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My friend who wants to date just keeps letting me down. Nothing egregious, but just so disappointing for boyfriend material honeymoon stage.
He let me know that he told his friends he “didn’t have to bring his A game” because he’s “just comfortable” with me. I planned date one, just a brewery. Simple no pressure. For date two he came over and I made dinner. Not even a half hearted compliment or thanks. No offer to help with the dishes. Told him I would be down for another date only if he planned one. Gave him a few ideas. It’s date time minus two hours and he’s asking which of my ideas I’d want to do. Dude come on. So I picked up a shift at work tonight instead.
Feels like an audition to see if he’ll settle for me.
what is a polite way to inquire if a friend is dtf? Asking for a cousin
Bit of an off my chest moment, no advice needed, just reflecting.
So right now, I’m in the early stages of dating a 29/F, who actually turns 30 next week. I can’t believe it’s only been 14 days since our first date via Breeze and we’ve been on two more dates since. It might’ve been how long but enjoyable our dates have been, but there have been times I have to remind myself “It’s only been two weeks, she said she’s a slow burn, but she’s showing up for you. Keep showing up for her and you’ll be fine.” In fact, it’s admittedly scary but oddly refreshing to date someone who doesn’t expect me to be above and beyond romantic at the beginning. Just the fact that I’m trying to put my best foot forward was all that she needed to know to feel good with me.
On another thing, one of the things I hate being single for eight years is when I see that she’s texted me unprompted, it’s not a feeling of eagerness before I open the text, but the feeling of “Here’s the ‘You’re great but I’m not feeling it’” text. Even though there’s no evidence whatsoever that she’s going to drop me like that anytime soon, that involuntary skipped heartbeat of doom kicks in for a second. And I hate that I have that. I know I’ll survive if I do get that text, but the fact that my mind goes to that is something I myself have to overcome.
TL;DR: I really like this woman 🧡
/rant
Dumped again! Seven dates in, and he called me, which I guess is nice (last guy to pull this we were at 10+ dates and I just got a scheduled text.) But I really liked this one, thought we had a solid compatibility going. His reasoning didn’t make a ton of sense to me but I guess it always boils down to the other person just not feeling it, right?
I think I found a good one that matches the energy, the dreams and the life that I want for myself. It’s too early to be certain but some extremely strong butterflies and a really deep admiration for who this person is.
I had a first date on a beach! Was a new experience. It’s very hard to remain sexy while having sand everywhere and salt water in your eyes.
I just told a guy friend that he’s a walking green flag (he responded with a funny gif). And asked him if he’s a golden retriever disguised as a human (he’s a super extrovert) he laughed and cracked a joke. And sent him a long text about the camp (he was my help with the gear and all things camp related) -and he responded. Then I sent a text to our friend group about camp (and me needing some cheering up) – he responded very quickly with a joke and a funny gif.
And normally, he’d go around to chat to different people, and somehow he’d conveniently pop into me and my friends’ conversation, he’d chat a bit (like he’s one of the girls) and then pop along. I wasn’t there today, and he didn’t chat to my friend.
If I didn’t know better (he’s a golden retriever in human form) I’d think he’s trying to flirt with me…. but i don’t trust my judgment- I think he’s just being nice
Decided on a whim last night to go out and watch football at this pub and lounge i sometimes go to. Wasn’t expecting to go home with anybody or something, just figured it’d be more fun than sitting on my ass at home.
Turns out a friend of a friend was there along with one of her other friends I hadn’t met who was also a nice woman. We caught up and watched the game together and it was a fun night, plus we won! Go Hawks!!
We figured it’d be nice to do it again sometime, go dancing at one of the reggae clubs in these parts. Again, I don’t expect anything to come from it but it was nice to go out and do something.
Randomly coming in to rant on behalf of my brother and modern dating. I’m heated!
My brother is sweet, romantic, and kind. He has a big heart and a lot of love to share! Comes from a good home (biased, obviously lol) and has a lucrative/stable career, social life, and hobbies. Of course he’s not perfect, but he’s a good man savannah, a good man!
But good LORD, is modern dating rough and ruthless.
He had been seeing a woman for a month or so. She came in with some baggage that she dropped on him on the sixth date. They had a lengthy conversation about it, and I thought he should have moved on then, but he seemed not think it was a dealbreaker. Ok, fine.
They are planning to have a movie night. She calls him to let him know she’s on her way, and that she’s hungry and they may need to get dinner. My brother, who is very logical-minded, lets her know that he’s already eaten and meal-prepped for the week, and it might be best if she could pick something up on the way. She says, “I sure will! Have a good night,” and then promptly **blocks him.**
If it wasn’t bad enough, as this exchange is going on, my brother is waiting in line at her favorite coffee shop getting her favorite matcha latte, and had spent the day running around getting all her favorite snacks from multiple stores to surprise her with. And mind you, she’s never done a single thing for him. He’s paid for every date and always looked out for her.
What happened to communication? I feel like I actually understand where she might’ve been coming from. He didn’t do anything objectively wrong, but I do think he should have said, “I’ve already eaten, but we can order in for you when you get here.” We come from a culture that is very “provider” centric, and so his telling her she’s on her own was probably a turn-off. But like… TELL HIM. Communicate!
So much shitty modern dating advice is “no words, just block them!” when that’s not how healthy relationships work. They take effort and communication. At a month+ in, you could talk about it.
Ofc, he’s in his “I’m never going on the apps” phase right now, but I hope he recovers soon and finds an emotionally intelligent and kind-natured ADULT who can communicate and reciprocate his energy.
So I was talking with a co-worker about the guy I like at work and she mentioned that “guys aren’t like girls who talk to their friends about their crush and only keep it to themselves”
Now I wonder how true that is, especially with older men 🤔
**The dilemma…**
I’ve a FwB(33m) situation, coming up to our one year mark. He doesn’t seem happy with the idea of me seeing other people, but we’ve never declared ourselves as monogamous. My summer romance of year 2025 (took a break from the FwB during this time) wants to meet tomorrow, he says he has something he wants to discuss with me. Part of me says I should not meet the old flame, and instead touch base with the FwB on if this current arrangement still works for him first, as that sounds like the most caring, mature option. Another part of me says I am not in a monogamous relationship, so meet the old flame and don’t consider the FwB other than sexual healthwise.
I asked some friends. One says meet the old flame because what if he plans to tell me what I don’t want to hear? Then I’d be rocking the boat with FwB for something that’s actually nothing. Ehhh, that sounds secretive though. Another friend said it is casual yet I want to consider his feelings, and that I shouldn’t do that because he is not my boyfriend, therefore, there should be no sense of loyalty or responsibility, and that I won’t be at fault by seeing my ex because if the FwB wants more, he can always say so. Ehhhh, sounds a bit harsh.
**Further context….**
Next month marks one year of mostly amazing sex. It started off as hooking up and us both wanting to part ways immediately. As time went on, things became a lot more passionate in the bedroom and now we cuddle with pillow talk in between rounds. We see each other once to twice a week. We were each other’s new year kiss which felt incredible; we have intense make-out sessions.
A few things that I look back on that are very cute: At the beginning of things, when I was without a car, and he happened to be at my home, he gave my dog and I a lift to the emergency vet and stayed with me until 4:30am thouhg he had work at 8.00 that morning. He has picked me up at midnight from work 30 minutes away, helped me lift/transport furniture, and he sees me nearly any time I ask. We’ve witnessed a year’s worth of personal development and sexual growth, as well. This is why the whole “do what you plese without consideration of him” doesn’t sound right.
Anyway, most of the times he’s very chatty, affectionate, and pleasure in sex goes both ways. Rarely, he is very quiet, cold, and sex is selfish. We stop seeing each other for three months at one point, because I had a summer romance for two months, and needed one month to grieve its end. In November, when the FwB thought I was seeing my summer romance again, he asked if I was, in a tone of disapproval. FwB slept over that night, but wouldn’t cuddle me and left early the next mornig in a foul mood and wouldn’t even look at me as he left, no kiss good-bye. He wouldn’t answer me when I asked what was wrong, so I asked if I was snoring or farting, and he assured me I neither snored nor farted. I haven’t dated or been intimate with anyone else in five months, because why hook-up/risk our sexual health when I am getting the best sex?
**Conclusion…**
Fuck it, I don’t know what the rule book to FwB is so maybe this is a big blunder on my end, but I am going to go with the check-in option before deciding on whether or not I’ll meet the old flame. It’ll be akward, but I am willing to risk such embarassment and whatever other possible uncomfortable outcome could occur, if that means I did my part in being considerate. Now to plan when. He’s going away for a team building thing with colleagues in a few days, that he’s very much looking forward to, so I’ll wait a week or so after that, when he’s well settled back into his usual routine. Wish me luck!
Had an excellent first date yesterday, one of a handful throughout the week. It’s so affirming to move through a meeting like that with such fluidity and be met with unabashed appreciation, though not in a lovebomb-y way on the latter part. Not even an hour after we parted ways, he said that he “would love to see me again” and then offered to make another date that same evening. I have a good feeling about this one but even if it doesn’t pan out, I want to be met with the same energy/sincerity/effort from all other relationships, romantic or not.
An aside: sometimes I feel a little bit insane for being so no-nonsense or brass tacks about relationships. Like, I don’t believe in a “spark” or consider myself sentimental at all, nor do I let my emotions about a person impact the caliber of commitment to them. This first encounter was deeply refreshing because we had a chat mainly about principles, goals, and hopes, threaded through lots of giggling and stolen glances. I do feel drawn to this person but am really just floored at how frankly there were able to discuss things in a grounded way. It’s a total balm in a dating environment rife with “let’s just see how it goes/not looking for anything serious/I’ll take what I can get while offering as little as possible” mentalities.
Why didn’t enough of you warn me how scary it actually is to start feeling yourself slowly fall in love with someone… 🥲
Is it ever worth reaching out to a past holiday romance?
Last spring I met someone travelling, we had 4 days together in that country then I went to visit him in his country a month later, for 5 days. All very intense and whirlwind romance – I even met a lot of his friends and his parents lol. We were in touch for 2 months total before he ended it because of the distance (he lives in the US, I’m in Europe) which sucked because I was willing to make it work, but completely understandable. We haven’t spoken since then.
I honestly can’t stop thinking about him and the idea of reaching out, even just for a friendly hello (obviously there’s a part of me with a bit of hope, but I really don’t have expectations of anything happening again). Maybe if I text him and he doesn’t respond / isn’t interested in talking again / is in a new relationship etc it could give me more closure to move on.
I don’t know, has anyone been in a similar situation before? Any advice? Should I just leave it as a happy memory / treat him like an ex and move on?
I’m 39F and I feel like I’m just in for heartbreak after heartbreak. I don’t give many men a chance, my inbox gets overwhelmed. I try to only give my energy where it feels right and choose seemingly healthy individuals with their lives together.
I’m a divorcee and single mom, and I always put that out there up front. I never drop random baggage several dates in. But I just keep getting the switch up, over and over.
I wish I could figure out how to be FwB indefinitely, because attachment is doing me zero favors lately.
I don’t feel bad when a first date doesn’t go well, or we’re incompatible. It’s when you start to integrate someone into your life and get comfortable and then BAM!
I’m tired of trying to “fix myself” and see myself as the problem. I’m tired of personal growth podcasts lol I’m just living life and trying to love myself and be a good friend, mother, etc it never feels like enough.
Backstory is that an old friend and I reconnected after 15 years, and immediately felt the spark. Talked about expectations, got to know each other again, had some amazing intimate moments. Kissed me goodbye on Thursday, with plans to see each other tonight….
He canceled because he’s on his way to a date to see someone else and thinks it would be unfair to HER if we kept spending time together.
Um, what??! I know it was new but damn, I’m fucking heartbroken. Feels like a total slap in the face. I specifically asked about status/seeing other people and feel blindsided.
The highs and lows of dating is gut wrenching.
I had a great time. She said she also had a great time. But doesn’t want to move things forward from the first date. This is exhausting.
Asked a guy I’ve been dating if he likes me. We’ve been dating two months
He said kinda.
So I told him I kinda hate him and I left. Jk. But I was pretty hurt.
I’m kind of excited. Tentatively have my first date of 2026 next Saturday.
2026 is going to be my year off Hinge. Wish me luck!
It’s getting to a point where I’m starting to see the women I’ve talked to or went on a few dates with back on the dating apps
so how do you sustain a crush when they’re (maybe) too busy to msg/call?
i struggle with lukewarm/distracted responses or low stakes-ish conversations – a daily ‘how was your day?’/‘good night’ also feels super domestic this early on.
in the past i’ve mostly disengaged in busy periods and i’d like to find something sustainable!!
Going out with friends of friends and (funly) telling the overwhelming majority of the group they don’t eat boiled peanuts the right way is fun and all, but now I’m home and just wish I had someone to cuddle on the couch 😮💨
~~Edit: idk why this sub flair says I’m 34F. I’m 35M. Working on fixing now.~~ fixed
I’m losing hope and just need some reassurance, or something.
I’ve been on several dates but nothing serious to show for it. I kissed one lady, but she told me she wasn’t ready for a romantic relationship and wanted to be friends – and then ghosted me.
Went on another date last week. Everything went well. Just a simple dinner and bowling. I felt like we clicked and we even started talking about what the next date would be. Then when I followed up the next day, ghosted ever since.
I’m the common denominator here, so I’m sure it’s me, but I have no idea how to figure it out. My friends all say I’m great and think I deserve someone to match me, my ex wife is rooting for me, and my therapist has helped me work through a lot.
I’ve done a ton of work on myself and improved my life through a lot of effort and hard work, but I have no idea how to work on this part. I don’t know how to learn from dating mistakes.
It doesn’t help that my dating pool is already low for my area – I’m very liberal in a very conservative area, my hobbies don’t include the popular hobbies here, and I’m not religious in a very religious area. I have a kid (love the kid more than anything, no regrets) so I can’t move to a different area, but that fact also further limits my dating pool.
I don’t know. Like I said, I’m feeling hopeless and really down on myself. Obviously no one here has enough info to really help me right now, but just knowing I’m not alone would really help right now.
is it common for men to buy premium subscriptions to dating apps? do women get it normally?
I’ve been seeing this guy for around two months and it’s been going great. Last night he went out for this local festival that’s currently being held in his town, and in the early hours of the morning he sent me a drunk voice note of himself singing along to a song. Although, he didn’t send me anything sexual, emotional, or messy, I still don’t quite know what to think of this.
I had 4 dates with a woman and things got physical. I thought we had a solid connection then she just ghosts me out of the blue. I see her post on her instagram a story of her on a date on the same day that I asked to take her out for our fifth smh.
Damn I just feel like I’m bad at dating at this point
Met someone IRL a few times at various social events and was intrigued. Told the mutual friend who introduced us that I thought he was cute. She was ecstatic and immediately started scheming a way to play wingwoman. Well, an opportunity came up and when she asked him what he thought of me he apparently gave a non-answer and kind of dodged the question. I don’t know why, but this one stings a bit 🥲
I caught feelings for a coworker. I’m no longer at this job, but it was the first time I have had a crush for a long time!
I wish we spoke more. Looking back he would engage in conversation with me, but I just didn’t say much back. It was a mix of being nervous around him, and concentrated on learning the job. It wasn’t until after I left the job, I realized how much I liked him.
Catching feelings is such an experience and it was cool to experience it again.
Have reached the point in my break-up (3 weeks) where my nervous system hypervigilance is finally offline.
I miss her so fucking much.
I hope she is okay.
Am feeling lukewarm about someone after 3 dates and so am not sure if I should move forward with a 4th date.
I generally have an okay to good time with them. They’re attractive, put in effort, and I haven’t identified any deal breakers. And yet, nothing feeling-wise has clicked. I don’t experience lust/initial attraction but usually my interest is piqued after talking and interacting with someone. It hasn’t happened in this case.
My concern is if I’m not giving it enough time or if I’m not as engaged as I might otherwise be because I was recently excited about someone (which is unfortunately very rare for me) and the timing didn’t work out.
But I’m also starting to dread the idea of this person wanting more proximity or intimacy and then having to let them down because I currently don’t have that interest at all 😞
I have a profile on Hinge that likes my profile. He looks cute, everything he writes in his profile seems normal. He has a normal job.
The only ‘urg’?He is 5’7 and a bit on the skinny side. I’m 5’6 and 135 lbs (trying to go on a diet). I’ll look bigger than him if we ever meet irl. I don’t normally match with guys who aren’t taller or bigger than me. I’m already considered a bigger girl in my culture. I wanna feel smol when I go out with the guy. I have not matched with him yet. Idk what I’m waiting for.
Online dating is like endless swiping through pics of boiled peas. Bland, samey, unappetizing.
Why is everyone so afraid to be funny in their profiles? Like lots of pics that say “you’re my type if you can keep up with my dark humor/have the same sense of sarcasm”, but literally no one will crack a damn joke in their profile.
I didn’t think I was a particularly picky person but I catch myself swiping left on pretty much everyone…
Hard not to be discouraged when I go out and see young attractive people flirting and can’t even remember the last time anyone flirted with me. I’m just one of the ugly old people in the background, even apparently to people my age.
Would you cancel a second date if someone appeared closed off and not very affectionate? I had brought a woman to my place to chill after drinks and she seemed shy and closed off but she agreed to come back Tuesday for dinner. I am assuming she wasn’t turned off when I asked to kiss her per se. She also gave me her full schedule
First experience with a shady guy on the apps. He doesn’t know I know yet and not sure how to proceed. Maybe you guys can help me. Going to kind of fudge some details to not dox myself or the app I use since it’s smaller but he did the equivalent of a super super like a week ago. I responded and he asked me if I was in town and wanted to get together. I told him I was free this week. He sent me his number and we started texting. Not a lot but enough to keep the momentum. A few check ins here and there with good banter and getting to know you stuff paired with some planning texts for dinner. He texted me yesterday saying how excited he was to have dinner with me. We don’t follow each other on instagram but I decided to look. And HE GOT ENGAGED ON FRIDAY????
Now – do I ghost him? Tell the fiancée? Call him out? Like the post and see what he does? A combo of these? Any other ideas? Obviously i don’t want to date him but this is just so shocking to me. I’ve had (for the most part) good experiences on the apps.