say that there are those who worry that Tinder may have endangered our species, if only temporarily.
But what you are describing is not consistent with the impact that social media and dating apps have had. In fact, what you’re describing is much closer to dating in the 90s and 00s.
The dating app experience for girls, generally speaking, is that they have it in the back of their mind that if one guy isn’t perfect, there are another 100 matches waiting in the wings. So they can be very selective about what they’re willing to accept and how long they’re willing to wait for there to be a real spark.
The dating app experience *for guys* is that they have to put themselves out there thousands of times to get one or two actual chances with a girl. It has actually caused a lot of anxiety and insecurity for men, and has contributed to men becoming codependent, clingy, and unable to handle rejection.
What you’re describing is much more like the negative traits from 30 years ago that have actually mostly gone away… where guys would be on the prowl while girls would sit in bars, clubs, college student centers, etc. waiting to be scooped off their feet. A result was that a lot of guys were sort of “in it for the hunt.” They loved going after girls and being the guy who “won,” ie who got the date, but once they actually had a girl interested, they’d lose interest because they already got the ego boost from getting them in the first place.
It may be that this guy was mostly interested in boosting his own self-esteem by winning you over – saying the things he knows you would like to hear, not because he means them, but to win you over. Once that was done, he wasn’t interested in sticking around. Sorry to be the one to tell you.
Yeah tech is definitely widening the loneliness epidemic
I’ve been love bombed and ghosted so much at 27non apps from men with profiles saying communication, wants kids, life partner after several months of dating. I legit am traumatized from it. They have endless options and will come back a month later as if they never did it. I really try to date off the apps due to this but it’s hard so I end up trying to use them again. I just got lied to about a dudes grandma dying after he ghosted me 3 weeks ago I was dating for 2 months. No clue if his grandma died. He showed no slow fade confusion nothing. Claimed he liked me more than I liked him solely bc I told him I move slow bc OF GHOSTERS. Ironic isn’t it ? So sad this modern dating is trash. People saying they want commitment but can’t even text someone hey I don’t wanna see u no more but will make up extreme lies as far as there grandma died is insanity
Sure, tech changed the dating landscape just like LLMs have changed reddit via slop posts all structured the same like yours.
In both cases it seems it would be so much better if people would simply communicate in their own authentic voice and honesty hmm?
This is 100% what is happening. The scary part is that it’s happening in relationships too! it’s why I choose to stay single.
People did this before too. We are emotional. We often *want* love and sex, but not the realities of commitment. People have always felt intense and then cooled off. The dating apps don’t cause this – but they certainly dump gasoline on our worst tendencies and hand us a matchbook