This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I have four first dates scheduled this week. I’m already tired of socializing this much!!! But wish me luck
I’m getting really bogged down and feeling hopeless. Haven’t matched with anyone in over a year, the men on the dating apps cannot seem to hold a conversation. Therapist recommended joining classes to meet people organically but they are expensive. Might have to give something like that a shot though.
I’m very surprised at how upset I am over a short term thing ending. Just shy of 5 months, but with our schedules we barely saw each other the last 2 months or so. I knew he wasn’t that into me, but I kept thinking more time would help. He ended things yesterday and I’m not reaching out (I want to, but I’m old enough to know better), but damn I feel bad about it. There were plenty of things that didn’t work for me, but for some reason it’s hitting harder than some breakups of relationships that were twice as long. Thankfully I have therapy on Tuesday, but damn, I thought it would be easier.
Recent win: not being pregnant this month! As much as I miss the guy who would’ve been responsible, we’re not meant to be, and I’m still working on accepting that. Thinking about him less and even enjoyed a date with someone else on Friday.
Should i use this line in my bio? Up- or downvote plz:
“I need someone who slaps me when i get the idea to participate in a Triathlon.”
Just set up a first date this week with someone who already has kid(s). I’ve always been open to that, but I’ve never gone on more than a date or two with a parent so I’ve never had to actually work out the logistics. I’m trying to decide what to ask on a first date vs just leave for later.
Its funny(ironic) the things that will catch you off guard some days.
By all accounts and qualifiers im over this ex and wouldnt start a relationship with them again. I could go on and on the reasons for that, but ultimately they dont really matter for the context. Just realizing also it’ll be a decade since the breakup in 2 years for a relationship that lasted about 10 years too which is actually a little funny to me for some reason.
But moving on, saw a picture of them from today wearing the necklace I gave them…. what? 15-17 years ago maybe a year into us dating? And oof. A little bit reopening an old scar, a bit of wondering about eternal sunshine on the spotless mind and if id still be me without those memories. The things we’d planned back then, that I accidentally did like moving to the city. It was a lot of feelings but I also guess I needed that cry too.
And also trying to use humor on myself to distract from it by telling myself ” at least I made sure to do my taxes today before the deadline ”
What a fucking Sunday it is. Lol.
I’m going out with a woman thats significantly older than me. Not a problematic age gap or anything. I’m in my early thirties and she’s in het late forties. Any advice for me does and don’ts? I was thinking of threating her like women my age
-get dating app match
-send message
-instant unmatch
Aaaaand STAY out!
Looking for a man slightly more interested in me than my avoidant, but slightly less obsessed with me than my goldendoodle.
If anyone here meets that criteria, hmu.
After like 10 days of constant banter back and forth, we hung out one time, and she confessed a few days later that she still felt too heartbroken to be pursued, putting herself back out there didn’t feel good. I said I get it, it’s hard. She said right at the start she’d been through one hell of a rough patch, so I was prepared. I thanked her for not going ghost, and said who knows what happens if she gets a different notion before I wander off into anything. Because the first thing we talked about at all was X-Men shit, like the fourth or fifth question I asked her was “Also, is this the part where this turns into a Rogue & Gambit type deal with where yr like “I just need some time to figure things out” and I’m just here yearning. And stealing shit.” Which was a bit, of course, but I think I’m accidentally doing it?
It’s been a few weeks since then, and remember we didn’t know each other existed before February, but somehow I just can’t stop thinking about her. We ran into each other three days after calling it a “not now, if maybe ever,” and she was very warm and buggy, but that’s all that ever happened physically. We haven’t talked at all since then, because I don’t want to seem like I’m chasing someone who requested the opposite, but she’s still peeping all my insta stories and such. But I did send her the deets for the free market today that she’d expressed interest in, read but no response. 50/50 shot we’re gonna once again end up at the same place in about a month.
Chat, am I just repeating my old pattern of finding something to hurt myself with? Everything else in my life is on a major upswing for the first time in ages. Am I playing sabotage, or am I okay to keep thinking about someone I had everything in common with? I even muted her posts on social so I would have to go looking to see her, but the mind goes where it goes
Jesus my first foray back into dating and liking someone new has been annoying. Following up on this https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1sild9c/comment/oflff9n/?context=3
Was supposed to meet her this morning, and she texted at 11 last night saying she’s dealing with some bad news from her family and wouldn’t be in the right headspace to go on a date, but in the same text asked if I was free Thursday. I replied pretty quickly to just say I’m sorry to hear that, hope everything is fine, and to let me know when she’s free Thursday as I should be able to make that work. And no response now the following afternoon.
I know I need to just put it behind me if she doesn’t confirm a time soon but maybe I shouldn’t have even said yes to that. I just don’t want to assume someone is lying if they are offering another date but maybe I’m being naive
I randomly got a text last Monday from a former friend I haven’t seen in almost 18 years (he abruptly moved cities when we were 16 and cut all ties with our friend group). He told me he was in town and wanted to meet up. Was VERY insistent, even asking me on Tuesday when I finished work, so we could “hang out”. But I was meeting a friend for coffee that evening, so I said we could try another day, and we could invite one of our common friends, too (since she probably also would’ve liked to see him). And since then, he’s been radio silent.
I went out with my friend on Friday and told this guy that we would be at a local bar, sent him the location, and told him he was very much invited to meet us. Nothing at all.
He just wanted a hook up, right? And realized that it wasn’t happening, so he backed down. It was so jarring.
A big reason I would never hook up with him is that his older brother assaulted me at a party, but I don’t think he knows about it. It would’ve been even more weird of him to want to meet up.
I keep getting guys from internet dating turn up with disgustingly long fingernails, poor looking dental hygiene or scruffily clothed. Is there ANY way to weed these people out before meeting or is it just a case of having to meet them to find these things out?
(35M)
Separated at the end of ’22, divorce finalized at the end of ’24. Haven’t been on a date since spring ’23, only have sex when I’m on trips.
Saw this girl a few times at friend’s larger friend group hangouts. She had tomboy energy and I really like that. Messaged her on the side a few times, then asked yesterday what she was up to. She was going to this EDM show, but it was going to be late and she will be alone. I showed up, she was genuinely surprised I actually did, and seemed happy/nervous.
We get to the coat check. She takes her jacket off and I notice she is jacked… like I have been working out for 2 years and am a slim, lean guy in a great shape, but her shoulders are broader than mine and clearly she’s been working out for many, many years. Oh, and she apparently came here (Canada) from Australia less than a year ago, and she has a Polynesian style tattoo on one of her shoulders. Wow.
We enjoy the show, I initiated a lot of safe (arm and over-the-shoulder) physical contact like hugging her broad shoulders from behind and putting my cheek against her neck, and she showed no sign of hesitation or pulling back. I am very good looking, so that helps. At one point I asked her how I look, she was like what do you mean? I smiled and said some compliment would be nice, she laughed and said I was very cute.
After the show, she started talking about a friend group hangout that may happen next week. I am like but, I have two tickets to this event (a cocktail night at art gallery). It’s a secret what it is, but’s on this date and I would love you to join me. She put it in her calendar immediately. Her uber came and we have an extended hug. So yeah. I think It’s going well.
I’ve gotten so many comments about how cute/pretty I am from women in all parts of my life since my ex broke up with me. Most of them have no idea the heartbreak I’ve gone through once again. I think I have been paying more attention to my appearance but also maybe part of it is that I don’t feel bogged down by a relationship that I know wasn’t lifting me up anymore. Not going to lie but all this extra loving has made it so much easier to not get back on the apps. I am however starting to miss the part of me that romanticizes relationships and longs to love someone. Will that desire come back or is 40 the year that love dies?
Does anyone else look back at people they’ve rejected and wonder if you were too quick to judge?
A random Reddit thread reminded me of someone I dated briefly a couple years back. Around the third time we hung out, she told me she was part of a nudist community and that it was a big part of her life. Interestingly, she played competitive volleyball for her colony and traveled internationally to compete in the nude against others. Apparently that is a thing. But I knew it wasn’t something I could see myself being part of, and we fizzled out. My judgment definitely played a role.
Looking back, I wonder if I should’ve sat with it longer, maybe I could’ve learned something or at least expanded my perspective. Obviously there are real dealbreakers, but I sometimes feel like I’ve spent my adult life acting like Jerry Seinfeld and finding petty reasons to walk away. Trying to be a little more open-minded going forward.
I recently found out that I am autistic, which explains *so* much when it comes to my social relationships in general. Pretty much everyone that I already know has been told. I am pretty independent and my condition mostly manifests in a few behavioural quirks. But say I meet someone new tomorrow and we hit it off — when do I tell them about my autism? To my mind, telling them too soon may frighten them off; too late, and it would feel dishonest.
Gf of 7 months (we’re both early 30’s)is always busy with her mum and it’s starting to impact on me. I don’t want to compete but it feels like I alway am. She’s literally there all the time. Her mum lives 2 hours away and is retired. I don’t think her mum and dad get on very well atm so it seems they’re always at my gf house keeping occupied. She has never suggested I meet her parents yet either which again plays on me a bit.
This weekend she’s been busy with work and we were meant to do something Saturday. She text me in the morn asking if i want to do something Sunday instead. Turns out she made time to go to a football match with her mum. And then Sunday she’s been busy all day again with her mum/work and I get a last minute invite over at 8pm (which I turned down).
Anyone else dealt with clingy parents? Guessing it never ends well.
Just feels like I’m such low priority and I’m just coasting in whatever this relationship is. I hate wasting weekends.
A girl I’m seeing said she’s intrigued about my ideas for what we could get up next time we meet up. I replied earnestly about getting a nice lunch together.
Now I’ve re-read it and my hand is through my head from facepalming so hard.
I’ve been dating a guy and just saw on his instagram he follows instagram “dating coaches.” A lot of it is about building confidence or what attracts women , keeps women etc. not red flag incel vibes but something in me is triggered.
I don’t see many pics with friends on his post albeit he only has like 7-10 pictures and most of his followers don’t seem like people he knows?
I understand not everyone has a big friend group but my mind is going towards just trying to figure out what to think.
Dating about a month and we have been intimate. Late 30s.
[removed]
I was drawn into an ad for a singles event at a local bar/activity center & got a ticket! Pretty good deal for a night of mini golf, so why not? I then proceeded to remember that I am an Old & my particular artisanal blend of trauma & neuroses means I generally can’t date too much younger. I am not sure what the demographics are & the only guideline I can find on the event page is 21+.
But damn if I’m going to let that stop me. I’m still gonna go & if I end up schooling a bunch of single Youths in mini golf, then that is what I shall do! 😂
(Edited and recommended because a self-depracating joke triggered the automod, fair enough).
Being a strong independent single lady who doesn’t need anything from anyone finally backfired on me today. Took my new paddle board out to the water today to enjoy this amazing weather, had a fantastic time.
Found out as soon as I got in the shower that I didn’t get my back very well with sunscreen, so I’ve got this red angel wing burn going on, lmao. I can do everything on my own…except reach my own back, evidently. By talos this can’t be happening.
Thanks for the advice on how I can better evaluate my feelings for the guy I’m seeing. I think the issue was that I do want to see him, am curious about him, I can be myself, but he hasn’t been as physically and mentally available as I need. I’ve anxiety-vented here many times before… I’ve been struggling with not being a priority. I told him this a couple weeks ago. He said he’s been alone for so long he hadn’t considered how to fold another person into his life.
Our connection has been a slooooow burn over the last 5 months, but I can say it has always inched forward. I’m still invested because of his ability and desire to keep showing up for me in the ways he can. I’m loosening up, he’s loosening up. I’m going to try to stay focused on myself, though. Checking in every couple of weeks to see if this relationship is still adding to my life, and if not, giving myself permission to move on knowing I’ll be okay. If anything, this has been a big ol learning experience.
i was pretty content being single 3 months ago.
so why am i feeling so lonely/sad after a breakup from a literal 2 month relationship. i don’t even want him back…
i just don’t understand why i feel so shitty/sad
I posted on Saturday about a great first date I went on Friday night, and we scheduled another date for this Friday. Well, we were messaging today and I said Friday is far away, he agreed, and now we have a date on Tuesday as well 🙂 so I’m sitting in my couch with a big stupid smile on my face
Created a new Bumble profile (deleted it about a month ago because it was just not going well) 5 people in I saw the woman I dated for a few months last fall who (kindly and maturely) broke up with me and it hurt all over again. The perils of getting back on the apps…
I’m single after being in a long-term relationship (10+ years) and I won’t be dating for a while but I love reading here about the hell that awaits me when i’m ready.
Well, been seeing a woman for about twoish months.
Kind, steady, measured, calm. Crazy physical chemistry.
…and that’s been about it. I thought maybe she needed time to open up.
Did different activities and dates to try and get that. Only conversation I could ever get her to hold at length with me was about her ICU nursing job. Heck, all she had to say about Project Hail Mary was “that was good, that’s all the thoughts I have.”
Sucks that I need to shut this one down. The long term ingredients are there, but emotionally there’s really nothing.
Back in the pool I go.
Witnessing a colleague’s addiction to toxic relationship is truly eye opening. It’s a legit addiction. She logically knows he sucks and is an awful person, but has this intense focus on him that she won’t loosen. It’s keeping me at arms length. Not interested in listening to someone vent about a toxic dynamic they keep choosing.I don’t want to develop a friendship with an addict of any kind, feeling kinda sad about that. It’s been hard to create friendship at this stage of life, too.
On another note, I realized that I’ve had different standards for dating towards a relationship than casually. I’ve tolerated inconsiderate, selfish behavior when I’m not relationship minded, and realized, the reason it seems impossible to find anyone is because I won’t do that anymore. There’s just a lot of inconsiderate, selfish people in the world.
Deleted my Hinge last night with hundreds of likes in my stack. I got back into dating in Nov 2025 after I decided I was ready to put myself out there for finding a relationship. Lots of dates, a few some I saw potential in a LTR with, but I’m mentally exhausted from dating. I met a lot of very sweet and nice women but it’s hard for me to find someone that I click with. I plan on spending this Summer having fun with my dog, friends, and working on my hobbies. If something natural comes up in terms of dating I’m open but definitely not making it my goal at this point.
Send help. I’ve had so many crushes throughout my life. I’m a daydreamer, can’t be helped. Also autistic, and can get a little obsessed with things/people/etc I become interested in. But I’ve been pretty good about not letting myself get too deep of ones on real people that I have any chance of interacting with.
And… I’ve allowed myself to develop a stupid crush, on a guy a decade my junior, not even conventionally attractive, but he’s so damn funny (there are other reasons, too, but not going to get into it). Which of course makes him cute to me. FACK. Just have to remind myself of crushes from the past – they either eventually faded, or the one time I actually went out with a guy I had a crush on it was so so good, until it was awful and I learned what a scummy human being he actually was (well into us dating, unfortunately).
I believe now all the people from my high school i graduated with are now married expect for me. This is not good at all for me.
Met a man in the wild who asked me to coffee this week and I’m remembering what true attraction feels like and dangggg I missed this feeling. I think it’s been over two years since I’ve felt actually attracted to someone. How can that be? I live in a big city..
Pretty sure I just got stood up >:(
It’s super weird too, I texted him TODAY to confirm and he said “yeah I’m excited!” 30 minutes before the date was supposed to happen. Then I show up and he’s unmatched me. It’s an app where I can see that he did that instead of deleting his account or something.
I’m a male over 35 in the US. I only really started seriously dating at 30 for context. I think of myself at least average in terms of looks. I look younger than I am (people often confuse me for early to late 20s), am reasonably fit (I still have work to do here though), am blessed to still have a full head of hair and barely any graying.
However, whenever I seem to successfully go on repeated dates with women who actually like me back, I notice I rarely am physically attracted to them. The two exceptions were one where I actually found her gorgeous, but she broke it off after 2 months saying she was looking someone more assertive, and one longer term relationship where I eventually got over her looks but pushed through it since I liked her personality (she sometimes looked attractive, other times didn’t), but it fell apart due to other reasons.
I feel like what I’m looking for looks-wise (personality matters more for sure though) is someone with a cute or pretty face I find somewhat attractive, and someone who’s got a similar level of physique to me where I find something attractive there.
Am I just being totally unreasonable here? Are my expectations too high given my age and the age of the women who actually want to date me (1-4 years younger than me)? Maybe I’m much worse looking than I realize? I’ve personally continued to lower my bar here and do my best to ignore my feelings on looks, but it feels odd to do so. I’d love to sanity check myself on this and am open to new perspectives.
I honestly feel bad even typing this. I haven’t had the best luck in dating. I’ve had bad luck the last few years but no one can be perfect. I met a girl recently and she seems great. She’s friendly, we have common interests and she takes an interest in my life. We have only been on two dates so far but I’m unsure for simple reason- she’s a little bigger than girls I usually go for. I feel shallow for even thinking like this but some of my friends have said you like what you like. However, I do feel like I should give her an honest chance and see her a few more times. So I guess what I wanted to ask have any of you ever dated someone who wasn’t your typical “type”?
Going on a picnic tomorrow with mutual friend guy, it’ll be our 4th date, but we’ve seen each other a few times in between our other ‘official’ dates.
I hope it’s just me being silly and anxious and reading too much into it, but I feel like the vibe has shifted a bit in the last week. I really hope I haven’t gone out and bought all these cute little things to eat only for him to end it tomorrow. I guess time will tell!
You can always find a minute to swipe. Even in the middle of a SWAT mission.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW9YT-mkcR1/
Need advice on social etiquette!
Me (F), my partner (M) and my old best friend (F; who I had a crush on – like a decade ago) are meeting up. There will be social activities like games and dinner.
My problem is I can be a bit socially unaware and not knowing what *not* to say. Mostly it’s because I see me sharing my own thoughts and feelings as being a transparent person, but I know that sometimes while what is said is technically true and I myself wouldn’t mind being done the same, it hurts other people’s feelings to hear it out loud and/or from me.
Here’s what I know *not* to do:
1. Don’t share information that is not mine; protect other people’s privacy if they have shared something in confidence e.g. private feelings, trauma, explicit stuff in the bedroom. Inconsequential stuff like telling someone else if a dinner party likes Thai food is OK.
2. Don’t share my own feelings/thoughts that could make it uncomfortable for others to be aware of. I know I wouldn’t wanna hear if my partner tells me that his female friend is hot even if that may be true, so I shall not do the same. But what about traits not related to appearance? E.g. both my best friend and partner have a niche computer skill – is it a fun thing to say how I seem to have a thing for people who have that skill?
3. Don’t just focus on one person and avoid making the other person feel left out… but what’s a good amount of skinship when you are both accustomed to holding hands with/hugging your partner and your best friend (on separate occasions)? Do you still hold hands with either of them (if so, who?) or do you just not hold hands at all? I’m inclined to think as long as it’s not an extended period of handholding/hugging one person (more than 5 seconds), it’s not gonna make the other person feel awkward.
Need some insights please. I want to be a transparent and honest person, and at the same time I want to be considerate.
Edit: My partner is aware that I had a crush on my best friend (I told him) and he doesn’t mind me seeing her and do what friends do as long as without romantic intent/don’t give him a reason not to trust me. I feel like this upcoming meeting with all three of us present has a big potential of making us all more bonded in our shared hobby, but I am anxious of any misunderstanding happening especially when I can be socially awkward and unaware.