This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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28 comments
For people who were dating a nice, good partner that they ultimately weren’t attracted enough to / didn’t share enough overlap in life goals, and who have now been single for quite some time, how do you feel about having decided to break up with them now that you have some perspective? Do you regret it or feel like it was the right decision?
Tomorrow I’m seeing my baby after over 3 weeks! Im so excited!!!
Should I send a follow up text if I think I’m being ghosted, been over 3 days without reply now
Currently finding a way to kindly but directly ask someone if they want to see me again or move on, but not just be pen pals. Our texting (and voice notes) was really fun and consistent and we met up yesterday. We had a really nice time, and I’m even more into them having met in person.
But I asked pretty directly afterwards if they wanted to get together again and they haven’t answered, but keep texting me things like asking me how my day is going.
It hurts because I like this person a lot, they’re very cute and emotionally intelligent. But these kind of guessing games just wear on me.
I want to enjoy this wedding I’m at but all I can think about is how insanely far I am from ever having this. Still waiting on holding a guy’s hand for the first time? Like how am I living on another planet from everyone else?
Does anyone struggle with anxiety after things going well? I keep expecting something bad to happen. Things are going well but I keep waiting for the shoe to drop and find out for some reason it’s not.
Did a Sofar singles event last night, gave my number twice but I’m not confident about either tbh. First guy I didn’t really fancy but he asked me in front of a group and I felt really harsh saying “no”.
Second guy was really nice, I gave him my number, and then we kept talking and the more we talked the more I realised we’re not really compatible – he was younger than I thought (just turned 27) and still very much a “party” boy
Both have already texted me so I guess I’ll have to reject them now
It’s been 1 week since the fateful night where everything apparently went wrong. I think I’ve healed a little bit, but still feel the loss so acutely.
The only solace I’ve been able to find is accepting she was probably uncertain or on the fence to begin with, and after being intimate realized she had to make a choice rather than keep going and make the decision harder. Unfortunately, she didn’t choose me, but I suppose it could be a mercy she ended things when she did.
I still wish so badly I could have done a few things differently, or had another chance to capture her heart, but we can’t go back in time.
Another bookmark to hold myself accountable to honoring my non-negotiables, even with casual connections. Experience has taught me to be discerning with people I bring into my life in any capacity. There’s also a lot of discomfort with waiting it out a little bit. I’m seeing the signs of it not being a fit, and wanting to just send the message ending it instead of sitting in those feelings. I set the intention of participating in dating as an exercise in personal growth, and it is certainly delivering. Mindful dating during the apocalypse is really growing me.
One of the people I’m messaging, convo seems to have fizzled out. But I still really want to meet her. What are people’s thoughts on saying something like: ‘I know messaging isn’t always the most exciting, but I’d love to meet you in person and see if there’s a connection. Interested in meeting for dinner out somewhere this week?’
Context is we only exchanged like six messages so basically no real rapport at this point.
Tomorrow’s plan is to go to a farmers market and then a baseball game. I’m a dork and have had my outfit planned for a week now.
It’s my birthday which is making me introspective. It’s always kind of hard to have noone special to celebrate with on these days, even if my (long distance) friends are checking in.
But that being said I think I’m going to go for it and move to the small town where I was offered work. I can’t predict how it will affect dating but the city I’m in hasn’t even yielded any friendships in the year I’ve been here. I’ve tried book clubs, yoga classes, a social hiking group, being a regular at the brewery and getting people from work together. Nothing’s caught on. Culturally, I just can’t relate to people here. My sense of humour and life experiences just don’t land.
Meanwhile my two groups of friends from the two small towns I’ve lived in remembered my birthday, sent gifs and we’re making plans to get together over the summer. I can’t articulate how good that feels. And even though I haven’t found my person I had an easier time organically meeting dates through my friends in small towns. People who were vouched for, people who knew my people.
Ugghhh I have a headache of a move to deal with but today I let myself eat cake.
Date at my place in a few days! I’m excited but also nervous. I have a lot of questions to ask
Been contemplating having an open conversation with my coach at the gym, outside of training. He’s thoughtful, funny, disciplined, self assured and building a life he loves. He’s usually checking in on me during class, correcting my form or increasing the difficulty level when he knows it’s relatively easy for me. Which is a major win for trainers in general and normal. I have a feeling he maybe interested too. But there’s always the, if he wanted to get to know you, he would have already started a conversation. He’s just a super friendly guy.
Currently working on my mental health and work, so holding off on any new ideas until I’m more confident with my thoughts and actions🥲
This week had a dude literally explain myself to me in “numbers” for the first time ever like I was a fuckin math problem.
“She’s a 4 but she fucks like a 9, so she’s a 6, but that makes her think she can do a lot better because dating apps make 4s think they can get older more established dudes, so 5s like me know we’re 5s and so we dont date above us, but girls below us get to have their pick of the litter because dating apps have ruined women”
He also asked “what is the bare minimum for a husband to do these days?”
I said “be a good person” and apparently there were not enough numbers in that equation for him.
Like, what? Y’all are fuckin with numbers out here?? Never have I ever brought a calculator to the dating ring.
Sorry, but that’s a human being and i will evaluate them as such, not degrade them down to a series of numbers.
Wasn’t someone just talking about having the hots for their landlord and vice versa? Curbed apparently has [advice](https://www.curbed.com/article/landlord-tenant-crush-advice-column.html) for that, however specific to NYC.
What would you do if you video chatted with a guy you think is attractive only to find out he has a super feminine high pitch voice to the point it sounds gay?
I’m completely thrown off. I usually go for masculine men. But the last few men I met won’t ask me questions about myself, and this guy does ask questions. I think his face and smile are attractive but his voice and inflection is very very feminine… We had a nice long conversation on video chat but at the same time I felt awkward. Should I meet him in person and determine how I feel?
Ps. Here’s more info: I don’t know if he was enthusiastic about meeting me or was lovebombing me with some things he was saying. Like he kept mentioning date ideas, said I’m wifey material because I can cook, and he brought up a future relationship between us. He has a young child he sees every week so he’s a dad. This also threw me off because it wasn’t mentioned previously. He also said he has like no friends. Not sure if those are red flags. I’m confused.
people who are reading this but taking a break from dating – what are the specific qualities a person or relationship would have to have to pull you back in?
I cheated in my past relationship and the shame and guilt still haunt me. My therapist, family, friends are all pushing me to give dating another try, but I just can’t get over the regret and remorse. I’m not looking for undeserved sympathy here, but wondering if anyone here has committed similarly terrible betrayals in the past, and how you were able to forgive yourself and be better from it.
Have you ever dated anyone with minimal interests outside of you and the relationship? If so, how did that go?
Went to a gig last night with my FWB, I introduced him to the artist’s work and he quite liked him but has converted to a fan since the gig!
He had his arm around me for a lot of the show and I had my head on his shoulder a few times. I’ve always wanted a partner to go to gigs with – live music is my absolute favourite thing and I almost always go alone so it was lovely to have him there with me, even if we aren’t dating.
It’s getting easier to enjoy what we have for what it is and I’m doing better than I thought I would be at accepting it’s not everything I want
Hitting the casino tonight with some friends, then doing nothing tomorrow just how I like it lol
So, I currently planning a trip with this woman I meet years ago then lost touch with.. She reached out again after she saw of my photography and quickly gave me her number. We talked (and still talk) nearly every day on the phone. Found out through out talking that she is planning on moving back to where I live (decision before we reconnected) and we expressed feelings for each other, even did a long site ce Valentine’s exchange. A few weeks after they, she came to me and said she can’t be in a relationship due to a conversation with her ex that make re realize she has things she needs to work on. Communication didntsper for a bit, but she reached out and thanked me for being a constant and keeping communication up. During some of our most recent talks, she’s joked about finding someone she doesn’t hate so she can go on fancy dates. I still have feelings for her and not sure how she feels and am wondering if I just keep riding this wave of whatever it is or speak my mind and express my feelings. We are still planning this trip and are about 2 months from me flying out. Like Billy Joel says, I should just tell her about it, but I don’t want to ruin what could naturally happen or make my worst fear of being 3rd wheeled on this, what she still hints at, is a private trip with just us. Thanks in advance and hope y’all have a great day!
My four best and very dear friends are two couples and I love them a lot, but spending much time with me is starting to get to me because I won’t ever find someone as a fifth wheel, I’m sort of excluded from tons of convos and their friendship, while I treasure it, is not the same
I’m 35m, have a pretty severe (and apparent) physical disability, have been single 12+ years since before becoming disabled, and I can’t seem to get anywhere with dating. I feel like I haven’t made anyone else feel interested enough to keep talking in a long time. Dating apps just seem to bring out the most boring side of me, for whatever reason. Is it asinine to think that maybe I’m not meant to find love or whatever?
I have an update to my comment from a few days ago!!
**Original comment:**
Ugh after three amazing dates I got the dreaded breakup text last night.
He genuinely has a lot going on right now and we hadn’t seen each other in two weeks. Despite that he’s been amazing at keeping in touch, and I’m a pretty independent person anyway so I didn’t mind.
Well told me he really likes me but doesn’t want to waste any more of time since he knows I want to date seriously. I replied thanking him and let him know I’d be open to seeing each other again if/when his schedule lightens up – For context, he’s an executive at a company that has its busiest seasons in April-June (he’s been working 10-12 hour days just to stay afloat), so there was a light at the end of the tunnel at least work-wise.
He didn’t reply to me, so I’m thinking he probably just wasn’t as interested any more and wanted to let me down easy (which is completely OK and imo the nice thing to do), or a combo of both. So I’m going to just delete his number and move on.
I know it was only three dates but being with him was really natural and checked all the boxes. I’m really bummed 🙁
I also bought him a small birthday present that I have to return now. Ugh
**Update:**
He sent me a voice note this morning apologizing and saying he wasn’t happy with how he handled things. He’s been stretched really thin with work and sent the text in a particularly stressed moment without thinking through it.
He said he likes me a lot and if I’m still available and interested in him, he’d like to see me as soon as things settle down at work. Then apologized again.
I’m trying not get my hopes up too much because a lot can change in two months, but I’m really happy he sent me that! I think it’s such a green flag that he reached out to apologize and also how he doesn’t expect me to wait around for him.
I’m not sure how much I will pursue dating in the meantime however, because that wouldn’t really be fair to my dates and I was in need of a break from dating anyway. Again, I’m not getting my hopes up but I am cautiously optimistic!
Did an online clothes shop and felt the urge to take my cute new outfits for a spin, apparently. I lifted the self imposed dating ban and started swiping. I’ve got a date I’m really excited about Tuesday, and another with someone I have some mutuals with in a shared industry next weekend. I’m not getting my hopes up by any means but you never know, I guess.
I feel really discouraged lately. I’m a healthcare provider rapidly approaching burnout which isn’t helping, but I’m so tired of failed talking stage after failed talking stage. None of which are ended by me. I feel like I’m a pretty open minded person and am always open to getting to know someone better on a second date even if I’m not super into them off the bat. But I can’t even seem to interest anyone enough to make them want a second date with me. Does anyone else feel this way? I’m attracted to so few men that when I do find one I’m actually attracted to I can’t seem to get a second date. Ugh.