How to tell my bf sometimes I just want to makeout?
April 13, 2026
Everytime we kiss it ends up with me giving him a blowjob, most of the time I don’t mind and enjoy it. Other times I just want to keep kissing and touching. But I know I need to just say it, but is that considered blueballing him?
24 comments
It is always acceptable to just makeout if that’s your preference. You don’t owe anyone a blowjob just because you have been making out.
[deleted]
He already knows kissing doesnt mean oral has to happen, thats why hes not giving you oral every time he kisses you. Just tell him you want to makeout only.
There’s nothing wrong with this. Totally acceptable to do only what you are willing to do without feeling obligated to do something else.
My wife is like that sometimes. She’ll want to cuddle and make out, but she’s not down for anything else. There’s been a few times over the years when I wanted to say “That’s like waving a piece of bacon in front of a dog’s nose and not giving them the bacon. You know that look the dog gives you? The ‘You’re a monster’ look? Yeah, my dick is looking at you like that right now…” I’m not THAT stupid though, and I certainly don’t want to get elbowed in the sack, so I stick with self preservation and enjoy anything she’s willing to give. Then I rub one out in the bathroom after she either goes to sleep or is off doing something else. This is probably why I’m still married after 23 years.
No, it’s not blueballing him.
In fact, the book Mind the Gap (about F lower-drive in cis-het drive disparity relationships) talks about how the #1 thing that’s absolutely essential for long-term drive and sexual wantability is to have a relationship with “high sexual currency” (flirting, casual touch, making out for making out’s sake) and no feeling of obligation.
This is exactly the kind of conversation that creates that– “Hey, sometimes, I’d like to just make out without it needing to lead to sex. I think it would help us stay connected and keep things playful.”
Kissing is as much a form of emotional intimacy as sexual intimacy. You are not obligated to please him every time you want a kiss and that’s doubly true if he isn’t doing the same for you. Explain this clearly and if he doesn’t understand then find someone better.
Just tell him. I’m sure he can deal with it. He has a girl that gives him head constantly. He’d be a fool to not understand. I went through a phase where I wanted to stick it in my girls butt every sex session until she said “give it a rest freak!” I can still do it but not all the time, and I’m cool with it because i’m lucky enough to have a girl who does it and enjoys it…..occasionally
Why isn’t he doing oral for you? Making out doesn’t mean blowing him. Just tell him what you want. If he won’t listen or compromise he is disrespecting and manipulating you and it should be a relationship deal breaker.
I think the other comments have it covered. But I just want to add that ‘blueballing’ a guy isn’t a criminal offence. Young guys in particular are prone to getting aroused pretty easily (though my partner is in his 40s and just a hug still gets him going!) and they survive just fine every single time without receiving a blowjob.
You aren’t ever obligated to participate in anything sexual that you don’t want to and you are absolutely entitled to ask for a kiss and cuddle without more if that’s what you would like. I don’t think you can go far wrong with “hey, I know I usually give you a BJ when we make out, but sometimes I’d really just like a kiss and cuddle. Can we give that a go?”.
[deleted]
Dudes can actually get aroused, get hard and not get off, and be just fine. This is not some kind of medical issue, and honestly learning how to be horny but just express affection and tenderness is good for maturity. If it totally overwhelms him he can go take care of himself on his own later. Guys need to learn not to let their hard ons run their lives.
But more importantly, you don’t need to end up providing blow jobs when you just feel like making out. That needs to be established as being ok in the relationship ground rules, and since it doesn’t sound like he’s going to just pick up on it, you all should talk about it. Just don’t let him feed you any kind of nonsense about it being painful for him to stop at making out.
“So babe, sometimes I just want to make out”
I feel like a lot of women are so overly concerned with how their partner will “take it”. You communicate your needs, its up to them to decide how they take it. If they’re incapable of being mature about basic communication theyre incapable of a relationship.
As long as you tell him what to expect at the start. Both parties need to be informed to properly consent.
You can still make out with a bj. You can give him a hand job and continue kissing and touching.
Just tell him that you’re tired and don’t want this all about the BJ.
Guy here. Nope, nothing wrong with kissing and being affectionate without leading to sex. If you enjoy giving him a bj, then he would know and should be ok.
Easiest way of telling him is being direct, in that moment too. Never after the fact, that way he will remember you saying it at that time and maybe look to see what mood you’re in first before anything. Hope this helps!
be clear about your intentions when you start
No such thing as blue balls lol. It’s something guys use to get pity pussy. Just tell the guy and have your fight afterwards and get it done. 💜
“Hey can we just make out and touch this time?”
“I just want to make out.”
It is perfectly fine to make out with a guy and not give him a blow job. This is not giving a guy blue balls. It’s making out and is normal.
Try this out. You first, then him. How he reacts to that might even teach you something about who he is deep down inside
You have to find your voice and tell him what you’ve told us.
Blueballing? If he gets BlueBalls he can very well take care of that himself!
Just say “Babe I wanna make out with you, Kiss your tender lips, have a Sword fight with our tongues, feel each-other, caress each-other… while you Stroke that Bad boy of yours to a Messy Orgasm. I’ll tell you all my Wet kinky fantasies I have….”
24 comments
It is always acceptable to just makeout if that’s your preference. You don’t owe anyone a blowjob just because you have been making out.
[deleted]
He already knows kissing doesnt mean oral has to happen, thats why hes not giving you oral every time he kisses you. Just tell him you want to makeout only.
There’s nothing wrong with this. Totally acceptable to do only what you are willing to do without feeling obligated to do something else.
My wife is like that sometimes. She’ll want to cuddle and make out, but she’s not down for anything else. There’s been a few times over the years when I wanted to say “That’s like waving a piece of bacon in front of a dog’s nose and not giving them the bacon. You know that look the dog gives you? The ‘You’re a monster’ look? Yeah, my dick is looking at you like that right now…” I’m not THAT stupid though, and I certainly don’t want to get elbowed in the sack, so I stick with self preservation and enjoy anything she’s willing to give. Then I rub one out in the bathroom after she either goes to sleep or is off doing something else. This is probably why I’m still married after 23 years.
No, it’s not blueballing him.
In fact, the book Mind the Gap (about F lower-drive in cis-het drive disparity relationships) talks about how the #1 thing that’s absolutely essential for long-term drive and sexual wantability is to have a relationship with “high sexual currency” (flirting, casual touch, making out for making out’s sake) and no feeling of obligation.
This is exactly the kind of conversation that creates that– “Hey, sometimes, I’d like to just make out without it needing to lead to sex. I think it would help us stay connected and keep things playful.”
Kissing is as much a form of emotional intimacy as sexual intimacy. You are not obligated to please him every time you want a kiss and that’s doubly true if he isn’t doing the same for you. Explain this clearly and if he doesn’t understand then find someone better.
Just tell him. I’m sure he can deal with it. He has a girl that gives him head constantly. He’d be a fool to not understand. I went through a phase where I wanted to stick it in my girls butt every sex session until she said “give it a rest freak!” I can still do it but not all the time, and I’m cool with it because i’m lucky enough to have a girl who does it and enjoys it…..occasionally
Why isn’t he doing oral for you? Making out doesn’t mean blowing him. Just tell him what you want. If he won’t listen or compromise he is disrespecting and manipulating you and it should be a relationship deal breaker.
I think the other comments have it covered. But I just want to add that ‘blueballing’ a guy isn’t a criminal offence. Young guys in particular are prone to getting aroused pretty easily (though my partner is in his 40s and just a hug still gets him going!) and they survive just fine every single time without receiving a blowjob.
You aren’t ever obligated to participate in anything sexual that you don’t want to and you are absolutely entitled to ask for a kiss and cuddle without more if that’s what you would like. I don’t think you can go far wrong with “hey, I know I usually give you a BJ when we make out, but sometimes I’d really just like a kiss and cuddle. Can we give that a go?”.
[deleted]
Dudes can actually get aroused, get hard and not get off, and be just fine. This is not some kind of medical issue, and honestly learning how to be horny but just express affection and tenderness is good for maturity. If it totally overwhelms him he can go take care of himself on his own later. Guys need to learn not to let their hard ons run their lives.
But more importantly, you don’t need to end up providing blow jobs when you just feel like making out. That needs to be established as being ok in the relationship ground rules, and since it doesn’t sound like he’s going to just pick up on it, you all should talk about it. Just don’t let him feed you any kind of nonsense about it being painful for him to stop at making out.
“So babe, sometimes I just want to make out”
I feel like a lot of women are so overly concerned with how their partner will “take it”. You communicate your needs, its up to them to decide how they take it. If they’re incapable of being mature about basic communication theyre incapable of a relationship.
As long as you tell him what to expect at the start. Both parties need to be informed to properly consent.
You can still make out with a bj. You can give him a hand job and continue kissing and touching.
Just tell him that you’re tired and don’t want this all about the BJ.
Guy here. Nope, nothing wrong with kissing and being affectionate without leading to sex. If you enjoy giving him a bj, then he would know and should be ok.
Easiest way of telling him is being direct, in that moment too. Never after the fact, that way he will remember you saying it at that time and maybe look to see what mood you’re in first before anything. Hope this helps!
be clear about your intentions when you start
No such thing as blue balls lol. It’s something guys use to get pity pussy. Just tell the guy and have your fight afterwards and get it done. 💜
“Hey can we just make out and touch this time?”
“I just want to make out.”
It is perfectly fine to make out with a guy and not give him a blow job. This is not giving a guy blue balls. It’s making out and is normal.
Try this out. You first, then him. How he reacts to that might even teach you something about who he is deep down inside
You have to find your voice and tell him what you’ve told us.
Blueballing? If he gets BlueBalls he can very well take care of that himself!
Just say “Babe I wanna make out with you, Kiss your tender lips, have a Sword fight with our tongues, feel each-other, caress each-other… while you Stroke that Bad boy of yours to a Messy Orgasm. I’ll tell you all my Wet kinky fantasies I have….”