This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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https://imgur.com/a/GH95LPq
Looking for some basic feedback on the 6 pictures I selected for hinge, thanks! 35M socal
Alternatives: https://imgur.com/a/8Jgsjwm
I’ve been dealing with some health problems lately, so I have decided to stop drinking alcohol for the foreseeable future except for the rare glass of champagne at a friend’s wedding, etc.
I went to an event last night geared toward singles, my first one since deciding to not drink any longer, and it made me realize just how much I’ve used alcohol as a social crutch. I could still socialize, but it was just so much more “fun” and I felt more open to meeting people and putting myself out there when I had a buzz.
Maybe for folks doing dry January or who’ve been sober for longer, have you ever felt this way before? It wasn’t enough motivation for me to want to drink again thankfully but it was definitely a bit of a flag of “maybe I don’t enjoy this as much as I should be while completely sober and I wonder why”
lol lots of bitterness in the thread today. Reminder that just because someone doesn’t choose you doesn’t mean they’re an avoidant monster. Or, if that’s true, then what does that mean when you’re the person not choosing someone else? We all have our list of things we want in a partner. It hurts being rejected, but are you really doing yourself any favors by coping that way? Is it really 100% that the other person is an asshole and you’re a gem? Those are the risks of the game… if you don’t like the risks then don’t play the game. Probably much healthier to take some time to move past your hurt and not transform your pain into bitterness and anger, and look for ways to learn and grow instead. And maybe sometimes nobody is at fault… it’s just not meant to be.
One of the harder things to accept as you get older is how many people leave your life without a clear goodbye. Not from arguments or dramatic fights, just the slow drift of life. Their daily presence turns into occasional likes, then to rare birthdays texts, then just memories. And suddenly they exist mostly as remnants of who they once were in your everyday world. Not just partners either, but friends, family members etc. Starting 2026 off a little lonely, but that’s okay, I’ll keep going.
Random: Do you think it’s possible to find a partner over 30 – who doesn’t have tattoos?
Hi everyone! I’d like to know if anyone has any fresh perspectives or advice on my situation.
I’m a 36-year-old man, diagnosed with autism. Never had a girlfried, neither my first kiss or hug
I started entering the dating scene around age 28. In the last eight years, I’ve had four dating coaches, over +2,000 cold approaches, and used several dating apps, including paying for a premium subscription on one. I was lucky if I got one match per month, and it always ended in ghosting.
Obviously, I work, im a musician, maintain impeccable hygiene, go to gim one time or twise a week and have a social life with a circle of friends, both men and women. I tend to go out both with my friends and alone to places to socialize, such as bars, parties, work gatherings, clubs of interest, and also to explore new hobbies and places.
I don’t know what to do anymore. My psychologist thinks all of this is draining my emotions and energy, but I don’t want to die alone either.
I’m having an extremely extremely bad day.
I had a few really bad panic attacks before the year ended because I had a gut feeling that things were going to converge into a really ugly day. I was right and today is that day.
I don’t really want to go into specifics because it’s painful and involves dredging up too many bad memories all at once but it does partially relate to dating. No healthy coping mechanisms for me today.
Truly the cherry on top of the shit sundae that has been this week.
Broke up with my GF this week after 8 months (both 36). She initiated, but honestly I think it was mutual the more I think about it. We chatted for around 2 hours over some tea at her place, reminisced over the happy memories, and gave each other closure, but ultimately we have a lot of affection for one another but are just not an emotional match and in the long term resentment was going to build.
She agreed to go no contact (for my benefit) but asked if we could reconnect in spring to see if there’s a possibility of remaining friends. I have the day in my calendar for late March.
This weekend is all about me — hung out with buds last night, have scheduled tomorrow and Monday hangouts as well. Today I’m enjoying some hobbies (hanging a shelf and a mirror on my wall, making some sourdough and kale chips, reading my book unfortunately had to cancel my morning hike because of a winter weather advisory). Cooking all my favorite meals this week.
I am proud of myself for not spiraling after (yet another) one didn’t work out. I used to lose *months* to heavy drinking and social isolation after breakups. I’m still very sad, there’s been tears, plenty of self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness have sprung up, but we’re coping much healthier, and that’s a good thing.
Not going to get back on the apps until after V-Day to make sure I fully and properly grieve the relationship to present a fully ready date to future prospects.
Had three wonderful dates mid December with a man who did everything right. Then third date sex and suddenly we weren’t seeing each other as often even though we live on the same street!
He still would send me daily texts but no plans materialised when it came to planning weekends or even mid week catch ups. We spent NYE together and then nothing until mid January so I called it quits.
I feel terrible about it because he would still send me miss you texts while doing nothing to actually meet me especially on the day I wanted to share the news of my promotion with him face to face.
Things going well with my bloke from work! Funny how quickly you can go from feeling hopeless to having someone nice around.
i went on 3 dates with a girl. on the third i went to her place, nothing happened physically. a bit of an awkward end when she said she had plans and cut the date short while we were watching a movie (her texts were going off like crazy as well so I was thinking she needed an exit plan). she sat on the other couch too.
i thought it was over but she texted me 3 days later asking how i’m doing. i said thanks for inviting me and she thanked me as well saying she had a good time. then i said next time we can go to my place and cook dinner together. she said yes and seemed enthusiastic about it. i said “let me know when you’re free, no rush!” as to not put pressure on her. i probably should have been more firm with this, but i really felt that she was on the fence after the 3rd date – my bad.
this was on monday. had a small text exchange about something random between tuesday and wednesday and that’s been it. haven’t heard from her since.
i’m thinking she isn’t prioritizing this and is probably seeing other people and keeping me as an option? should i reach out or just leave it? what’s your interpretation of the situation?
I make it clear on my Grindr profile that I like to meet for a drink before sex, it always comes up in conversation and I explain my reasoning for it. Some guys don’t like it, but usually they agree with me.
But whenever I try and actually arrange a time and date to meet they stop replying. This has happened with the last six guys and it’s incredibly frustrating. I know we all have lives, I know work is long, I understand that the next guy they message *will* just go to theirs instead of them having to spend time, money, and energy in going to a pub near their house but my *God*
I can’t get a normal date with a potential partner, I’d at least like to spend time with a guy before we have sex
This was literally just a single reply to a chat I had opened in an app and I’ve never been so repulsed by something that wasn’t creepy or obscene. The guy had a photo of himself with an animal at an animal encounter zoo type place and I asked him if the animal was a javelina. It was some kind of baby boar thing. He answers back along the lines of “chatgpt says those are from south America. I don’t think I would go there.” WTF. 1.) Has no idea what his own photo is of 2.) Racist/bigoted against all of South America? 3.) Why would you just recite what chatgpt told you back to me? Such a braindead response. Also it’s not even correct. Ick x 1000.
I only very recently returned to dating. I’ve tried my hand at online dating a few times, usually had more luck with traditional, “old-school” dating sites than apps though. The apps always brough me very low quality dates. After my breakup, in my despair I turned to Tinder anyway, just to see if there are any men I even like out there. I’ve talked and met up with two guys, one moved way too fast even when I expressed discomfort, but with the other guy things moved pretty naturally.
We had a few dates, he usually seemed to want to spend time with me, always suggesting the day for our next date, suggesting plans of going to a restaurant near his hometown, taking me to see X and Y (I could make a whole list of all the plans we already made), introduced me to some of his friends and invited me to join his gym classes (I couldn’t go), we still have plans to go to the movies soon. I still have Tinder installed, but I don’t initiate new conversations. Sometimes I’d look back on our conversation, because there are infos we exchanged I don’t always remember still saved on there. Today, while looking at our conversation, I opened his profile, and just scrolled his images to look at his face. That’s when I noticed there is a new picture that wasn’t on his profile while we were still talking on Tinder. Meaning he’s probably actively scrolling the app, updating his profile.
Did I jump the gun assuming he wants to be with me? Do people really need to officially discuss exclusivity these days, and I shouldn’t take anything seriously until then? I did intend on talking about how he sees this going, but this discovery honestly felt like a slap in the face. He’s currently recovering from a surgery too, so we had our longest break in dates yet, but we’re almost always talking online. He’s one of those guys who just returned to online dating after a long relationship, so it felt like he might not be one of those guys that had a Tinder profile for the last 10 years even though their profile says they’re looking for a serious relationship, playing the field.
When I take interest in someone, it’s really hard for me to be present for anyone else. It’s one of the reasons I broke contact with the other guy too. Is it a requirement to keep options open all the time? It’s all just so tiresome, and the biggest reason I felt despair after my breakup. I’m not made for this shit.
Someone I met from shared online activities (that have led to us talking 1:1 a couple of times) has mentioned I should visit their city a couple of times, maybe 3 times IIRC. I took it as a friendly thing to say the first couple of times (and responded accordingly with something like ‘yeah that sounds like it would be fun!’) but last time was one time too many for me and I decided to take it seriously. I mentioned spending a long weekend then and they told me I should let them know in advance so they can free their calendar and show me around.
So, I’m reading this as more than friendly but what’s somewhat weird is I haven’t felt them get flirty at all so far. All the invitations were on a more friendly than flirtatious tone, the only reason I’m reading it the other way is that I feel we aren’t really friends so the invitation as ‘friends’ doesn’t make all that much sense, but maybe they’re just extremely friendly?
What do you think, thread? Should I land with a slight flirty mood to start pushing things in that direction or go as friends and see how they act once we’re in person? Whatever other insults, comments or suggestions you may have for me are welcome as well.
I would be happy with either a friendship or something more, but my ‘something mores’ are harder to come by so I wouldn’t want to miss the chance if it’s there.
Some comments in the most recent question post referred to retroactive jealousy, and that got me thinking about my own reactions when I’ve spoken to people who are significantly more experienced than I am, and why it always triggered such painful insecurities within me.
What I already knew and figured out ages ago is that it all goes back to being friendless in early childhood – I was your stereotypical introverted nerd and so of course I was an easy target for bullies and social exclusion. But I still didn’t know why the topic of sexual and relationship experience was a specific trigger for this.
Today I realised that what’s really driving it is the desire to be able to relate to such people. In other words, what I had was not jealousy but envy. It’s a small realisation to make, but it was surprisingly soothing and I’m pleased that I now have a better understanding of that sore point. I remember in my teens being painfully insecure about being a virgin when many of my peers weren’t – again, the real issue was that I felt like I wasn’t able to relate to them on that level when I wanted to be able to.
On a practical level it doesn’t change anything about what I need to do from here, but it does make me better understand why I’m keen on having a better relationship history before I do meet my future life partner, if that does ever happen. I’ve always been implicitly assuming that they’ll have had a fuller relationship history than I’ve had up to this point, and if that is the case I want to ensure that by the time I meet them, I’ll be able to relate to them on that level.
Funny how reading about somebody else’s problems can help me figure out my own.
I just brought up my feelings to the guy I’m seeing on how I do not feel valued by him anymore. Depending on how he responds, this might be the end of us. I don’t want to settle for less, even if it hurts me in the end, even if I come back here next week wishing I didn’t say anything because of the void he left in my life. He became a big part of that now and I’m happy I took a chance on him regardless of where we end up, but I’d be lying to myself if I said I was happy with what he’s giving me. Our future is limited if this is all there is. I deserve more than to be placed into his schedule as he sees fit and convenient. I’m more than just a convenience. I’m more than just a lay. If I wanted to get laid, I could get it from someone who treated me better. And I’m tired. I have heavy emotional load on my shoulders and I’m not going to let this guy put me in a worse spot because I have people depending on me to be okay.
I just have to remind myself there are more important things to do than saving this relationship, if he doesn’t want to save it.
I am 30m and honestly Idk if I’ll ever find a woman and I think it might be too late for me. I have a good career as a software engineer making 100k and i live a lone in my own condo but for a lot of women im nto good enough for them and I’ve been told I need to do better but honestly I don’t know what else to do. I am going to the gym and have been travelling more, also putting myself out there but theres not much else I can do now. Idk I think its time to give up on dating.
Why are people dating, OLD, speed dating if they end up ghosting after planning first dates or “not ready for a relationship” or “still on the fence about kids”
FFS grow up, I thought past 30 that this would change. Age ≠ Maturity
Don’t ghost. It’s not cool. Be a grown up and say you’re not interested anymore or whatever…
New Year, same me it seems!
I’m just back from a second date with K earlier on this evening. This is a girl I mentioned in my 2025 Dating Wrapped as someone I was genuinely quite excited to get to know, something which is pretty rare for me I think.
I was actually kinda dreading the lead-up to today because after over a month of very limited contact (partly because of me being out of the country and partly very low texting because of illness on her part) and just thought it was gonna end up being boring and awkward. It felt like it was a good date though! Maybe not fireworks, but good fun, good chat, made her laugh a few times, generally just seemed to both be having a nice time. And gosh she was so pretty…
Went to ask her for a kiss at the end though and got turned down (despite us kissing on the first date) and then as I walked her to her train I asked if she wanted to meet again and she said she “didn’t know”. Life is very chaotic and busy for her (because of her illness) and so she basically said she wasn’t sure she had the time/space for dating right now. She didn’t say “no” and said she’d text me back to let me know what she’d decided. But I can read the room and I know that this **IS** a “no”. I’ll probably get a text in a few days along the lines of “you’re so nice but…”
This is coming off the back of the “postponed” date with M from Tuesday, which seems increasingly unlikely to happen. So both of the situations I was actually interested in both seem to be slipping away before they got off the ground.
Just par for the course for me at this point I feel.
Not about dating, but about growing apart as friends.
She’s married, off all her meds trying for a baby, lives in a house, doesn’t hurt financially (but sometimes acts like she does, which annoys me). I had to give up an apartment I loved after losing my job, am slowly building back my finances, and have zero luck with dating because the apps don’t work for me.
I think a huge part of it is that I was a *very* different person when I met her (still married to an abuser). We don’t have much in common, I’m realizing. A lot of times, she even asks to bring her husband (who I also know), but I always say no because he’s a massive killjoy. She’s never been upset about that. I don’t think she’s a bad person, but I don’t really enjoy the time we spend together anymore. But I feel morally obligated to continue being friends with her because she was there when I got divorced.
Anyone been in this situation? Any advice?
I just got back in from a pretty successful first date with an older woman. She’s 9 years my senior, which is the biggest gap I’ve experienced so far. I actually went into the date with low expectations and expected it to be a passing of time in fairly neutral company, more a case of wanting to get out of the house, but we had a great time!
We are both of the opinion that we don’t go home with someone on the first date, just a coincidentally shared preference, so it went about as well as it could have in the time frame we shared, had a little make-out, settled into affectionate body language, etc. In the span of several hours, I’ve gone from “let’s get this over with then” to “damn, can’t wait to see her again”.
Someone told me recently that the right person would be put in my path. Which path? Can I get a cross street? What time should I be there?
After being emotionally closed off for quite a while, it’s nice to get a reminder that I’m still able to involuntarily feel attracted to somebody, and I actually want to know that person better even though it might not lead to anything.
boy, I just love planning my birthday get together and including the +1s for 99% of my friends and none for Gretchen Wieners.
I remembered this person who I matched with last year, he really stood out in a negative way, he asked me what kind of work do I do, I explained to him that I’m in a supervisory role and the tasks I have to do, instead of being happy for me, he didn’t really comment afterwards and had this negative expression on his face, it appears to me that he was jealous of my career because he was not in the best place and wasn’t earning a lot.
After the better part of a year on the apps not feeling a single thing for anyone and rejecting everyone after 1-2 dates, I had two awesome first dates in one week! But now I’m not sure these guys are it, either. One is a nice intellectual match but doesn’t share in my outdoorsy lifestyle whatsoever and has a pretty long list of orange flags, too, and is texting me more than I’d like. The other is too outdoorsy in the sense that he seems married to it and is only sharing about that and not trying to get to know me, plus he has a totally disjoint but equally numerous set of orange flags, and is texting me less than I’d like. I had hoped that things would progress with at least one of these guys to break my dry spell because the making out was so wonderful, but now I don’t know. Why is this so difficult?
Men of DOT, who are dating women…do you expect women to initiate dates? If so, at what point?
I (34M) just came out of a 7-year relationship. I’m still sorting through the wreckage trying to figure out what the heck even happened, and I definitely need to work through a few things before I put myself back out there… but once I do, I’m wondering if anyone can point me to the apps they’ve seen the best success with for DOT.
I’m just assuming things have changed since I last had any reason to be on them.
maybe messaging every day made me move too quickly, so i made a rule for myself: don’t.
she said, bro, just be chalant.
i wish i hadn’t. flipping the switch turned fleeting crush feelings into anxiety. messages became long-winded and watertight. did i stop joking, as well? there’s a difference between authentic expression and projecting insecurities. the rule was a good guideline, just needed to remind myself why i needed it.
the next two weeks are blessedly busy for both of us. i’ve got time to figure it out. it’s not austerity for its own sake, i need to focus on the other areas of my life. it’s difficult not to catastrophise until then though.
We went to his workmate’s birthday dinner last night. One of his workmates who left the organisation a while ago told us that she is pregnant, which is good news for them since they wanted a baby. So we congratulate her on the baby news, and apparently we are the first people in the group to know.
My boyfriend and I went outside to get some fresh air and vape. He said he’s really happy for his friend and her partner. I said they would be great parents. One of them works in mental health, and the other is a teacher. My boyfriend said he thinks I’ll be a good mom, too, but it’s gonna be the Asian parent style, with a strict mom and a fun dad. 😅
I just realised that even my long time single friends are now in proper relationships, as well as every single one of my family members. I’ve been feeling really sad and lonely the past few days and everyone I could reach out to has a partner who will always be their main priority before me.
Do you think with the right person, one would feel secure and safe? If you just run anxious normally in romantic situations, do you think that is something that wouldn’t come up if the person was emotionally available and it was a good match?
Men of this subreddit,
I have a question for you. A weird one.
So I am seeing this guy and he acts very differently from the men I used to date / be in relationships with.
I guess 3/4 of my exes were at least to some extent patriarchal, coming from pretty patriarchal countries (me too). At least in the beginning it was clear they were trying to impress me, show their best sides, or what they consider to be their best sides. And overall they were not showing their weak sides. 3/4 never talked about their insecurities, weaknesses.
And now here is this guy who seems to be so unapologetically genuine. Before we met he told me about his darkest story, on the 1st date he told me about his mental health diagnosis. Then he would just feel bad about something about himself and just tell it. He would openly talk about his financial situation. I don’t feel at all like he is trying to impress me, and he seems so comfortable with me. Which makes me wonder: does he even like me? Usually when we like someone we are a bit nervous, no? He just seems so comfortable behaving as if I was his close friend. He was basically all shy before we slept together for the 1st time. And then suddenly now he is someone else. Not shy at all. Just acting super silly (I act so too, but usually it would be just me acting this way and guys would be annoyed). Like after we had sex for the first time, he went to pee and asked me if I want him to close the doors. I was like umm as you want. And he was like ok, coz I don’t close them but if you prefer I will close. He is also super comfortable in his body. Or I would go to the bathroom and he would say “enjoy your poo” and burst out laughing. I mean it was very silly for me to hear too. But then I also wondered does he actually like me as a woman if he acts so comfortably? (This all was like 3rd -6th dates).
Then I don’t know, maybe he is just really a completely different kind of person from my exes? I met his best friend and his best friend was soooo friendly to me, I felt like we know each other for some time, I felt so welcomed. It almost makes me tear up when I think about it. Also when the guy I am dating was in the bathroom, I wanted to change music and his friend basically just told me this guy’s phone password. I was thinking like whattt they are something else.
One of my queer friends told me to try Lex, and while the posts are incredibly sparse where I am, I gave someone a poke and we talked. She would like to meet me next time she is in the area. I can’t get her out of my head. Trying my best not to be clingy.
I re-worded a lot of my dating profile, thoughts welcome: https://imgur.com/a/Sh5Fj83 Thanks 🙂
I thought someone liked me, but now I’m thinking he’s just a friendly person. I wish I could tell the difference.
I wonder if anyone here is in a similar situation to me. I’m a single parent and have been separated from my ex for years now. I’m doing the dating apps (37M) but I hardly ever get any activity on them, and when I do they are typically low quality matches. I have a hard time really motivating myself to go to public places or even try new things and I honestly don’t really have any local friends anymore that are also single. I’d really like to try and be more confident in public. I lost a lot of weight and I try to dress and groom better, but it’s mostly to help me feel good about myself. Any introverts here have success in dating?
My ex ended our 5 year relationship in October 2025, I have not moved on, I’m still very devastated about it and my whole world is upside down right now. I started a new job this week it’s been 5 days and I’ve become very attracted to my boss imagining all sorts of romantic things, literally eye f**cking him all day! I’m shocked at myself! I’m in no position to be feeling like this, I need to heal and I’m really surprised I even feel this kind of attraction to someone so soon whom I barely know as I’m so heartbroken and still in love with my ex
I’m spending so much of my free time talking to a woman who lives in a different country on the phone and over video calls.
Part of me says she is interesting, interested, and beautiful, but part of me also wonders if I tend to seek out hurdles for my own reasons.
If there is a woman like this in my city, then I certainly haven’t ever come across her.
Went out to grab dinner on my own and of course everyone else here is coupled up. At least the food is good as always. But it’s hard not to feel discouraged, I don’t even have anyone to talk to.
My ex texted me today while my current boyfriend and I are rethinking our relationship. What the hell is going on? I can’t handle this much emotional shit all at once.
This week has been crazy. I had to save my dog after he was attacked by another where he nearly almost died and rushed him to the ER which ended in me paying expensive medical bills out of pocket. It left me stressed and a little traumatized, but my dog was wayyy more stressed and traumatized and I’ve been trying my best to make him feel as comfortable, loved, and safe as I can. I ended up being behind on work and my boss kept having to remind me of deadlines as a lot depends on me and my work on the product we’re shipping out to our most important client (we had a slight mishap that’s led to us risking our contract renewal, and the product I work on will hopefully things better, so pressure is on me to keep productivity up), but I also had to drive my dog to and from the hospital all week for multiple surgeries and wound checks, so work obviously took second priority as I had little to no help from anyone. On top of that, I felt a little unsupported, unimportant, and undervalued by my current partner after all that’s happened which I brought up today, and that led to a lengthy two hour discussion on our relationship that left our relationship status up in the air. My ex also texted me out of the blue today.. seemingly interested in new developments in my life on a random weekend when I thought I would just relax. I’m confused if he’s just lonely or what, but it’s been 4 months since we last spoke and almost half a year since we broke up. It was a bad break up — I was crying my eyes out every day for two weeks, but now I don’t feel anything toward him or what we had. I don’t miss him anymore, however I feel uncomfortable about the undetermined state of my current relationship and this old one just randomly popping up, and remembering the pain I once felt for him and how strange the juxtaposition feels of seeing the old boyfriend’s and the new boyfriend’s chat messages next to each other in my inbox. I cried my eyes out in the shower feeling overwhelmed by life and I’m at yet another stage in life where I’m holding on by a strand emotionally. Long story short: Everything sucks but I’m so grateful my dog is alive.