This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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22 comments

  1. Back to taking a break from dating. Just too much going on with work, and the downs of dating is somewhat compounding with work stress and starting to take a toll on my mental health. Old enough to know A quality match or dating will not fix anything and prob just stress me out more. Idk just want to feel desired and valued—romantically and professionally.

    I know I’m enough but damn life’s been kicking my ass; I could really use a W right now.

  2. When do you feel comfortable enough to do little things – like making them your phone background or giving their contact name emojis, including them in your every day convos (like “my bf said” or whatever), or even big things like buying concert tickets a year ahead?

    I have not had much luck after my LTR (currently hella single after being ghosted lol) and find myself holding back from even assigning them a permanent place in my mind bc of how fleeting dating is these days. Curious to know how people define stability in their relationships. I wish for stability more than anything tbh.

  3. About a month into dating a woman that I matched with at a 25-40 speed dating event. It is surprising how well we are clicking and matching energy. It also helps that we are both down bad for each other, but also not letting those emotions get us carried away. Dating intentionally so we are not sleeping or dating anyone else and seeing where this goes.

    There’s an age gap between us (13 years) and we have talked through it extensively and are both comfortable with it. So much in common but also really in tune and comfortable with each other despite only dating for a month. Taking things slow and have not made things official yet, but I can see it happen soon as we get more and more immersed in each other’s lives. We talk every day.

  4. Went on a a date earlier this week that I’d fully consider really good (lots in common, great flowing conversation, a kiss at the end, bla bla bla), and although I got a “it was lovely to meet you” text back later that night, it’s been silence for the last few days after sending another text a day or so later. Not calling it a loss just yet (she seemed like the busy easily frazzled type), but man, the exhaustion of even the capital-G good dates that I have every so often often fizzling out even faster than the just okay ones has really started to exhaust me. My brain is almost like, “if that wasn’t a good date that ends up in a second, then I don’t know what a good date even is.”

    Probably all just hitting me even harder because it seems like all my friends are starting to marry and have kids at an exponential rate. Meanwhile I just feel like I’ve been running into a wall for the last ten years. I’m a social extrovert with lots of friends, and I think most people would be surprised to learn that I haven’t gone on more than a few dates with any one person since my early 20s. I’ve even legitimately become friends with some past first dates, so I know I’m not just doing something totally off putting. Yet still, just feels like I’m never able to make it past a few dates and, by all the advice I’ve been given or feedback I’ve gotten, it doesn’t seem like I’m doing anything particularly “wrong.” I’m working on myself, obviously (as everybody should be), but sometimes it honestly just feels like tremendously rotten luck. And that’s almost the hardest part! I wish there was something weird tic I had that was the key to all of it, but it all just feels so random and helpless sometimes.

  5. So, is anyone else having bad luck with apps? I talked about it before, and in the past few weeks, I’ve gotten two matches. One led to a date, which she messaged afterward and was honest and said she didn’t feel the connection she was looking for, which, awesome, I’m not upset about that. At least she didn’t ghost me. I dig the honesty, said no worries, and wished her luck.

    The next one never led to a date. It was just conversation, which happened over a couple days, and I’m not… great at it, but I felt like it was going alright. Then just… silence. Nothing. I asked about something she liked and never heard back.

    I’m trying to not let it eat at me, but getting no matches for long periods of time makes you feel… unattractive. Then getting one, only for it to promptly end mid-convo, makes you feel boring.

  6. I’m 39 and I’ve been on the fence about kids. I’ve been favoring child free profiles for dating or people who don’t seem to feel strongly about it, but it really limits the dating pool. Maybe I need to be more open to the idea.

  7. Is the range of people who lean more to utilizing dating as means to really get to know people and pursuing long term commitments small?

    When I attempted to peek into the dating scenario recently, it looked like a pool of people who are mostly bored and in it for a quick dopamine hit.

  8. Going through my late partners things (again) apparently I thought I would need all 200 of his shirts for later. Makes me physically ill. Crying over his boxer briefs

    Why am I dating again? I don’t want to ever have to do this again! Maybe I’ll die first this next time.

  10. I’ve been dating for a couple months now, met some people. I have two connections that are, going somewhat well right now.

    One girl we have a lot of chemistry, but it doesn’t feel right, on paper we align in values, lifestyle, etc. But when i’m around her I don’t feel fully myself. I feel guarded for some reason. I think part of that is because on our second date I got some mixed signals, so I don’t feel chosen by her yet. But we are close-ish in age, similar financial/career status, live in the same neighborhood, etc. I do admire, respect, and am attracted to her. I want to talk to her better, because some of that feeling could be miscommunication, or just general early dating issues. I had a date with her recently where I was not at my best, and she didn’t run away despite seeing me in a not great state so that is a good sign.

    The other girl, she just spent the night at my place last night (nothing intimate happened even), but we just watched movies and cuddled on the couch, and I realized. I just feel “safe” around her? Like I can be myself, it feels warm and cozy. I just enjoy being around her. Which makes me want to lean in that direction, but we are in very different spots in life, there is an age gap, i’m 31 and she is 24. Which is close to what I would say is too big of a gap. She is figuring out her career, life, lives at home, etc. Whereas I am stable in my career, etc. I matched with her originally because we have the same hobbies, and I figured what the hell. But every date has felt natural with her.

    Niether is fully developed to a point we need to talk about exclusivity, but if these connections progress I might find myself in that situation soon.

  11. I had posted a week ago that I had mustered up the courage to ask someone moving away for a coffee and they hadn’t replied for days. I sent farewell message after the silence and they ended up replying to that to say they were busy with moving and they’ll see if they can find the time to meet up. To be honest, I’m elated they replied but I wonder if I’ll even get to see them before they go if they’re too busy to even reply.

    I’m trying to make peace with the fact that this won’t go anywhere because I know they don’t like me back. A part of me just wants a friend out of all of this, but I fear after they move away there will be no chance of that either.

  12. Been dating my girlfriend for 3+ months (friends for about a year before that). She’s from a different cultural/national background than me, which makes things more interesting but also means I want to be a bit more thoughtful.

    Her birthday’s coming up in 2 weeks. We’ve already planned a 2-night staycation and I’ll have the hotel arrange the usual birthday setup (cake/decor etc.), so that part is covered.

    Looking for additional ideas that feel personal and meaningful. Any creative suggestions that have worked for you?

    Personality wise, she’s quite active and outdoorsy, bubbly, fun and has a pretty easygoing vibe to her. So I also want to add in a bit of fun and pranks as part of the whole plan, while also largely making it thoughtful overall.

    Also, please feel free to throw in some cool and/or funny gift ideas as well.

  13. He can be such a grump, but he can also be really funny. And he has a beautiful, well-behaved dog….

  14. This thread is so scary and depressing. Finally had an amazing first hinge date last week. Talking and connecting for 5 hours, it just felt so natural I can’t even describe. Second date tomorrow.

    From everything I’ve read on this sub it’s all going to come crashing down despite everything on the day and since then being green flag after green flag.

    For the love of god let this buck this subs endlessly depressing trend.

  15. My landlord is very much attracted to me. I’m very much attracted to him. He’s 12 years older but looks much younger. We spoke for 3 hours the other day when he came over.
    Wtf it’s so wrong.
    What am I supposed to do ?

  16. Advice needed, thank you all in advance: if you’re, let’s say 7 or 8 years older than a guy, and you have a flirty friendship (talking about 20s and 30s here), would you rather, generally speaking, him or you taking the first step?

  18. Did he breadcrumb me, or did I act weird?

    I (F35) was seeing a single dad (M40) since February. It was my first time dating a single parent. Everything seemed cool at first, with texting every day, and lots of affirmation and affection for about two months. Then he cancelled some plans over Easter, was super tired, which I understood. He has: a full time job, two young kids, a band with a record label…He had a mini tour and a single release, and his kid had an allergic reaction and it scared him. So I got fewer and fewer texts for 3 weeks. He would say he would call, but never did.

    I tried to be understanding, and offered to help with housework or getting takeeout if it didn’t feel too invasive for him. Then finally, nothing for 10 days. I couldn’t take the waiting anymore, so I broke it off via text, saying something like “I feel really stupid for not getting the subtext for a month. I guess you didn’t actually want to talk about this or meet again.” No response yet :/

    I know he cared about me, but I just don’t feel like he wanted to continue a relationship. That was my intuition. I feel like the text was kind of indulgent. Maybe I’ll feel worse about sending the text. But the last month was so isolating, and I just couldn’t take the uncertainty anymore. I feel super naive about it all; dating in 30s, dating a parent, dating someone at the peak of their career. It just feels like it’s a puzzle I can’t solve.

  19. Looking for Advice!!

    Hello! Not sure if this is the right place but wanted to get yals opinion.

    **The Context**: There is a girl in my (33M) life, let’s call her Emily (33F). I would make a list of all the reasons she is simply an incredible person/human, so smart, so beautiful, so funny, etc. Someone you want to be around because they make you want to be a better person.. but I don’t want this post to get too long.

    We have known each other since 2017, when I started at the company where she had been working. She was my boss for a few months until I got promoted and then we lead that same team together for a little while, through 2018. We had separate career paths so eventually things changed, but we stayed at the same company, just not working directly together. Through-out that time we have always been good friends. There have even been times where I thought she felt the same way I do. And some office rumors to back that up, although, I don’t read into those sort of things. But as friends we were never got to the point where we would regularly hang out together, as we had completely different friend groups and hobbies.

    I’ve always had a crush on her, like since day one, but I also have never wanted to cross any boundaries with professional and personal so I just let it be, regardless to how I felt. I also will fully admit, I have not prioritized dating at all since 2017.

    Fast forward to 2022, when things changed on the professional side when our company was acquired by a larger one. We both kept our jobs but were transferred to completely different teams. We would stay in touch but definitely not to the level we had been back at the original company. Emily, eventually left to go back to work with the ownership group of our original company in 2023-2024.

    I stayed at the big company for a couple years until the same original ownership group from the first company called me up and offered me a new job! I said yes only to find out that I would now be sharing an office with Emily again! Although, they have the same ownership group we do not work at the same company.

    Now that our life orbits have come back together, and the professional concerns are not a thing, I’m finding myself thinking about her more and more. But here I am, a 33 year old man, nervous like a high schooler, and conflicted on how I should address this with her. I am not really worried about ruining the friendship/relationship as we are both really chill people.

    I recently asked her out for dinner but did not do a good job of setting my intentions and was definitely taken as “work happy hour vibe” instead of “this guy is interested in me” but that’s on me.

    **The Question**: how do yal think I should approach this?

    1. Do I let her know that I’m interested via text rather than in person. Simply, to not put her on the spot.
    2. I want to ask her to go to dinner again. But want to let her know how I feel before the dinner. (This is where I’m leaning)
    3. Wait until we have a moment together where I ask her to dinner but also let her know how I’m feeling.
    4. Do nothing, that ship sailed years ago, buddy.

    Thoughts?

    TLDR: been friends with / have worked with a girl for nearly ten years but have recently been reconnected after a few years of not talking much and am nervous about my approach on how to communicate my feelings.

  20. Had my first therapy session today since getting dumped on Monday. I had thought I was starting to process things, but it was really really hard to talk about. I broke down in tears. This has really effected me way more than I ever could have expected. I miss her so much and staring down this weekend with no plans or anything to be excited about is so painful. I felt so fulfilled and optimistic the last few months, and now everything feels so cold and joyless.

  21. Where are the people that like to actually chat and get to know someone on the apps?! For me it’s been non-stop stream of basic chats for months. It’s like guys are entertaining the idea of finding someone but not actually actively participating.

  22. I hate it when this happens:

    *Scrolling through a profile* oh he seems nice, little nerdy, oh look similar interests. Okay sweet.

    Prompt: I’ll brag to you about my friends if: you have a big ass.

    Alright- well we’re done here. Bye, cute nerd. Bye.

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