My friends told me that I’m not edgy at all and that I’m basically like milk toast. I don’t think I’m bland, I enjoy many things like art and hiking and travel, I enjoy watching horror movies and attending local music shows, I volunteer at the local animal shelter and help make food with a mutual aid group, I’m beginning to socialize more within the kink community and I’m in school for wildlife conservation.
Do they mean I’m not unconventional enough? What does it mean to be edgy though, and is it a bad thing that I’m not? How can I stop being so “milk toast”?
33 comments
Sounds like you confided trust in a person with no clue who you are, what makes you special, and has terrible communication problems. My advice is not to allow people like this to dictate your sense of self.
There is nothing wrong with not being edgy. Especially trying to be edgy is annoying. We all know those people who try too hard to have a hot take on something or to be more interesting than they are.
You sound like a well rounded person who gives back to their community and enjoys many things. Be confident in who you are and know that plenty of people will appreciate that you are stable and enjoy the simple things in life. Edgy is wayyy overrated.
Try being more Moons Over My Hammy
You sound nothing like “milk toast”. You have many hobbies and seem very interesting. You need different friends
It’s “milquetoast” but that’s also not a kind thing to say to someone at all, and rude. You don’t sound bland at all. You need better friends who appreciate you for who you are. You sound interesting to me. Don’t change yourself for nasty people
Hey, listen. Don’t stop being anything. Honest to god. You don’t sound milquetoast to me. LCD Soundsystem has a song called “Losing My Edge” and, aside from being very good, it’s a meditation on how we’re all going to get old and boring. And no matter how much you strive to be edgy, to know the most or be the most or to sell your turntables and buy guitars or whatever, it’s always a fleeting thing. You’ll never catch it. The most badass people I know did what they authentically liked and the edgiest thing about them was if someone didn’t like it, they were dismissed. “You don’t think it’s cool that I’m knitting uteruses with friends in my dorm room at 11 PM and not out drinking? Well, I guess I’m not cool and you needn’t bother me, because I’m doing what I like”. Cause that’s what cool actually is. It’s not trying to be youngest or the hippest or the one who is wearing the most latex downtown at 2 AM. Cool is doing what you authentically like, attracting people who are into what you authentically like and who want to be around you because they think it’s neat, and letting everyone else be jealous that they can’t be themselves.
The person who told you that doesn’t understand that yet. Maybe they never will. And they can go and chase the finite high of feeling like they are the center of things, and they’ll learn what everyone learns. There’s no center. You can never get there. You either make your own center and let the people who are into it find your gravitational pull or you perpetually feel like an outsider. If they think you aren’t cool or edgy, that’s amazing. Let them go search out that edge of themselves. Do them the favor of setting them free to go find whatever it is they think is out there, and you keep doing what brings you joy. Go look back in ten years and see who got it right.
You saying “milk toast” rather than milquetoast was adorable, you got that going for you.
you sound cool. Don’t change for this person. They sound miserable.
They think ur bland or vapid but your not you need to find betyer friends u dont have to be edgy to be liked.
You don’t have to be edgy. You sound like a perfectly well rounded person and people who don’t appreciate that can go be edgy. I would be your friend!
OP, do these friends also say “we live in a society” every time someone does something the least bit conventional like following the law, dressing for the weather, or showing others respect? Because it seems like those were the type of people who were just rude to you.
Everyone has a “baseline” they have for personalities they expect in others. More often than not that’s biased, which is fine unless they’re being rude or overly critical. They’re projecting, maybe they don’t even live up to the expectations they are looking for in other people
You’ve strongly convinced me you are not milk toast / milquetoast. Edgy, emo, ICP, goth, X flavor of the decade, usually tends to be cringe when looking back on it. I wouldn’t make being edgy a goal.
The best you can do is ask your friend what they mean so you can better learn their opinions. While doing this it helps to keep in mind it’s just their opinion. You shouldn’t feel pressured to be more like them. Love yourself and enjoy who you are.
Edgy is generally considered an insult for someone who’s bold or provocative for the sake of being bold or provocative.
It’s not the same thing as ‘punk’ or ‘counterculture’ or ‘daring’ or anything that could have a positive connotation like that. If you want to engage in counterculture, that’s cool — you honestly already are (in my opinion) for being social in the kink community and being a part of conservation efforts. Kink is a little taboo, and actually giving a shit about the environment AND your local community enough to do something about it is certainly not ‘commonplace in the culture’.
I don’t know if they’re expecting you to start doing drugs or partying heavy or doing dares or whatever, but you are already plenty unconventional in a good way OP. Striving to go against the grain is cool, but being edgy is just… attention seeking. Keep being yourself.
idk sounds like you might need better friends or just people with similar interests. thats kinda mean lol
The edgiest thing in the world is to just be 100% unabashedly yourself. Don’t change for other people and their own insecure ideas about what’s cool. Authenticity is way more interesting.
Anyone who unironically uses the word milquetoast is a pretentious jerk not worth your time. Find new friends.
I think they’re jealous you’re more emotionally stable than they are. These people are probably problematic and exhausting. Don’t be their therapist, you may have to drop them to rise above. You sound awesome!
Edgy?? Like dangerous or capable of it because…you dont think things through? Most people aren’t edgy. Being edgy is cool when you’re 17. When you’re 23, because the weight of adulthood hasnt kicked in. After that, nobody is edgy, only idiots.
When was being edgy a good thing? As you get older people will gravitate towards people who are grounded and safe and see “edginess” as insecure and attention seeking.
For the record, to me, edginess ≠ passionate. Maybe he might be saying that you don’t have a strong public facing identity?
?? Are your friends okay ?? Do they even know you?? You sound like a proper cool person. Heck, you are even more active and functional than half the people in this subreddit. There is no need to change yourself, OP. Stay awesome.
You sound pretty cool to me. As a person who’s always been on the edge of being ‘alt’, I’ve learned that a lot of people who go over the top trying to look like the embodiment of a subculture are often overcompensating. Dress the way that makes you feel the most yourself and comfortable in your skin, ditto with hairstyle and body mods. I’m almost 30. People get less pretentious as they get older, hopefully your friends do as well. You sound like a really rad, wholesome, self-assured person. Don’t let an insecure, judgemental, try-hard of a friend get you down. You don’t have to be edgy or abrasive to kick it. Being chill and happy with who you are is a good way to be and it’s totally ‘a vibe’ (lol), and one most people love at that. Authenticity attracts. if your friends have negative things to say about it, they’re probably not real friends.
The more I mature the more I understand the value of finding a group that accepts me for me.
They want drama. You’re not dramatic. Bullet dodged.
*milquetoast
Remember the way others see you is a reflection of themselves and beliefs not of who you truly are! Peace
Your friends sound like tedious wannabe-edgelord losers.
And I mean that with all due disrespect. To them, not you.
It’s definitely not a bad thing to not be “edgy”. It sounds like you have many different and interesting hobbies and things you’re passionate about. I think your “friends” were rude and trying to put you down, honestly. You seem like a fascinating person. Maybe they’re jealous you actually have interests, and they’re trying to make themselves feel better, or maybe they find what you like doesn’t interest them, so they think it’s “bland”. Either way they don’t sound like very kind people to be around if they’re willing to put you down for something they don’t enjoy.
Don’t change who you are to accomodate for others. Keep being yourself, you’re plenty interesting and “unconventional” as you is.
Your friends sound lame af.
Your friends are buttheads and should be tossed out
Anyone who makes you feel badly about not being perceived as edgy seems like a red flag. You seem like a stable person with a well balanced life
Trust me one day your stability will be a value no one can put a price on.
r/boneappletea
Sigh…
It’s milquetoast. And people who use that word are just as banal themselves.
I’d be interested to see what this person is like if they’re calling you “milquetoast”
Fuck them! Tell them to fuck off!