Last year I (31F) started dating and got into a relationship with a good friend of mine and turned out he had insane binding anxiety and just couldn't commit. It ruined the friendship. After that I dated around casually, had some fun and then started dating seriously again, because I would love to have a family at some point. Went through so many dates with guys.. some dates were fun but not compatible, some dates were scary as they turned out to be creepy, one guy even made me so scared I didn't dare to leave my house for like 2 weeks, another guy tried setting me up with a friend of his on our date, some turned into friends. Then last January I met this guy that I was insanely compatible with, we fell in love, he asked me to be his girlfriend and then after that he started pulling away and yesterday I got broken up with through text for the first time in my life after almost 2 months of relationship. I'm just so tired of it all.
Thing is, I'm ready for something serious and lasting. Something real that isn't perfect, but my God, going through dating again and having to open myself up again sounds so tiring. Right now I'm just going to focus on myself and my friends and family.
I'm tired of the 'it's not you, it's me, I just can't commit'. 'You're amazing, the most patient and beautiful person I've ever met, but it's just not working for me'.
My friends and family keep saying that I'm such a fun and amazing and beautiful person and that I will find someone or they'll eat their shoe. I'm starting to doubt it. I am pretty sure I'm not the problem, but it's really chipping away at my confidence. At least, my recent exes and friends and family say I'm not the problem and I think I'm adult enough to admit when I make mistakes, I've just been a loyal and fun and chill girlfriend with my last exes, however people keep pulling away so much that I sometimes start to doubt myself.
This was just a rant tbh. I'm tough and I'll be fine, I'm doing well in every other aspect in my life. Just needed to write this down somewhere.
10 comments
I feel exactly the same way you feel. 29F and in the process of breaking up with a guy I’ve been seeing for 6 months. He really liked me… I was cautious. Then the roles reversed and I really liked him and he doesn’t seem to have any interest in me whatsoever.
I unfortunately know him well enough to know he does have commitment issues and I was prepared for this to end eventually but it still hurts nonetheless.
It’s especially hurtful because most of my friends are in serious relationships or married… and being the only one who can’t seem to find a serious partner isn’t good for my already fragile self worth.
Unfortunately it’s not you it’s them – at least that’s the case for me. Be sad about it as long as you would be, and the eventually you’ll move on. Time heals all wounds
I feel for you, truly. I’ve just turned 33 (F) and have been dating more seriously for a few months now and while I’ve been Lucky to meet some really nice great people, there just hasn’t been that connection and compatibility I’m looking for. I’m currently taking a break cause I am burning out and it’s not fair to me or the guys I would be going out with if I’m not fully in it.
Taking care of your physical and mental health is half the battle. And I have also had moments of “is it me? Am I doing something wrong or am I asking for too much?” But I like to think if you want something so bad there is a reason for it, and all you can do is refine, rest and then follow your joy. I’m rooting for you, you’re not too late
Usually when you are about to throw in the towel then someone comes along . Don’t give up hope
I’ve been you. I KNOW I’m a catch, I’m not perfect but I’m a great partner and I’m smart, interesting, funny, relatively attractive, and have lots going on in my own life. I spent years trying to figure out where I was going wrong, I think it’s a multi part answer that’s different for everyone. I was definitely drawn to avoidant types due to some childhood things. I probably felt willing to accept subpar relationships so I could be with someone and that hindered me a lot. I spent a lot of time just on my own working on myself and I realised I wasn’t that in touch with who I really am. I was trying to be everything to men and it was too much. I’ve gained a more quiet confidence and self truth in recent years and Lo and behold I met the love of my life.
Sometimes it’s really just luck, sometimes it’s making peace with being alone and having that calm and confidence radiating out of you. My partner came along unexpectedly and it felt like I’d been waiting for him my entire life. Don’t lose hope, but do continue to check in with yourself and make sure you’re building a life on your own that you’re 100% happy with, then a partner just becomes a bonus
I (50M) was told by my wife of almost 25 years (47F) that we are just better as friends and business partners (finances and such) and the marriage has been dead for a while now. We’ve known each other for 40 years, been together 30. She was my first and only everything. She moved out and is already with another married man (41) she claims she loves. I’m still in the house with my 2 grown kids (17 and 20), but I absolutely hate being alone. It’s driving me crazy and it’s kind of killing me. She says I need to find someone who deserves all the love I have to give. I feel like there isn’t anyone else out there for me. She was it. I feel I’m a good guy who has his shit together (even though not the most handsome), but trying to find someone (online) to date (or even converse with) has been tough in my area (Winchester VA, USA). I’m not much for going out or even talking to people in public, so that’s an issue for me. Things are tough all over, I guess.
Ugh I feel you. It sucks when friends to lovers goes sour. I know people hate meeting others on dating apps but I feel more disappointed when it’s a connection that happened organically and it doesn’t work out.
Been there. Just take a time out. Why force it? Just live and be satisfied with yourself and maybe someone will come along. That’s what I’m doing😆And I feel good.
Sorry that you had some bad experiences with some of your exes at one point. I know how you feel. I’m also at the point in my life to where I want to settle down and eventually raise a family of my own. The thing is I can’t find anyone who is on the same page as me on wanting to build a long-term relationship. I hate one-sided relationships since that was the case with me on the last woman I was talking to at the time.
Same here. 32F. Tired of dating and going through the whole process.
Meeting people organically doesn’t work for me.
As I go to gym and work.
Not a fan of clubbing.
Right now building a career.
Went on few dates with guys who wanted only sex and couldn’t even do the bare minimum of dating.
I keep deleting and installing dating apps.
Most of my friends are married and with kids.
Feels lonely to not have a partner when you know you are a catch. But I will never settle for douches.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
Ok, then don’t date.
You can keep fuking around and having your fun.