I googled how I am feeling and the term I found many times is Anhedonia. I had dreams and passion to achieve them but now the lights are out. I see no point in doing anything other than my responsibilities. I used to love reading and writing and creating new things but now I find them daunting and pointless. All I see now is just work, eat, and sleep. I don't want anything. The feeling of wanting or yearning is gone. What should I do? I just crossed the halfway point of my thirties btw, if that piece of information is relevant. I couldn't care less about my birthday, to me it was just as any other day. My family celebrated it with me but I put the most efficient mask that day so they wouldn't question how I really feel. I tried opening up to them but I would rather slide down on a razor slide and into an alcohol tub than talk to them again.
Fellow men who went through this, what did you do? And why?
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Here’s an original copy of /u/GlassCoffee420’s post (if available):
I googled how I am feeling and the term I found many times is Anhedonia. I had dreams and passion to achieve them but now the lights are out. I see no point in doing anything other than my responsibilities. I used to love reading and writing and creating new things but now I find them daunting and pointless. All I see now is just work, eat, and sleep. I don’t want anything. The feeling of wanting or yearning is gone. What should I do? I just crossed the halfway point of my thirties btw, if that piece of information is relevant. I couldn’t care less about my birthday, to me it was just as any other day. My family celebrated it with me but I put the most efficient mask that day so they wouldn’t question how I really feel. I tried opening up to them but I would rather slide down on a razor slide and into an alcohol tub than talk to them again.
Fellow men who went through this, what did you do? And why?
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Travel, immediately. To places you know nothing about. This world is amazing, and you are just trapped in a meaningless routine like a fish in a bowl. Go find the ocean
Ive had this since i was 13. Im almost 37.
“I would rather slide down on a razor slide and into an alcohol tub than talk to them again” is quite a strong statement to slip in at the end. Why is this your sentiment? Did something happen? What do you think would happen if you opened up to them? How does it feel to imagine doing that? Quite possibly your “anhedonia” is simply a symptom of you avoiding and repressing.
In any case, it sounds like you would very much benefit from talking to a therapist. They specialize in helping you understand your feelings, needs, etc. (or what might perhaps seem like lack thereof), and getting things unblocked. It’s super common for having something unintegrated in this area to manifest as anhedonia, depression, disconnection, etc.
Structured exercise and refraining from cheap dopamine hits really helped me through bouts of this.
I’m going through this now, I don’t get any enjoyment out of any of my hobbies anymore. They feel like a chore, I own and operate a small business. So that keeps me very very busy. My doctor told me I have depression, but I don’t feel depressed lol
I hope you find what you’re looking for, if I could afford it. I would take my whole family traveling.
They’re gonna tell you you are depressed and put you on medication
The real answer is you have to search within and find meaning going forward
In my own experience, it’s helping the less fortunate around you
Find something that you’re passionate about and give your time to it
Ie mentor at risk youth with no male role models etc big brother / big sisters. Etc
I’m 34, have been anhedonic since 24 because of SSRI injury. I’d recommend getting bloodwork and checking for any deficiencies. I had severe vitamin d deficiency, and i’ve been taking it daily since last year. Didn’t heal anhedonia but it helps, i feel alive a little bit. And stay away from psychiatry.
I think you should just fake it till you make it. Try different things. Especially things you never thought you’d try. Travel maybe, but also just different hobbies. Sports maybe. Just put yourself out there and see if amythung takes.
Try getting a cute dog. Having something to care for that loves you is a great thing. Also try traveling a little. Just force yourself to do *something*. Then force yourself to do something again. Form those neural pathways again.
See a doctor.
What you’re describing can happen after prolonged stress, burnout, continous disappointment or years of living in responsibility mode without enough emotional recovery. Things that once felt alive start feeling mechanical. Not tragic. Just empty.
The part that stands out in your post is that you still notice the loss. You remember what passion felt like. You know something changed. That matters.
When someone becomes highly functional but internally absent for years. They keep working, smiling when needed, paying bills and surviving but they quietly disappear from their own life.
As many other people have commented, you should get more sunlight and fresh air, get out of home to anywhere like a nearby park or beach, join a group which shares your interest, start learning a new language, take up a new hobby or learn a new skill related to your profession.
Spending more time in nature really helped me to get out of my numbness. It made me feel alive and helped clear my head.
Two things:
1. I see your name has 420 in it. If you smoke too much, maybe bring that down to like Friday nights at most. Weed sucked my ability to feel joy out for a while. I still do it but much much less.
2. Find a hobby and then, here’s the important part, find others who do it as well and go into it looking for mentors. Most hobbies have organized clubs. I’ve been part of so many of them and it makes doing something more enjoyable to share ideas with others doing it too.
I don’t think there is a cure.
I’ve done everything at this point.
Therapy, journaling, meditation, breathing exercises, weightlifting, cardio, travelling, dating (zero success), new careers, going to concerts and gigs, playing in a band, doing open mic nights, dnd, watching anime, playing games, diy stuff, drugs, solo dates. Fuck me I can go on and on.
None. NONE of them.
Give me any sort of joy.
It’s been a decade of this.
I’ve worked with around 7 therapists over the past 15 years.
All with different advice that I’ve followed. Applied. And really. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. REALLY tried to change myself. I. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. BE. DEPRESSED. ANYMORE.
It’s so fucking exhausting.
But I just can’t switch it off.
I’ve tried therapy again. This is the 8th time. Same old advice. Same old charts. Same old diagrams. Same old same old. Yes I’ve already mentioned my past therapy sessions with the current therapists.
I guess I just have to live with it
I feel this so much. Through the past few years, in my 40s, just no passion for anything. I don’t even want to date.
I workout, in the best shape of my life, but that is just another part of my routine like work and sleep.
We need to get out more. One thing I have learned is that it doesn’t get any better if we keep doing the same things.
are you on any medications?
how are the rest of your hormones? sleep?
I’ve been struggling with this for the last 6 years. If it helps at all, at least you’re not the only one going through it – seems like there’s a few of us in here.