Please tell me I’m not a “psycho” like I’ve been called. My husband and I have been married for all of 2 years. Together for only 3.5. We have a baby. I work he works we all work. I found out about his porn addiction post marriage. Told me he’d stop. Caught him. Told me he’s sorry and would stop. Caught him. Also found out he was searching up old flings on fb and I get it we are all curious about past relationships or crushes. I would have gotten over it quickly if it wasn’t multiple times of the same couple of women. He told our marriage therapist he has a porn addiction and that he would go to therapy for that. He never did. I have 0 trust in this man. ZERO. I have no idea where he is, who he’s talking to, what he’s doing on his phone. And that’s just it. That’s how he wants it. We have fights about “how are you going to gain my trust back?..what are you going to do to gain my trust back?” He said “it doesn’t matter”. 😂 we had one fight where I had literally just couldn’t take it anymore..last straw kind of thing. I saw he had sent a woman a fire emoji..one of the women he had searched for a couple of times. I took his phone and slapped him in the face. First and last physical altercation.
Anyway he told his parents EVERYTHING..like they find out everything in real time like they are live!
Not only do I have a husband who doesn’t care if i trust him but I have a husband that tells his parents everything. I can’t get over either one . What in the world do I do?
P.S. he gets upset that I don’t love his parents and want to spend so much time with them. Hanging out with people you aren’t close to that know very vulnerable and sensitive information about you is absolutely not something anyone would choose to do.
17 comments
Soooooo… whats the plus side of this marriage
telling his parents every detail of your marriage while refusing to properly rebuild trust with you is such an unhealthy dynamic
he sounds more committed to hiding stuff than fixing anything honestly
He’s cheating or at least searching for it and doesn’t care if you trust him or not, you’ve taken things to a physical level – sounds like a miserable situation overall.
That is very immature to not be able to maintain privacy in your marriage. That’s a violation of your privacy for him to be telling his parents everything. He doesn’t understand boundaries.
Has he pursued assault charges against you?
Odd that his actions are so toxic…then you react…and you are psycho…
Typical gaslighting behavior
🚩🚩🚩 this guy is full of red flags!!
Wtf I am 31, I do not talk about my marriage much to my parents at all. If I needed help I’d go to a counseller. It isn’t really their business plus they’re retired they don’t need to be worrying about my marriage lol.
He doesn’t even like you. No man will treat a woman he loves like this. He has blown any possibility of trust in the relationship and doesn’t care. You hear that? He doesn’t care. Are you prepared to abandon yourself and your self-respect to stay with such a man? For what? Are you prepared to show this dynamic to your child as a blueprint for what they should emulate when they are older? Are you prepared for your child to have no respect for you either, bc they will emulate you have no respect for yourself, you know. That’s how it works. A man who loves a woman will do ANYTHING not to hurt her. A man who loves a woman will hurt any other woman’s feelings before hurting her feelings. You love a delusion, not the real him. You love what you think is his potential, not what actually is. The time you have already invested will be a good learning experience for you, but it will not miraculously change this man. If he wanted to, he would.
BTW, you are not in any way, psycho. You are reacting to his behavior and he is manipulating the situation by focusing on your REACTION to his behavior. Typical manipulator tactic.
You know what’s cool about being a single parent? You don’t have that constant “Is he doing something shady” anxiety in the pit of your stomach.
If my child is a victim of domestic violence, I hope they can be brave enough to share that with me.
This doesn’t sound healthy for you or for him. Are you holding on because of your child?
Have you told his parents about his porn addiction and about him chasing other women? They might as well hear the whole story.
But, what do you get out of this marriage? He sounds awful.
Why are you still with this man? He has shown himself untrustworthy and you are endangering your life being with him. Your least concern is the in-laws, you need a good divorce lawyer. Leave the skunk he means you no good.
Does his parents know he’s a porn addict and a cheater??
Be sure you tell them right when you hand the divorce papers to you A-hole soon-to-be EX husband!!!
Get out, darlin’. ***GET OUT ASAP!!!***
I’m so sorry for the situation your in:(🍀🩷
My pov:
Boundaries need consequences.
Repeatedly stating boundaries without consequences is a form of begging.
You tell us you have 0 trust in him; He crosses boundaries; He talks to other women; He repeatedly lies to you or manipulates you to believe he will stop, which he doesn’t do; and shares private information with others
You need a reality check. You have recognised and acknowledged how bad your situation is. That’s a great first step! But that also means the rest is on you. You choose your future! This is very freeing, actually. You are in control of your life and the people you let in (ofc it’s not always easy, but ykwim)
If you accept all this behavior and therefore choose to stay with this manipulative, lying person who contacts other women—> a manipulative, lying partner is what you will get.
These are the facts.
You mention the first red flags of him calling women bitches. You have all the knowledge now. He showed you what he’s like. If you want to leave a peaceful life for you and your baby; I suggest choose to take the necessary responsibility, live your best life and leave him!!
My husband had a porn addiction. Stopped immediately after I found out. We got into marriage counseling and have worked through gaining my trust back. We said full stop no one knows of our marriage issues. It’s no one’s business. Sure I wish some people knew but we have our couples therapist and our individual therapists to talk to.