36M, married 8 years. I'm an engineer so I track everything, even how many cups of coffee I drink. My wife says it's a coping mechanism and she might be right.

Last spring I added a column for how I actually felt so like energy, mood and motivation. After 3 months of data the pattern was obvious because I was running on fumes and bringing nothing to our marriage. Saying no to date nights and falling asleep on the couch by 9pm. When I showed her the spreadsheet she didn't laugh but just said I noticed but I didn't want to push and that broke something open.

Started actually doing the work, firstly bloodwork. Cut back on beer and got back to the gym and started a daily supplement for energy and vitality and this is more for sleep but actually put my phone in a drawer after dinner.

Now six months in and the columns look completely different. Last week she said I feel like the guy she married and I almost cried into my eggs. The spreadsheet wasn't the point it just forced me to admit what I already knew. Anyone else have a moment like that, finally facing the thing you'd been pretending wasn't a problem?


26 comments

  5. What an incredibly sweet, good man. This really is impressive. Your thoroughness and dedication, and the ability to self reflect is so important in any relationship. I wish you both the best of luck and love!

  7. I tracked good days and bad on my calendar when my husband and I were in a rough patch so that I could see it visually, that I wasnt imagining 80% of days were bad. I dont think thats crazy. I think its smart.

  9. My wife agreed to make us an official couple after my PowerPoint presentation laying out the strong pros and weaknesses cons

  11. As an engineer, I recently started to get more heathly and I use spreadsheet for my excercise log. I also have a food diary.

    I also started trying out different protein bars instead of eating chocolate/lollies/muesli bars and I started logging the taste/texture of each protein bars and rated their taste.

    My kids laughed at my protein bar spreadsheet but my husband gets it 😊

    Having a food log really force me to face I am eating more junk food/consuming more empty calories than I’d like to admit.

  12. We do a weekly check in meeting as a family (2 best moments of the week, 2 worst, 2 we plan to do/change for the next week). A couple years ago I started putting the data in a spreadsheet in addition to our whiteboard. At the end of the year we review and calculate the frequency of things that made us happy and talk about how to increase them in our lives. My husband loves spreadsheets and this has been a nice way to increase joy. I also send texts out to our friends “hey you showed in as the best thing in our week 23% of the year”, etc. They are data nerds too and enjoy the texts.

  13. Hey OP! How many coffees a day were you at then and now?

    I recently realized I keep drinking coffee but I do stop by 2pm

  15. This is awesome of you to share! Good for you. I wish more men were willing to open up and do some reflection and change.

  16. Just here to say I love spreadsheets and I love this story! My ex-husband hates spreadsheets and could not stand me even saying the word spreadsheet. I think that may actually say a lot about a person.

  17. For me, my moment was seeking men’s group – spaces where men help each other be the men they’re trying to be. Helps me show up more, and admit and overcoming my stumbling blocks

    – ManKind Project
    – Starting a local chapter of WalkingTalkingMen.org

  19. And now she’s gonna laugh at you for making a reddit post about her laughing at you for making a spreadsheet.

  20. Is this being an engineer or is it a touch of the tism?
    -said with love from someone diagnosed neurospicy late in life

  26. There is no difference between this and apps that people subscribe to that they log and it tells them about themselves. Only you created it yourself and didn’t have to pay someone- that shows you have drive, care, and are smarter than average.

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