Most boys still use gay as something negative so they do have an ever slight negative bias that's passed on from the adults in their lives.
Similarly some men report feeling that gay rights and inclusivity efforts have gone too far where they feel we don't want equality rather we want special recognition and extra rights than anyone else.
Has your stand relating to gay people significantly changed over the years?
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Here’s an original copy of /u/Shootingcomet’s post (if available):
Most boys still use gay as something negative so they do have an ever slight negative bias that’s passed on from the adults in their lives.
Similarly some men report feeling that gay rights and inclusivity efforts have gone too far where they feel we don’t want equality rather we want special recognition and extra rights than anyone else.
Has your stand relating to gay people significantly changed over the years?
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>Similarly some men report feeling that gay rights and inclusivity efforts have gone too far where they feel we don’t want equality rather we want special recognition and extra rights than anyone else.
When youre used to privilege, equality can feel like oppression.
As a straight man, I don’t care if people are gay. I do care that they face discrimination and bigotry and death, just for being who they are. As far as i can remember, my stance on that has never changed
I think it has stayed about the same for me from when I knew more about gay people. That is fully accepting. Same for ace, bi, trans or nonbinary people.
Never understood homophobia. But I‘m also very secure in my sexuality. My girlfriend and I will symp over men, Pedro Pascal is probably one of the hottest humans alive.
That being said that with social media, the extremists on both sides are extremely loud. Your average person won‘t really be noticed.
I don‘t think there‘s more homophobia but I think the violence against gay people is more extreme. That‘s also where that feeling of „they want more than equality“ comes from.
White, cis people are very privileged. As a straight white man myself I notice it everyday. Equality feels like opression when you‘re used to privilege.
Never understood homophobia. But I‘m also very secure in my sexuality. My girlfriend and I will symp over men; Pedro Pascal is probably one of the hottest humans alive.
That being said, with social media, the extremists on both sides are extremely loud. Your average person won‘t really be noticed.
I don‘t think there‘s more homophobia, but I think the violence against gay people is more extreme. That‘s also where that feeling of „they want more than equality“ comes from.
White, cis people are very privileged. As a straight white man myself, I notice it every day. Equality feels like oppression when you‘re used to privilege.
Nope.
Even at a young age they were always just people that chose a different lifestyle. Homophobia (and while I’m on my soapbox, any form of looking down upon people because… reasons) has always been weak shit.
No. I have more important things to worry about than someone’s preference.
Changed for me when I was 19 and started working in the ER and had some gay coworkers, first time really interacting with them on a regular basis.
We always used to call things gay but really meaning “lame or boring” like “wow that new Mario movie was so gay”.
That all stop for me back then and I’m nearly 40 and two of my best friends still say it regularly
When I was in high school in the 1980s, there were _teachers_ openly disparaging gay people.
With the anti-trans stuff, there has been some reactionary push back, but by and large, it is much more gay friendly now.
From my experience (aged 40), general societal homophobia has mostly decreased in the past 20 years. There may have been a spike recently, maybe.
I do slightly think that a lot of the hate and suspicion has just been transferred over to trans and non-gender-conforming people and they’ve become the “dangerous other” in some circles. Some people get their security by going “those people are bad and I’m not those people so I *must* be good” and the hate-target just shifted off gay men to trans women.
I live in the UK and I’m aware it’s not the same (or even similar) the world over.
In the US Homophobia probably reached its zenith (high point) in the mid 80s during the AIDS epidemic, then decreased slowly from the late 1980s until the late 90s.
Then it decreased MASSIVELY and RAPIDLY starting in the early 00s, and reached its nadir (low point) around 2015 or so, when as a gay man, homophobia felt almost non-existent in mainstream culture. I felt totally safe in 80% of places, and it was the first time in my life I didn’t feel like I had to always keep looking over my shoulder.
Then, starting in 2016 it started creeping back slowly and then faster since 2024. Homophobia is definitely on the rise again, almost in lockstep with the other forms of bigotry and hate that are experiencing a resurgence. What’s really awful is that Trans folks are getting the majority of the new backlash. It’s disgusting, they absolutely don’t deserve it.
So, it’s been up, down, and back up again. It feels significantly less safe now than it did 10 years ago for certain. That old habit of looking over the shoulder, and paying attention to my surroundings for safety is back for me, but it’s way worse for Trans folk which is a huge disappointment.
As a gay man myself, I experienced a ton of homophobia as a kid in the ‘00s, then it got a lot better by the time I was in high school in the early ‘10s. I do think we’ve taken some steps backwards over the past decade, but it’s not as bad as it was when I was growing up. People have largely moved on to abusing transgender people instead.
I’m an old guy. I am a straight male who grew up in the 70’s when most western countries still considered “gay panic” as a viable defence for murder.
I see young people who are basically indifferent to sexual orientation. I think it is much better than it was during my adolescence.
Having said that at least in the US there has been a huge push back against the gains that have been made in the last decade which is disturbing to me.
No. I think society today as a whole is the problem more than an increase in homophobia or racism, etc.
Social media is the main issue. We are psychologically taught to seek external validation for ourselves, and we naturally play victim to all the negative things we see online. Anxiety and depression has gone through the roof, and we internally perceive things differently. I really dont think the external world has changed much, but rather everyone’s internal world. If everyone simply stopped caring what others thought of them, a lot of these symptoms of perceived hate or fear wouldn’t exist. Our external environment is shaped by our internal environment, so we tend to seek out the evidence for what we are feeling and tend to be more sensitive and biased to the experiences that align with our internal compass.
I don’t know how many people will answer that they personally have changed, but without a doubt homophobia has declined in my spheres as I have aged. It was totally normal to just refer to things that were a bit cringe or whatever as being “gay”. And being _actually_ gay was a serious risk in my high school. Whereas now I don’t hear kids talking like that at all, and certainly my grown friends will not talk like that. Perhaps I just moved out of the backwater into a fairly inclusive and reasonable part of the city.. who knows.
I went from don’t care to annoyed. I don’t want to know to be forced to know everyones sexual preferences.
Personally — in the time and place where I grew up (rural Norway, 1980s) there were NO visible gay people around, since everyone who came out of the closet moved to the big city first. It wasn’t illegal (anymore) but strongly frowned upon by much of the general public. Getting called gay was one of the worst schoolyard insults possible, usually followed by punches. I only knew about gay people secondhand, from reading; but I read a lot. As far back as I can remember, though, I didn’t really see what was supposed to be so bad about being gay. Didn’t learn bigotry from my parents either.
Fast forward to the present day, the public attitude has shifted by a lot, open homophobia is largely unacceptable and the laws have been changed to accommodate full equality (marriage right since 2009). You will still find prejudice and, yes, the use of homophobic slurs as general insults, but less of it than there used to be.
I consider myself an ally and think we’re mostly done fixing the laws, still some work left to do with public attitudes and stuff. I don’t currently have any gay people in my really close social circle but quite a few among general friends/acquaintances/coworkers/cousins/etc. Even if I didn’t I’d still be in favour of equality etc. because it’s the right thing.
My basic attitude of acceptance hasn’t really changed, but it’s been informed and broadened by me picking up more information over the years.
I used to be a very homophobic person. I was raised in a small rural town full of bigotry so of course I became just like everyone around me. In my early 30s I’m (I’m 46 now) I began working at an arts and crafts store. I quickly found out I was one of maybe 4 employees who were not gay or lesbian. I found out working there that gay and lesbian folks are just like me. We all worked a job we hated. To pay bills we hated. And hoped we had enough money left over to go out and have a good time on the weekend. Literally the only difference was who we liked to have sex with. And I had to ask myself why I care so much about what other people do in the privacy of their own homes. When I had no good answer to that question I realized how wrong I had been and began to reevaluate my biases.
For me? Never had an issue with it then. Don’t have an issue with it now. I can’t say the same for some of my friends that I came up with though. One of them really got religious after high school. And with the religion, came some not so thinly vailed homophobia. When his younger brother came out as gay, he said he still loved him, but was disappointed in him, and insinuated that it was a choice. Then he went on to say that “God must be testing me!” without really caring about what was going on with his brother. He never denounced his little brother outright, but their relationship is far from what it used to be.
I learned about all this a few weeks ago. It kind of crushed me.
I am very libertarian when it comes to sexual preferences. If you’re gay I don’t care. But the level of debauchery that the gay community gets into, see gloryholes, orgies, and pride parade nudity, is disgusting to me. It wouldn’t be tolerable if straight people were doing stuff like that and I don’t accept that me being tolerant of gay people should mean I accept that.
Oh yeah, it has changed 100% since I was younger. My dad had been abused by a man as a child and *vehemently* hated gay people as a result. So guess who also hated gay people growing up? This guy!
I was 19 when I first moved from a small rural community to a large city(Atlanta). It was my first time around so many people and one of the guys I worked with is gay. He was the first one to really open my eyes on how much of a bigot I was and that most of the stuff I thought had no basis in reality.
Fast forward about a decade and my boss at the job I had at the time was like…suuuuuuuuper gay. The talk, the walk, mannuerisms. You name it. Once I got promoted and was no longer his employee I spent quite a bit of time hanging out with him and his old man. The situation itself didn’t end on the best of terms, but it 100% changed my perception on gay people.
Not really. Ive also thought not by business but by how much has changed. I’d be reluctant to go in the gay corner at school for example (a corner identified as gay that straight people wouldn’t hang out in ). I said lots of homophonic things but I didn’t feel any way about it.
Ive seen guys i like the look of and I’ve never really been comfy with that since puberty.
Ive started seeing the lgbt cause as linked to the neurodivegent cause so now its an allied cause.
The weird bit is i was at my least homaphobic in the first bit.
I haven’t seen much desire for extra rights in the lgbt community. There’s some polotics over trans people in toilets they’d probably be happy to get there own but that’s mostly just people wanting to pee in peace. Its not really a extra right just a extra thing to access that right.
Now some places have single loo rooms for who ever
I used to be uncomfortable around them. I think I was worried about being too friendly with them and having them or someone else think I was interested, or gay.
Recently yes maybe?
My best friend growing up came out in highschool. I saw how he was treated and was always defensive of him and pro progress for lgbt. I was his best man at his wedding and would solidly consider myself someone who has zero problems and comfortable in my own skin.
Since having kids however I have noticed myself getting more, protective? Is maybe the right word. Not because my personal feelings have changed, but because I’ve become more defensive about wanting to “protect” them from a lot if things.
Obviously it’s nuanced and lots of conversations will be had, but I see how young kids are exposed to quite a bit of gay messaging revolving around someone’s sexual preferences and just how influenced kids are.
I always thought my family members complaining about the “gay agenda” were just a bunch of ignorant boomers, but I remember being honestly surprised the first time I went to the children’s section of the library after having kids. Not upset or negative, just surprised at how common gay stuff in a place where 5 year olds running around actually was.
No, not really.
The culture, at least in the US, shifted pretty quick on this though, so the goal post has naturally moved along with that.
There are a ton of people that are still pretty homophopic, but not homophobic enough to wanna look like an out an out bigot. So now the go to move is to sort of play the libertarian when it comes up, but then take every opportunity to complain about inclusivity.
> Most boys still use gay as something negative so they do have an ever slight negative bias
See, the thing with words is they have multiple meanings. “Gay,” for example, can mean either happy/carefree, a male homosexual, or (in the common vernacular) something which is annoying, ridiculous, etc. When I say something is “gay” I don’t mean it as a slur against homosexuals at all, but rather the third meaning. Like: “oh, we’re returning to office after four years of working from home? Fuckin’ gay as hell, man…” It’s just something we always said growing up, and I don’t reckon I’ll ever change at this point.
I would even extend this to the word “f****t.” We always used it just to basically call someone a “fucking idiot” as opposed to a “homophobic” slur. To be honest, I hate this current trend of policing peoples’ use of language (to the point that I can’t even type that word in a comment for fear of being auto-banned or reported for it.)
No. I’ve always supported gay people and always referred to things as gay with appropriate company. Same with using things are retarded.
Most men are exhausted by people policing words. The ones that aren’t are the ones that need some semblance of power and control that they are trying to find in controlling other people’s language.
It’s been going through cycles. Depending where you live, for some people it’s whatever, and for others it’s an existential crisis.
It seems like we are in a bad political moment for it.
No, I never really cared about someone’s sexuality. It’s not relevant in how I treat someone or how I interact with them. The only negative stance I have on it is when someone tries to make it their whole personality, but I’m equally annoyed when someone tries to make their whole personality about any single preference they have (hobbies, politics, religion, etc).
Id say it’s less open homophobic slurs in public just because people don’t want to lose their jobs. In private? Still alive and well.
I mean how many openly gay black rappers are there?
As a gay man, there is no comparison to even the turn of the century. When I was 12, my state passed a constitutional amendment by popular ballot initiative that would allow residents to actively discriminate against LGBT people. Landlord doesn’t like gay people? Free to evict them levels of legal discrimination. Jim Crow for gay people. It passed and SCOTUS beat it down as unconscionable. 30 years later we have a gay governor. I’m not going to say it’s perfect. I still watch straight people, men especially, kind of change their expression when my orientation comes up, and just because you put a rainbow on your FB page that one week doesn’t really account for everything I heard someone say before it wasn’t cool, but it’s nowhere near where it was when I was younger. Indeed, the biggest threat to the political horizon is straight middle class people being too accommodating and allowing their children playing with androgynous fashion like they are Annie Lennox is some identity that is real for those of us who are actually LGBT (seriously people, that isn’t helpful and LGBT people are being pushed aside for white middle class “Qs” who are going to be hetero married with children a decade after college). The straightening of gay issues is somewhat concerning, it shouldn’t be lost on anyone the biggest “win” for “gay” rights was being able to live like straight people. Also, my supposed allies calling me, and others like me, “queers” is pretty obnoxious. However, I am not hearing that before having to duck a punch, so even that is better. It’s a mixed bag of mostly great, keep up the good work people. It’s nothing like it was even 15-20 years ago.
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I dunno. But anti-gay sentiment is so common all over the world that I suspect it has biological roots.
America has always had a weird fixation on who we have sex with and moralize it. I’m a 37 straight male, where I grew up (inner city) homophobia was rampant. As I grew up and moved, it definitely chilled out, especially during the Obama era. I can’t speak for lately, but it seems to be similar to 2000s but honestly I’m older and don’t stay clued in like that anymore.
I care less about what other people do or choose to do with their lives as I get older. The world needs more kindness in my opinion and people should pursuit whatever makes them happy as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.
I have no issues with gay or bi people at all. It’s the ones who’ve started adding the whole alphabet soup past LGB that I roll my eyes at. I will never take their “two spirit” nonsense seriously.
I think it’s overall better, but many men are late to the party.
ive found more often than not, the ones offended by the word are not the ones you would think…. take that for how you will
what anyone else does with another consenting adult is not my problem. if living/loving another person make them happy, regardless of gender. that’s all that matters.
Be Kind.