This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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33 comments
I feel like it might take a long time to even *match* with the type of guy I want. And the saddest part is I don’t feel like I want something that crazy. Just a kind, smart, funny man who’s my type. Too bad it’s instead just endless sifting through the same dude in sunglasses holding a fish that I swear I’ve seen 500 times.
Out of all the dating sites I’ve been on, Duet has seemed the most promising, but I’ve yet to get any dates :(. I’ve had multiple conversations and most did not start with sexual solicitations which is great! I’ll stick it out.
I did have a great date with a guy I met on another dating site. He certainly has the resume of a person I want, but the physical attraction isn’t 100% there. I do think some of this can change over time, so I’m looking forward to future dates. Objectively, all of my friends have found him more attractive than any other guy I’ve dated recently, but he seems really into me and it’s a little scary lol.
Someone I thought was out of my life since the end of 2024 suddenly decided today to follow me on my Instagram, and she tried voice calling me. I didn’t even know Instagram has that feature, lol. I missed the call since my phone is pretty much always on silent mode. I cringed when I saw the notifications.
One would think ignoring multiple calls and texts back then would send a message. Not pulling the pin on that grenade either way. I deserve waaaaaay better. I just can’t fathom why you would try to reach out again after such a long time when the last interaction we had was anything but positive.
I am having a crisis of faith after re-activating my Hinge profile. I know I have a number of “knocks” against me (age, race, job/education) but I feel like 0 activity without crazy dealbreakers is insane. How do I keep the faith?
I’m (31F) in a LDR with a guy who’s 28M. I live alone in OH, and he still lives with his parents in NC. I got my master’s in 2018 and he’s just starting community college with the goal to transfer to a 4 year university. I like the potential of him but I’m afraid our timelines don’t align since I want to have kids but I don’t want to have them at 40…. He’s thoughtful but at times I question if I’m wasting my time because he said he’s probably not going to be done with school until 2030. I’m not sure what to do.
I clammed up emotionally after December’s can’t-fall-in-love-with-you guy, so I’m living vicariously through these daily threads, lol.
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I feel like the SAME men like me again and again on hinge. But on different apps I see new people? I just feel like I can’t win with hinge at least for getting likes jts always the SAME people!!!!
Went on date 4 which turned into a sleepover and some of the hottest sex of my life! Context though we’ve been talking for months regularly so there’s a weird sense of rapport. I do think this guy is looking for something more casual though, he said that he doesn’t really want to do things that are ‘domestic’ with me, at the same time he later had me clarify that I didn’t just want to be friends?
I might clarify more next time but I’m also happy to just see where things go, I would eventually like a relationship but I’m not rushing it.
Gonna run my first 5k this week for the first time in…forever. It’s been a while cause I injured my toe. So I’ve had to really take my time and build up to it.
Which has been super frustrating, as I just wanna go!!!
But afterwards I’m gonna treat myself to something sweet. Chocolate cake, maybe? Ice cream? Oversized bag of M&Ms perhaps.
Or just say fuck it, and have all 3.
I (37m) have been dating a woman (30) for over a month and while we have good rapport, similar interests, and backgrounds, I find myself bumping up against really starting a relationship with her. I’m typically single, not a serial dater in anyway so I’ve become very well adjusted to being alone and spending my time how I like to. Sometimes I get the vibe she likes me lot more than I like her which makes me feel bad. Should I break things off with her or try to push past my selfishness?
Today is a much better day.
🪴
I just redownloaded Bumble after 6 months and I have a backlog of 200+ likes. I can’t see them because they’re paywalled and hitting X on the 3 profiles I can see doesn’t clear them out. Is my app glitching? And I really don’t want to delete but having a backlog of likes from 6 months ago makes me think I won’t see any fresh likes until I get through these old ones (if the app even lets me?)
So I scheduled a date with a girl back in late December for January 3. I checked in a few days before and didn’t hear back so I just chalked it up to another “she changed her mind and didn’t want to tell me”
Well she just messaged me apologizing for not letting me know because she was busy with holidays but she also didn’t say she’s available or still wants to meet up
Now I’ve become very cynical with online dating, probably past the point of reason. I imagine her first choice fell through or something and I’m the back up or something. Or maybe she legitimately was busy and didn’t check her messages for 3 weeks
I don’t really know if I’m looking for advice if I should message her back or not. I’ll probably message her back anyways. What would you do in this situation?
I’m supposed to have a date with someone from Hinge tomorrow. This morning he texted “We need to make a plan for tomorrow.” I told him what time I’m available. He replied without suggesting any semblance of a plan. I specifically said in my profile I appreciate when others take initiative for the first date.
Meanwhile I have a date next Saturday with someone I met in the wild. He’s already bought movie tickets, made a restaurant reservation, and told me what train we’re taking.
I kind of don’t want to go out with tomorrow’s guy anymore.
Probably Wants Kids came into my bar last night. I’d gotten cut a couple hours before and was hanging around and chatting with coworkers/friends. I walked over, we hugged, I pulled up a chair, and we talked for five… hours…
It’s funny what agreeing to not date does to relationship dynamics. We were both more … pointed? Brutally honest. The armchair psychologist in me says we were both actively looking for ways to make the whole thing between us less appealing. Did not work.
I got breakfast with a friend who spied us hanging out again last night and I barely even started talking about it before she grabbed me by my shoulders and said, “omg you are so unbelievably fucked. i am so sorry.” lol
I’m resentful that I will need to outsmart and out-effort my feelings. That’s difficult, annoying, and obnoxiously responsible.
I had to call off something that was going decently.
Was seeing a woman for the last month. When we got in to it we both agreed to keep things casual/not serious as we are both recently out of serious relationships.
They got pretty mad at me for not prioritizing them in my life (wanting to see me at least twice a week.) I said I can’t commit to that right now and that we should stop seeing each other if they want more commitment as that’s not something I can offer yet (my ex’s stuff is still at my house, the body is fresh.)
She was upset, I feel upset, but also I know if this kept going I’d just end up hurting her again.
Soo this guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/s/nySvdV2936
Turns out my interest was obvious. Planned thoughtful date for him and he seemingly freaked out and told me he was a bit all over the place emotionally and not sure what he wanted from dating. He didn’t text for a couple of days. Seems like me showing thoughtfulness and intention put him into head spin like I wanted a relationship but I never even fucking said that 🤨 im just showing you I like and appreciate you. And I find it odd he was spiralling so much since his cousin told me he was obsessing over me. It just makes no sense lol. He did seem to feel really bad and anxious about his drunk night and trying to kiss me. So I do see he has more going on internally and told me he doesn’t want to drink anymore.
I try to put a lot of care snd consideration into people and their feelings and it sucks when you think find a good one and you think it’s safe to show interest because they’re apparently into you and then turns out they’re not or whatever the hell is going on with him lol
Who has energy for this 😴
Non-dating news today (although I do have a date later): I got pre-approved for mortgage this morning. I’m so excited! I was having a bit of imposter syndrome over whether anyone would lend me money to buy a house.
I’m also proud of myself for how much I’ve grown. I had lunch with my best friend today who questioned why I’m buying my own house when I’m dating someone. Old me would have completely put a pause on house buying because I’d be dreaming up my fantasy life with a man who already has a home and property. I told her I’ve been there and I’m not going to be on the other side of an LTR without a place of my own to fall back on again. No way in fucking hell. No living in a family member’s basement while I pick up the pieces of my life and figure out what the hell I’m going to do. Having a house means giving myself stability and security I spent most of my adult life so far trying to get from a man. Also, it’s an investment!
Okay – so I am doing my best to live in the moment, but as someone pointed out to me last week maybe I do need to consider some things.
So the guy I have a date with – we have a good drive between us, so I have been wondering if it’s even possible to make this work if we choose to go on after the first date, and given both our custody schedules, I think it would make it even harder. The text communication is good, but I think in person would be very hard. – now I feel like I am super jumping ahead even considering this – so should I wait and see how the date goes before considering this detail or is it worth a conversation before hand
Met someone cute through a friend. Flirtatious banter, exchanged numbers, went on a date, flirtatious texts, etc. Then he asks if I’m available to have a phone chat. Because of all the flirtatious texting I actually thought “I guess he’s tired of texting and just wants to chat… lazy weekend afternoon vibes?” We started with some chat and then he said “So I was thinking about it and I just want to be friends.” And I was honestly shocked because 1) that’s not what the signs indicated and, 2) IME most people after ONE date would just send a polite text. Then he said something like “what do you think?” And I was a little confused…. because I think what he was really asking was “what are you looking for right now?” But for me it felt a little like “I’m ending this in an unusually formal way, please tell me how sad it makes you and/or talk me out of it.”
We ended up talking for almost three hours. It was one of the most in-depth thought provoking phone calls I’ve had. I figured I had nothing to lose so I did tell him what I thought … about everything. And he told me the same. Why he was hesitant, etc. It was very confusing and frustrating (we’re basically in complete opposite places… he’s less than a year out from a divorce and wants to date casually and build his social life, I’ve been single for 6 years, I have enough friends, and I’m pretty sure i’m going to have a baby with a sperm donor soon but am kind of dating with the “giving it one last shot” or “enjoy flirting and romantic connection before insemination” mindset). The problem is, I really like talking to him. And I think he likes talking to me.
I’m sure the topic of “the spark” has been discussed to death on this sub but I really think about it a lot. I’m starting the think the spark is the ultimate red flag. I feel excited by him. I feel like he sees and is attracted to me in ways I don’t always feel (as much as is possible after two hangouts). Bleh. And I have no reason to think he’d be a good partner and obviously looks like I won’t get to find out. I really wish I could just rationally make a decision based on availability, compatible goals, and desirable character traits and turn on my attraction like a switch.
I don’t know where we landed… the next we had a text exchange where he said he was grateful for the chat.
The really truly fucked part is that a tiny part of me feels vaguely hopeful. But I also feel like I’m so much more emotionally mature than I was a few years ago. I’m able to notice the hopefulness, but also remember that I had a big crush a few months ago and it passed. I was alright before I met this man and I’ll be alright again. I’m trying to believe in the universe.
Last year I met a guy on hinge and we met, fell for each other and it’s just continued to burn slowly and steadily. I’m in love and I adore him. We argue about who loves who more and it’s disgustingly sweet. On the inside it completely melts me.
Today, I received no message and no call from the guy I am seeing. It makes me feel pretty anxious. I have not a good feeling about it. (Before someone asks why I didn’t send a text or called first, we have now a big time difference so yesterday I still sent him something on two different social media platforms and today he only replied to it with likes. And also yesterday it was me who called him. I don’t mind initiating, but yes, I stay aware of how much I initiate and I think it’s totally fair.
So I opened my OkCupid account just out of curiosity what those three guys replied to whom I wrote I cannot continue texting with them or meet them since I have been seeing someone and I find it won’t be fair to anyone. And their responses are so absolutely lovely, two of them literally replied with “thank you very much for letting me know”, and saying they are happy I met someone and they keep their fingers crossed for my “relationship” (I don’t think I am in a “relationship” though). One wrote “I really appreciate, admire and respect your stance on chatting in a dating context if you are seeing someone.” 🥺
Honestly, this guy’s recent behavior and these guys lovely responses make me feel like I might have gone with a wrong choice (as always).
But yes, I definitely cannot complain that there are no good men out there.
Also, today reading news about Kurds being attacked in Syria, I had this instinct where I wanted to share the link to the news with someone… and I realized I cannot send it to the guy I am seeing while I know for sure I could send it to that guy who replied so nicely (I never met the guy, but I know I could have a discussion on it with him). I feel shitty and “unfaithful” even entertaining this thought. Like once I kiss a guy I feel I cannot look at anyone else. My brain is shutting any of such ideas, I guess. But now I really wonder. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so naive. And could have just met that other guy while the guy I am seeing is away for a month solo traveling.
In other news, seems like I am founding an animal welfare NGO and some of my friends are interested to join 🥺 That’s more important to me than dating for sure.
I just broke up with my girlfriend. It’s for the best for each of us.
We had a long distance relationship and we love each other. But I had my doubts about being able to put the time and effort into the relationship due to my life circumstances.
I had a whole bunch typed out but I’ll just say we were very openly discussing the matter before now, and it ultimately comes down to her deserving better, and me being unhappy in our relationship despite us loving each other.
She told me that she’s not mad and that she understands. But I can’t stop crying.
Hey universe: Im healed! I’m at peace! Please send me another mentally ill bisexual avoidant who will ruin me!
I’m right out of my breakup and wow I feel like the floodgates have opened. My friends are setting me up with people, I have a ton of great matches in dating apps, and ever since I lost weight a lot of really cute people have been approaching me in person!
So this time around I’m going to be so so picky and try to get it right. I am slightly concerned because my schedule will get busy in March.
Could use some pretty basic advice. If you work in an office and have a date after work how do you get ready for the date? Are you bringing clothes/makeup to change into at work? Also men how would you feel about this? If there is a date planned for after work would it make sense if the person is not as done up as usual?
Do men with kids on dating apps act more desperate than those who don’t? I hate to think this but I’m kind of noticing a trend
I’m a woman in my late 30s, and while I’m not overweight I have a tonne of minor strains, injuries and pains that always show up and scupper my attempts to start exercising properly. I’ve always been a little inflexible but I feel really stiff nowadays and only the other day did I finally begin a stretching routine.
I haven’t had sex for a couple of years, and I realise there are muscles and moves I haven’t used since then! I am nervous because I don’t look as decrepit as I feel. It is highly likely I’ll be having sex this weekend and I just want to know how to approach it – have any of you been through similar?
After a year off I have signed up to hinge, haven’t got the balls to do any swiping tonight. Find it a mix of emotions on there. Facebook dating is shit and Tbh it’s just glitches out on the verification screen. Great!
I have another first date tonight with a drop dead gorgeous woman who is also smart and funny. The dating gods must be very pleased with me. Wish me luck!
I’m going on a first date this Thursday with a woman I met about two weeks ago. We really vibed; easy conversation, strong flirting, and lots of into me signals. I didn’t bring up that I have a kid beforehand. She’s a teacher and has said she wants kids, so part of me thinks it wouldn’t have been an issue, but I decided to wait and talk about it in person.
I plan to tell her on the date, but I’m curious… how big of a misstep is this? We might not even have a great first date, so it felt premature to lead with something that can be very disqualifying. That said, I don’t love how heavily having a child can count against someone in dating. I didn’t choose to be a single parent; it’s just my reality.
I was texting with someone on hinge, he seemed decently promising, I got slightly off vibes from the texting but was choosing to push through it. Then once he asked to meet I googled him, and found a couple years old video at a comedy roast night where his only jokes were about the other guy’s weight (he is only a bit less heavy than the other person in the video) and they all fell very flat.
I have so many feelings about it, mainly I feel like I have so few dating options that I have to give everyone maximum benefit of the doubt and never turn down a date, who knows what he could be like now etc, but also I feel crappy to be in this position of pushing myself forward to go on dates with people who are giving me off vibes before I even meet them.
It is increasingly hard for me to listen to friends telling me about the great new person they’re dating or engaged to or whatever and just think about my lack of options and pretend I’m fine.
It also doesn’t help that if I try to go to friends as a sounding board in such situations, 99% of the time they push me to date/keep dating the person even if I’m not happy. It’s very much like you don’t have options anyway, so what’s the harm, maybe he’ll grow on you, maybe you’re too picky or judgmental etc.
chat, tmi, but my sex drive is so crazy lately. i feel like a teenage boy or smthn. going on lots of dates but not feeling any physical attraction 😭 i’ve run into a lot of bad kissers