Specifically on heavier topics or ones people are particularly passionate about. I've been told that I'm too agreeable and that I rarely challenge people on what they say or express my own opinion, to the point where people don't really know what I believe, which is an accurate assessment. But I think the reason for that isn't that I actually agree with people all the time. Rather, I don't know how to find the right words to express that I disagree, so I hide my opinion in order to avoid making other people feel invalidated.
It's not even that I'm afraid of inviting a negative reaction, I just don't know how to make a statement on a sensitive topic without coming across as an arsehole.
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i think it helps to separate “i disagree” from “you’re wrong.” things like “i see why you feel that way, but i think differently” or “my perspective is a bit different” make disagreement feel less like an attack. you also don’t have to fully debate people every time. sometimes just calmly stating your view is enough.
and honestly, people usually trust someone more when they respectfully disagree sometimes instead of always seeming neutral.
We aren’t responsible for how other people feel. We are only responsible for our actions. As long as you are not speaking in a derogatory manner, you’re good. You can be perfectly respectful and some people will feel bad regardless. We are all allowed to have an opinion and feel however we do about other’s opinions.
i bait them by agreeing and then asking them for their ‘expert’ input/opinion on the exact topic that i will kite them around with multiple little questions where he will eventually end up invalidating their initial position on their own. Then see how they react when they realize they were wrong but you keep playing non the wiser – will he announce and own up to it, or silently claim credit for it when youve turned away. That part tells a lot about them and how your relationship with them will be.
Depends on the specific topic.
**Some topics are personal.** In that case you can validate their experiences. But also highlight your own experiences are different so you view it a bit different. But that not one experience is inherently superior – but you both are painting in your part of a broader canvas of knowledge and experiences.
**As for politics / philosophy:** What’s the reason you want to make your disagreement known? I think you are in fact correct to not always state your beliefs openly. Because what’s the point? Unless they ask for your opinion – then it’s another story.
**When it comes to establishing facts:** It’s usually not helpful to debate facts. You can just look it up. Why have a debate when a quick google search can give you the answer.
You can say that you see how certain points work but you disagree with the bigger points, being specific. You don’t owe them all of your time.
I have close friends who disagree with me on several topics, but the important point is that we each respect each other. You have to approach with a basic understanding that just because you disagree on – for example – a political idea, that your friend or relative still wants to solve the issue, they just think the solution is different. You also have to understand you can’t change people’s opinion during a discussion, you can just explain your own stance.
Here are some opening phrases that help, for me: “I see where you’re coming from. I feel like… (Offer your own opposing stance)”
“I never thought about it that way. I usually feel… (Offer your opinion)… Does that make sense?”
I work in a field where debate is a common and healthy part of collaboration, so I have some thoughts on this one.
1. Begin by asking questions to fully understand their reasoning. For example if they say: “US should start a war against Russia” your first thought might be “no, war wouldn’t solve anything and a lot of people would be killed!” But if you just say that immediately they will feel like you don’t understand their perspective. Instead you might say “what do you think that would achieve?” And on like that until you really understand why they said it. Then you move to number two
2. Repeat what they said, literally, like: “I hear your view that US should start a war with Russia to prevent a larger war in the Middle East” and then number three
3. Explain how your thinking about their underlying argument differs, such as “however in studying history I’ve found that a war with one country rarely prevents a larger war from erupting, and may even promote it”
4. Tell stories and give examples that illustrate your argument
And if you don’t have the time and energy to do all of that sometimes you just let it go in a playful way or find a common ground and change the subject as in “we all hope for a peaceful world”… because challenging ideas without a basis is boring and irritating
You could say, “You have a point but this is how I feel”, or “This is the way I feel but I can see why you think differently.”
What’s the context?
In a romantic or family relationship it would be more about making a real effort to see the other person’s POV and come to mutual understanding in a way that respects the bond you share with them.
In a business context it could be more just offering your opinion as your own point of view, then doing what your boss tells you to anyway.
If you’re disagreeing with a cashier over the price of an incorrectly-labelled item then you can be more to-the-point, since no-one is enjoying the situation anyway and you’re not likely to meet again. (Not saying to be rude, just pointing out different situations call for different levels of understanding and effort in reaching common ground).