This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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It’s my 10 yr+ ex’s birthday today. Hard to ignore.
Stings a lot to have someone you’re interested in finally make a move and then immediately tell you that it was a mistake. Plus I got stood up a few days before.
Feeling very dumb right now.
I don’t know why so many guys think this is all so easy for women. It’s not.
drove an hour for a date….she ended up getting really drunk, acting odd then kissing someone else, at which point i just left. It was only second date and never going to be anything serious….now she asking if we could meet up for some fun….would you give them a second chance?
Just a vent.
I got back on old and have been on three dates. I’m childfree and independent looking for guys who share those values. So, I screen out guys who still live at home, guys who live with exes, guys who are parents/are supporting their exes, and trust fund babies. I come from a low SES and have become comfortably lowish middle class. I want someone who’s where I’m at.
One guy (still) lives with his parents (has never moved out) at 44. I asked before the date but he said that “living alone means that I don’t live with a partner”. Okay. Bye.
The second was a Dadfish. Again, I asked. But because he has the kids 50/50 and “didn’t have the kids this week” he thought he “was technically being honest”. Okay, bye.
The third still lives with his ex and her two kids. Again, I asked. He said that they broke up three months ago and “just because we share a bed doesn’t mean we share a life”. “She’s moving out, but she’s picky about finding a place so I don’t know when she’s leaving yet”. Okay, bye.
It’s just part of the process, but I need to park some feelings so I don’t make a bitter profile edit. I guess I’m filtering out people who can’t communicate and/or are manipulative so that’s a big bonus. Sigh.
I just don’t know how I can want something so badly but also be completely hopeless that it’ll happen. I have been on a break from the apps for a month now and don’t really have a desire/energy to try them again, never meet people irl, and just still sad about my situationship (which ended in late jan I need to build a bridge and get over it).
Anyone have tips for not getting stuck in such a bad attitude? I do allll the ‘right’ things, journal, therapy, workout, hobbies, time with family and friends. My life is so full but yet I still can’t help but be sad I don’t have a partner and likely won’t for a very very long time. Just seems extremely unlikely I’ll ever find someone, ik I’ll continue to be fine on my own but it just makes me sad it doesn’t seem in the cards for me.
Instagram thought it’d be great to recommend the guy my ex replaced me with as someone I may know, so that’s great.
I got a date this weekend by quoting Wonderwall lyrics though, so we take the goods with the bads.
Matched with a guy on hinge and I thought we were having a good convo, seemed to be interested in actually getting to know me. Dude is pushing 40, profile mentions wanting a relationship/marriage. He asks me what I’m looking for, which for me it’s a serious relationship. Today he’s gone from my matches lol what is even the point of this shit
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I’m getting frustrated with dating again. It feels like everything is a waste of my time. I went on some dates last week and just didn’t feel a connection, and my apps are blowing up, but I am pretty disinterested. A few examples of recent tribulations:
I went to a speed dating event and added one of the people on social media, but ended up telling him I felt it was a friend connection and not romantic. Now he keeps replying to every single thing I put on my story and it’s overwhelming me.
Last week, I matched with someone on Bumble. We talked a little for a few days, then he called me on the app while I was asleep. In the morning I said I’d been asleep but that maybe we could schedule a call another time. The next night, my friend and I were out celebrating my birthday (I didn’t tell him that because we were sending ~2 messages a day and I would feel weird sharing that), and he tried calling again. I said I was out and couldn’t answer right now. He got mad (huge red flag) and said I should have just picked up and said I was busy. I told him that behavior told me we weren’t a match and unmatched him, only for him to find me on IG and try to add me…
Then yesterday I replied to some messages on Hinge. I’ve matched with a few people there and pause my profile to focus on a couple of conversations. I unmatched one person because they commented on my body (I have a hard rule to shut that down if it happens early on) and another for asking invasive questions about my race. The other two are just not piquing my interest at all.
I was seeing someone for a few months before he cut it off a few weeks back because he felt something wasn’t right. I really liked him, so I was very disappointed that he ended things. I left him alone like I was supposed to. Now he’s texting me about complete nonsense while dodging any talk about our time together.
Maybe I should just take a break, but my clock is ticking and I don’t want to waste my thirties. I’m getting more attention from men than ever before, but they keep putting me off before I can connect.
What are everyone’s timeline for the following dating stages: dates 1 through 5, exclusively dating but not in a relationship, define the relationship conversation, officially together in a serious and monogamous relationship.
Additionally, where would you put meeting friends, family, and your kids in the timeline?
I had recently made a comment about an avoidant man who gave me vitamins while I was crying because he couldn’t say anything comforting…he had sent a long apology text a few days later and I just responded that I appreciated the apology. Ran into him outside today walking with a woman, just nodded, and an hour later, he texted me to ask how a recent trip was and to clarify that the woman was just a friend. Previously I would have seen this all as some grand tortured romance and now it just seems boring and predictable.
Last two girls I went on dates with gave me the “I had a fun time! Let’s get together again next week”
Then heard nothing. That was my last straw with online dating. I deleted my Hinge app with hundreds of other likes in my stack because I’m too drained at this point to go through the process of messaging a handful of girls, bantering for a few days, seeing which one wants to go on a date, only for that to go nowhere.
To distract from the pain of yesterday’s rejection, I have randomly signed up for a speed dating event tonight. I’ve never done one before, and have literally no expectations other than getting out of the house and out of my head.
Anyone have experience with these kinds of things? It’s a Shuffle Dating event.
I think I overstepped my boundary and am mentally preparing to be dumped… I haven’t seen my girlfriend in person for a few weeks now as she had been incredibly busy with getting ready for presentations at an academic conference this week and finishing up her penultimate year of PhD program. I found out (through conference schedule) she presented yesterday and have another presentation tomorrow so I thought it would be supportive of me to send a text of encouragement for yesterday and a good luck for tomorrow since she doesn’t have a presentation today. I only thought how bad this was of me to independently look up this information only after sending her the text and promptly edited the message with an apology. I hate my impulsive nature and the need to know things. If this does end, at least I know I’ll have to work on being able to suppress these behavioral tendencies now ;(
I’m genuinely confused about my ‘relationship’ and would like people’s opinion on it.
I started seeing someone (first time I’ve dated online/with strangers) and he was really intense/charming for a month right after our first date (lots of texts, video calls as we weren’t in the same city that month, being quite foreward in not wanting to date other people etc). We had sex and, let’s just say, it went not as planned. After that he was quiet and more distant for the second month. It turned in a sort of “situationship” where I was quite hung up on him while I’m assuming he was seeing other women. But I got fed up and distanced myself. Last week he came back and said he wanted to only see me. Now he is back to how he was during the first month, chatty and charming.
The problem is I’m not sure how to take it or to move on. During the second month I was truly hurt about the change of attitude, even though he didn’t make any promises and we didn’t say we were dating seriously or exclusively. I felt really naive and stupid for falling for him and then being sort of discarded so easily. He’s still charming and quite lovely but part of me can’t help but think “it’s just lies, just wait”
This guy listed his ig on his dating profile, I decided to send a dm on ig telling him I like his fashion sense. He said noone had ever complimented his fashion sense before. The convo went nowhere but I did something out of my comfort zone lol.
Guys if you listed your ig on your dating profile, would you appreciate a random dm from a woman sending you a compliment?
Dating life so dry I’m submitting an app for a part time evening/weekend job at a float/sauna studio just for fun- maybe this is where I find my sugar momma!
Trying to gather the courage to give restaurant guy my number. He could be 10 years younger than me. I have no idea.
Ive been the one to end every first date recently. After an hour or so, I feel like I’ve gotten a chemistry read and am not feeling the chemistry, or not attracted, or bored. I’d like to know, are there other preemptive enders out there, where this is part of your patterning? I’m honestly not sure how healthy it is. Keeping first dates with otherwise strangers short is a preference of mine, wondering if interrupting that might be a good thing.
Update: got a nice rejection, so looks like those feelings were on point
I was getting to know a guy [35M] for two months and there were no red flags other than he works away at sea, so I would be seeing him every three months (3 months on 3 months off). Maybe that was the red flag, but to me it wasn’t a big deal due to how we communicated and from his character he seemed like a decent person.
We talked about a lot of things, and I’m always cautious about developing emotional intimacy before having a first date. However, it was quite natural and easy with him, i was starting to finally think that I met someone. I should stop deluding myself with that haha.
Out of nowhere today mid conversation about working out at the gym the conversation progresses to him telling me that he doesn’t think it’ll work out because he’s always away and he doesnt think he wants a relationship anymore, he’s not willing to compromise, he thinks he maybe does not know what he wants and that we want different things. This was with me being okay with him being away for the three months because I actually like my space and that was a compromise I was willing to take as long as we communicate (as we were) and that in the future, he was willing to meet me in the middle and look for a position that allows him to be away for a shorter period of time.
Clearly my radar is completely off because I did not see it coming. Does love bombing last that long for somebody to switch mid conversation, even without ever getting any sexual favors from the other party? 😂 I’m so tired of dating. Where can I collect my cat?
I deleted the dating apps yesterday along with the profiles on them. Right now I think I’m fully stepping away from online dating, but not that I’m lacking matches, but everything that’s come from it over the years has led to nothing and even the most recent matches all fizzled out. I also deleted Instagram and that might be it for that one too.
It feels pretty freeing. And perhaps one day I can meet someone naturally where it doesn’t feel forced. I’m not necessarily closing the door on dating, but ive again fully turned my focus back onto myself. So. Yeah that’s where I’m at.
The plan was to dive back into dating in a big way this month, I wish life didn’t take that a cue to throw as many curveballs as possible at me all at once to make that really difficult. Maybe next month I guess.
I was talking to this girl for a few days that I liked, it was flowing well but then she stopped talking to me and I am genuinely disappointed. I honestly dont care for dating anyways so probably not going to for a while now
I went on 2 dates when I was in the UK with a man who I was like ‘wow, I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time’
However, the last date ended up being a disaster to what I can only understand he was upset with me because I didn’t give him a blow job??
Back to the drawing board I guess.
Yea – ramifications of dating while abroad – I know. I was a tiny bit whimsy and hopeful. Sue me. :/
We’re coworkers. Recently I started to notice increasing eye contact, smiles and excuses to establish a conversation. So one day I gather my courage and ask if she wanted to go for a coffee. It was a bit of a nervous exchange but she says yes, so I leave her my number to leave her in control, saying that it’s okay either way (I think if she doesn’t want, she won’t text). I even gave the wrong number initially and she joked about going with the wrong guy, so I think she wouldn’t joke if she had no intention to do it.
A week goes by, and she doesn’t text, but behaves exactly the same as usual at work. She also tells me she hasn’t forgotten about the offer, and I say of course it’s still valid. Again I think she wouldn’t mention it if she doesn’t want to.
One more week goes by (still as friendly as usual) and she texts me, exactly two weeks after having my number. Sends me pictures of a work trip, of food. It’s just a very short exchange, but I thought it was alright. I think again that yes, it’s two full weeks but that she must be a little interested if she did that. From just before the text, we won’t see each other at work for a few weeks (still the case right now).
On the second day of texting she starts to be extremely slow in her replies. Like over a day. I ask her about plans for the weekend and she says she’s got a trip. So I say maybe when she’s back we can actually plan to go for that coffee. She replies 2 days later with a coffee emoji and “ahah sure”. At this point I’m conflicted if I should step back a little, and try to match her timings, to avoid being oppressive and desperate. So I text after she’s back, 4 days later, asking about the trip. Again, she takes almost a day to reply with a few warmish texts.
At this point, I don’t know if I should just be polite and stop pursuing. It is all quite conflicting in my opinion. I know I haven’t actually planned a date, but it feels off when she took two weeks to write and days to reply. At the same time, she had multiple chances to avoid all this, and she didn’t. I have technically asked twice now, and I feel that by asking again I wouldn’t be protecting my dignity and workplace etiquette. I took all this as a soft no, at this point.
Am I wrong to think this doesn’t sound like interest at all, and that she maybe just liked the attention but not the reality of it?
Gratitude thread. Drop something you’re grateful for, no matter how big or small this week. I’ll start:
I’m grateful for how much I’ve been showing up to the gym! Joined a new fitness studio and have been consistently doing Body Pump and Barre classes for 3 weeks now
Also grateful for my partner! We just hit five months together today
Made a quick trip to Walmart to grab a few groceries before heading home. Two very good looking women in long, modest dresses were stopping people in the parking lot trying to recruit them to their to church. When it was my turn, they both looked me up and down…and then walked away. Just in case anyone was wondering how dating in your 30’s is going
Is Bumble worth downloading? I currently have Tinder and Hinge. I’ve been on Tinder too long I think, I basically don’t get likes anymore and when I do it’s like the same 5 profiles I keep swiping left on. Not sure what’s going on. I’ve had way more success on Hinge but likes/matches seem to be dwindling there now too.
I’ve been on two dates with a guy I met on Hinge. Both went really well, and we’ve got a third planned. But my gut keeps telling me things are moving too fast.
I’ve always felt like the best relationships start as friendships. Like with a coworker or someone from a hobby/sport where things build naturally over time. You get to know each other first, there’s banter, comfort, all of that.
Ideally, that’s what I want here. It feels like that would work best for me. I’ve even said on both dates that I’d like to go slow and build a foundation first.
The problem is, I don’t really know what “going slow” even looks like with online dating.
It’s still dating. There’s an inherent expectation that this is moving toward something. It’s not like organically seeing someone over time and letting it develop in the background.
So my concern is that I’ll keep saying “let’s go slow” and trying to pump the brakes… but it’s still going to *feel* like dating. And at a certain point, it just turns into me dragging someone along without real clarity into basically a situationship.
Has anyone figured out how to actually go slow with OLD without it becoming confusing or unfair to the other person?
I got a “hey you ran across my mind, btw this is ___. ” text from an unknown number today. Felt curious and almost thought it was spam. Turns out it was a bumble match I never even met up with from *2022.* I think 4 years later is a block spinning record for me.
My recently married sister just discovered that her husband has met and sexted his ex-FWB while my sister and him were dating exclusively. She’s a champ and is handling this so much more peacefully and gracefully than I ever could. That’s one more data point in my book and why I haven’t been able to trust men. How do you not feel disillusioned with experiences like this, how do you still trust people you date?
I think I need to break up with my boyfriend, and that sucks. He’s sweet and very good to me. But we come from very different backgrounds, and we have different priorities that I think ultimately just aren’t compatible, and aren’t adjustable over time without one of us radically altering our lifestyle. He wants to be married (again), and he’s worried about “wasting” time in a relationship that won’t lead to that, because he’s 42 (his reasoning, not mine). I don’t need to be married to feel content in a relationship or that it is “successful”; I don’t think I can see it with him, at least not for many years, and I know he doesn’t want to wait as long as I would need.
I’m traveling for work for another 12 days and definitely would want to do this in person. We have plans (but not reservations or money spent) for short trips next month and June. I’m fairly certain he’s in love with me as he said everything but/alluded to it before this trip. I have love for him, but don’t feel as strongly yet. We’ve been together for 6 months and I think I feel sadder that I have to let him down and at losing someone who cares about me than at the idea of not having him specifically in my life. Which makes me feel like a massive jerk. Ugh 🙁
I commented on someone else’s post the other day, asking what their community looks like, and suggested they needed more social time.
I think I’m waaaay overdue for some socializing myself and have been spending too much time with myself and my own thoughts. Also, while I generally enjoy this sub, reddit broadly speaking is not the place for shower thoughts and musings.
All of it just needs to go in a journal or be brought up in therapy
How do I not take ghosting personally? Been seeing this guy for about a month and we spent the weekend together, even hinted at future plans for this upcoming weekend. I have not heard from him since Sunday and stupidly sent a “have a good day” text this morning which is sitting delivered. This is my third time being ghosted since I joined the dating scene after a LTR and honestly it’s beginning to fuck up my mental health and self esteem so much
Second date arranged for the weekend, and she got in and asked me just before I asked her! So excited.