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1. Hetero and Bi ladies: have you found that some guys keep making spontaneous, last minute plans? I mean, I’ll meet one at an event and he’s asking to see me the next day. Or someone from an app asks if we can go out tonight. It’s probably my personality, but I can’t do that sort of thing, even when I’m free (sometimes I’m busy and literally can’t, though). Like, I need to be booked at least a few days in advance, preferably a week 😅. Some nights I just plan on lounging around in pajamas, and just wasn’t mentally prepared to meet up with a stranger.

   I don’t want to miss out on good connections, but I guess if a man can’t wait a few days to see me, then he isn’t for me? I always give them alternative dates, BTW.

2. I am feeling completely heartbroken.  For the last 7 months I was in an LDR with a woman who was going through a divorce, the details of which I only really learned of as the relationship progressed. I felt such a deep, loving, and special connection with her and all of those sentiments were echoed back to me.  I was sold on all kinds of dreams, then this past weekend she just ended things sort of in the blink of an eye.

   As the relationship was progressing I learned that while she had been separated for 5 years, they were still legally married, were still ‘best friends’, and were basically in a sort of platonic domestic partnership and caretaker arrangement.  The ‘ex’ was some off the wall crazy mentally ill alcohol and substance abusing dweeb for whom she felt she had a duty to ‘caretake’.  Apparently this ‘ex’ worked for her dad’s company, and she felt it was her duty to keep him stable so he could keep performing at work and keep from hurting the family business.  Because of this, she did not feel safe telling him about me until she felt like her dad had put safeguards in place at work and that it wouldn’t hurt her dads company.  She had told her dad about me a few months ago and he had initially agreed to prepare his company so she could move forward with breaking the news to the ‘ex’.  So many times shed be spending time with her ‘ex’ and his family that didn’t know about me, so many times wed struggle to find time to schedule visits because she couldn’t let her ‘ex’ find out.  But all the while I was lead to believe that soon we’d be out in the open and I’d be fully integrated into her life.  She kept telling me that our connection was so special and she wanted nothing more than to be with me, and I stupidly believed that as long as we loved each other no challenge would be too great.  Just last week we put down a significant deposit on a trip to celebrate our one year.  Then two days later her dad apparently told her that he doesn’t approve of her relationship and that he would not do anything to prepare his business, and that if she did tell her ‘ex’ about me and he messed up at work it would be all her fault.  Essentially forcing her to choose between me and her family.  For what its worth we’re both almost 40 years old.  So this past weekend she got off the plane for our monthly visit and told me that because her family didn’t approve of me (they never met me), it was over.  The entire time she was crying and swore she loved me and swore she did not want to do this and that she wanted to be with me but that she felt no choice.

   I am utterly devastated.  For 7 months I was sold on this dream only to have it evaporate.  Of course she gave me the usual break up slop of ”timing” and  “my life is too crazy right now and I need to be selfish” and “I cant be in a relationship right now”.  Same shit I’ve heard since I was 14.  To me, if two people love each other they’ll find a way to make it work.  I recognize this whole situation fits a troupe: married person/divorcee meets someone new and feels reignited, imagines a future with them, then when it becomes real and starts colliding with their life and other people, they realize that they aren’t ready for this.  I feel stupid for believing that our love would conquer that.  I know she didn’t intend for this, but I also feel a little used.  Like she relied on me to feel something that helped her with her life situation, only to discard it when it got harder.  I also think it maybe a bit fits the typical anxious-avoidant pattern, with her pulling away as soon as it got more real.

   When it ended I told her I would need a pretty hard and firm no contact, and that if we couldn’t be together then we couldn’t be friends or be in each others lives at all.  This disappointed her, its only been about 24 hours and shes already reached out once telling me she was missing me and that she was struggling with the no contact.  I just don’t know what to do anymore.  If she was willing to reconcile I absolutely would (with some assurances), but otherwise Im going to stick to no contact and just sit in the shit. 

   Tl;dr: Intense LDR with a divorcee that sold me on promises of a future only for it to evaporate when it got more real.  Plus all kinds of other crap involving crazy ex and dysfunctional family. No contact now.

3. Guy I dated this spring for 2 months gave me a “super swipe” on JSwipe. My profile was inactive/not discoverable until 3 weeks ago, so unfortunately I do believe it’s a recent swipe.

   I can’t tell if it’s:
   – “hey, someone I know!” trying to be friendly? I’ve heard of folks swiping right on people they know in real life on apps. I personally don’t get this but alright lol
   – “I wonder if she’s still interested, let me send this and see how she responds” – he hasn’t texted me, we haven’t spoken since he broke it off with me this spring.
   – My friend made the funny, sad, but not dismissible point that maybe he didn’t realize it was me. I go by another name on Tinder (where we first matched) and this is JSwipe. But, 3 of my 6 pictures on JSwipe are the same ones he saw on my Tinder, where we are still matched. In my current pictures on JSwipe, there’s even a picture of me in front of a large mirror in my bedroom – he’s been in my apartment, would he really forget my apartment?

   Regardless, I am more annoyed than anything that I am sitting here and even thinking about the motivation for this “super swipe” because I shouldn’t be caring at all, lol. But regardless!

4. He was in my dream for two nights in a row – is my subconscious trying to tell me something?

5. I requested cowboy cookies from my mom and told her she couldn’t say no because I’m heartbroken. She of course pulled through and I’ve eaten an ungodly amount of cookies, so you could say the breakup healing is on track.

   Date tonight with the guy moving away in July – the perfect rebound, as my friends say. I’m not sure we’d date under other circumstances as we have very different lifestyles but I’m willing to go out and see what there is to see. He’s funnier than I initially took him for which I value in a partner as I like to have fun. I’m not closing the door to the situation but I’m skeptical that it will work out as we have really only a proximity bonus and a shared desire not to get too entangled going for us right now.

6. How do you feel about people asking about your ethnicity?

   A guy asked me how long I’d lived in the UK. He moved from India so I understand the question was worded based on his experiences. I was born here, which I was happy to tell him. He’s since asked three more times about my ethnicity and heritage.

   I volunteer that information in person when it comes up naturally. So I’m fine answering when he asks the questions but I think it’s weird that he’s asked so much about it over the course of two dates and some messages.

7. Just as I was about to completely stop dating and become a monk in the mountains, I went on one more first date and now we have a second date planed for this weekend. 

   I’m trying to balance being excited and keeping my expectations low 

8. Being an honest open and consistent dating in todays scene is torture at times BUT always acting with integrity and never letting my values drop is such a great test of how healed I really am. I feel the pull to respond like an asshole like the Green Goblin Mask whispering to me sooo much but I stay on this high road 😩

9. And then there were three (matches, that is after re-starting my swiping last week).

   I have a date on Thursday with a woman who it turns out lives one block away from me. This could be very convenient, or very inconvenient going forward.

   edit: She just messaged again and apparently us being basically neighbors was only a surprise to me. Hah, starting to sound like I’m either oblivious, or she has been peeking out her window at me.

10. Feeling pretty good about the advice I got here yesterday so thank you all for putting in your thoughts!

    Overall, even though I had two really great dates this weekend. I am still feeling really alone. I do miss my late partner and I know it’s holiday season/birthday depression making it worse.

    Throwing myself in to work the next few days to try to distract myself

11. I almost Fell in a scam on tinder haha a guy convinced me to download Binance. And was very insistent for me to do só.. he would make me invest in some crypto. Not sure which one because I blocked him afterwards. Be aware haha has anyone been through something like this too?

12. Didn’t make it to the speed dating event (went to sign up and signups were closed) BUT I went to a free event with a FB singles group and made some new friends so that’s nice😊.

13. After about four days of unceasing, freezing rain, the sun is finally shining again!

    I keep having to remind myself that I have nowhere to be (romantically) because I always feel like rushing into the next thing (finding the next date, getting to the next match, whatever) so that I can be *done*.

    But the reality is that I may never be done being single. This might just be life, and I shouldn’t be rushing it. So I’m trying to take a beat, and then another, and just let myself be a little uncomfortable (and it *is* a little uncomfortable) existing at rest. Not actively pursuing anything romantic with anyone. It makes everything is a little less thrilling, but maybe that calm is what my system needs right now.

    I don’t know. I’m just making it up as I go.

14. Better late than never – have my first success story of 2025.

    Matched on the apps. Great conversation right away. Two weeks of texting, phone calls, and FaceTime.

    First date lasts all weekend. Second weekend she goes to my work Christmas party with me. Tough situation to throw her into but she was a champ. Friendly, engaging, playful with all these strangers. Nobody had a bad word to say about her.

    We are compatible on so many levels. I’m feeling happy and optimistic.

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17. Anyone enjoy the process of finding dates and then dating? The emotional roller coaster makes me want to quit 😭. Fuck

18. How would you feel if a current partner revealed that they have texted an ex from a couple of years ago on Snapchat? It seems the messages were only to catch up every couple of months, but this ex cheated on the current partner. The current partner voiced hurt before from this cheating but apparently still catching up with the cheater ex is fine?

    I feel like it isn’t appropriate and a show of a bad boundary, and my friend (the one in the relationship) feels the same way. However, my friend feels that, because the last message between them was a couple of months before her and the current partner started dating, it should be OK. Given the timeline my friend shared, the current partner was messaging the ex on Snapchat during his last relationship (so the ex being messaged was the one before his last relationship) so it still feels weird. My friend was shown the messages and shared they were just life updates, but idk with disappearing messages on Snapchat if that can be trusted. The messages shown to my friend were all check-ins started by the ex

19. Has anyone had a first date text them after the 24-hr window? Do people still wait?

20. Recently met a really cool girl, we share the same niche interests, our conversations were awesome, and today she said she’s still trying to process the breakup with her ex, so I cut things off. It sucks, I feel disappointed and discouraged. She seemed awesome and I really got my hopes up.

21. What is your quirky minor annoyance that you feel weird/silly about communicating to a new person?

    I hate when people touch me while I’m eating.

22. Do you guys have any petty things that turn you off from someone?

    I’m quite frugal, so I don’t feel I’d get along with someone who spends excessively. Even things like getting food delivery or coffee out multiple times a week turns me off. Just a lifestyle incompatibility, nothing wrong with the person or their behavior

    Talked to a girl recently who said she bought some Haley Bieber smoothie at that expensive LA grocery store (unironically, like she really wanted to get this), just something that made me go 😬

23. Hi everyone,

    I’ve been a long time lurker, turned commenter, even shared a few stories. I’ve been gone for a year but I’m back to say, Thank you to everyone and the community. Sharing our stories, offering advice, and different perspectives has helped me out a lot during my dating journey. I got to see through my own experiences and reading through others’ stories what I was doing right and getting wrong in dating. Thank you to everyone that held me accountable and gave kind advice, either to me or our fellow community members.

    I’m happy to announce that I’m engaged!

24. Well. Fuck. Six weeks into something with him, and he tells me a childhood friend moved back to town and asked him out, and they apparently have a history that he’s somehow unable to say no to her??? So he’s ending it with me to go all in with her.

    All the emotions are running through me right now–I feel sick, exhausted, beyond heartbroken, and so angry. In the past year-ish, I had a thing with someone who was using me to cheat on his girlfriend (that I had no idea about at the time) and ghosted me, was seeing a guy who got too busy/overwhelmed with work to keep our LDR going, and now a guy who decided to just end things with me because the past showed up and he’s too fucking weak to say no.

    And to top it all off, I can’t just process this through the evening and rest of the week because I have a commitment every evening this week. So I get the couple hours between work and the evening to sit with this pit in my stomach before putting on a mask.

    I really don’t want to become bitter about finding someone, because there’s gotta be someone out there, but this all hurts so much.

25. Hello, i am writing here for some encouragement to gain the confidence to reach out to a man i matched with who i really liked, but who i did not reply to for a few days (not on purpose at all, my headspace just wasnt in the apps). We matched two weeks ago, chatted a bit, one week ago i saw he was gone. Been thinking about this for days. I’d love to reach out on IG (i remember his name, Sweden is a small country), but i am not sure how to reach out in a charming way, it feels a bit intensive to look him up. I am building confidence as we speak. Thanks alot

26. OOPS. Chatting with a lady I met on hinge that I’ve been seeing for less than 2 months. It’s going exceedingly well.

    Randomly mentioning that I was looking at concert dates for a bucket list/nostalgic band we both were talking about that’s taking place in a country next door to us. It’s all the way in freakin July. It will sell out. It would be INSANE to get tickets for us for this show and propose an international trip in a brand new relationship. Completely unhinged.

    Then she hit me with a “…..should we….?” And it was all over. So yeah, guess we’re going. This may indeed be cursed but I’m shutting off the logical part of my brain just once and letting the romantic part drive.

    She was so stoked when I matched her insanity of suggesting this so it’s actually been worth it so far but wish me luck. If this blows up in my face I will post an update for sure lol but something something journey not destination.

27. I had an intense 6 month fling last year with what I later learned was the most avoidant woman I’ve ever met in my life! Anyway she tries come back around a lot (to dip out) but I’m a hard ass and don’t give much room. I do enjoy her absolute steadfast inability to ever talk about anything of note or any of the tons of unsaid history we have.

    Just got another non-sequitur type of text earlier that was a link to some song then when I didn’t reply “sorry I only send out of context messages I would like to know how you’re doing I always wonder”. Notice there’s no apology or explanation for why, or an actual clear “how are you?”. Because if I reply to that with good faith, she’s one hundred percent not going to reply for two months lol 

28. I have someone that I matched with almost two weeks ago, but i haven’t sent a message yet. I am interested in her but took a hiatus from the apps at thanksgiving so now it feels like it’s too late and probably comes across like a second option. Should I bother?