I asked a girl out in college, we went on a date, but after that she started ghosting me and replying coldly, so I eventually walked away. Months later she tried texting me again, but by then I had moved on.

Later on, I ended up dating one of her friends. The funny part is that this friend and I actually connected really well naturally. She’s smart, interesting, beautiful, and we genuinely enjoy each other.

Now the first girl seems very against it, even though she was the one who rejected/distanced herself in the first place. We all used to be in the same friend circle in college, and they’re still friends.

So I’m curious from a girl’s perspective: Is it jealousy? Ego? Feeling replaced? Territorial instincts? Or does it feel like some kind of betrayal between friends?


24 comments

  2. It’s because she thinks by you getting with this new woman, it means she lacks something and is doing the comparison game. It’s all her shit, not you guys. It also means she’s childish as hell.

  3. If they see them with someone else they probably think there must have been something there they didn’t see and they’ve missed out on it

  4. I think a lot of guys have experienced the distant girl who never showed interest all of a sudden get interested after they find out you have a new lady. Its weird and I never understood it because if I see a lady who I talked to with a new guy, I would never reach out to her but this has happened to me multiple times. Like they clearly know Im in a relationship yet reach out and act very friendly when in the past, they ghosted me or never showed interest. Idk maybe anecdotal but some womens brains are just wired differently and they get some weird validation knowing that other women are also into you. It like gives them assurance that you’re good enough for other people so you’re good for them now

  6. This happened to me. An ex-gf who broke up with me and began seeing someone else introduced me to my wife-to-be, but from the beginning never supportive of us.

    We were married 16 years, together for 21. Adopted a teenager who’s now 30. All because of her introduction. Not a word of happiness for us.

  7. It’s an ego thing. Some girls only want a fan and be admired. They dislike it when that fan stops being her fan and actually get in serious relationship with another woman. It’s not that she doesn’t want you to be happy, she just hates another woman can get the attention and admiration she thought she used to have effortlessly.

  10. Read or watch Wuthering Heights. You are supposed to be destroyed without her. Moving on is an affront to the very core of their sense of self. Especially if it’s with that bitch Linda.

  11. It’s happened to me many times. Girl who initially rejected you gets jealous when you move on to another girl, or another girl that they know expresses interest in you, and they get jealous that way. They want what they can’t have anymore.

  12. She had dibs and now that you’ve been validated, she wants those dibs back.

  13. According to my wife, women really value men who have been vetted/approved by other women. By seeing the guy she rejected get accepted by another, particularly a trusted friend, it throws her judgment into question (probably subconsciously).

    I think there’s probably another layer to it, which is that the rejection gave her a sense of power over that guy. Like she was the key holder for a period, but now that power was taken away.

  14. There are some women who like the feeling of a man wanting them, but without the burden of having to like the man back. The “friend zone” thing is real, and it’s a lot more common than women want to admit. Women like knowing that they can have a man desiring them so they can use it as an emotional safety blanket to feel wanted and desired to feed either their own ego, or their insecurities. When that stops, they can get upset either out of jealousy that the other woman is now getting that attention, or they can get upset because their own ego interprets it as rejection and can’t handle rejection very well. A lot of women are not accustomed to rejection from men, at least not to the massively higher scale that men experience rejection.

  15. Humans in love are basically toddlers. We get bored with something and drop it, someone else picks it up and suddenly it’s your precious 

  16. Some girls think that all girls are sisters and all boys are evil 🤷

  17. Just guessing, but she probably chose someone else over you, and that didn’t work out. She chose poorly and its rubbed in her face.

    But also, men seem genuinely more attractive to them when they are desired by other women.

  18. Women like men who other women want. Plain and simple . Women also like to keep their options opened. She may have “shelved” you for later, not necessarily for now but she probably like the idea of being with you.

    Women like the validation, to lose it is equivalent to losing her ego.

  20. One thing I’ve seen: Women who play games/play hard to get, hate women who don’t. You were supposed to fight for her. So the fact that another woman (and her friend) decided that you were also worth the effort and didn’t play games, that’s a problem.

    Also, you’re a loser who doesn’t know what you lost and a real man would have fought for her (yes this is sarcasm but also potentially her POV)

  23. Women like to have backup guys. If you’re taken, you’re not available for her.

  24. The girl who rejected me told her best friend who is also the cousin of the girl I ended up dating that I was her “backup option” and she was expecting me to wait around in case it didn’t work out with the dude she chose instead.

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