I love my wife. I really love my wife. We had the dumbest damn argument last night about my hair. For context, I’ve always had thin hair. I was bullied about it in elementary school and all through high school. I was bullied for a lot more but that’s neither here nor there.

Now that brings us to today. I’m self conscious about the way my hair looks. I’ve wanted to just shave it off and I’ve talked about it with my wife and she’s says she loves my hair. It’s been a point of contention and a few months ago I shaved it off. Not bald but pretty close to the skin. She hated it and would make comments like “I can’t wait till it grows back” or “ooooh your hair is growing back. I love it!”

It’s one of the things that she actually finds most attractive about me. So yesterday I was at the grocery store and caught the top of my head in the self checkout video and was pretty friggin horrified. Now I’m 6’2 and she’s 5’4 and it’s kind of an out of sight out of mind thing for her. She doesn’t see it but I do and it’s a knock to my self esteem every time.

She could tell after the grocery store that I wasn’t in the best mood and she asked me what was wrong and I told her. She seemed to be annoyed and I asked her what her issue was and she told me that she felt is was a segue into me talking about shaving my head again. I told her no I was just telling her how I feel because she asked. We argued for a few minutes. Not a drag out fight or anything but we went to bed angry.

I just don’t think she understands. Her experience was vastly different from mine in school. She was and still is an intelligent beautiful blonde. People gravitate towards her. She was popular in school. I got asked to senior prom as a fucking joke.

How do I come to a compromise with my wife where I can feel better about myself but she can also be happy as well? I’m at a loss here. I realize that in the scheme of things, this is probably one of the top 10 dumbest arguments that a married couple could have but here we are.

1st 3 pics are what it looks like now. Last 2 are what I looked like with a shaved head.


34 comments

  2. Are you allowed to have any input on her hair? Its your hair and you should do what makes you feel best. Same goes for her

  3. Shave it brother! It should have nothing to do with her…bodily autonomy goes both ways. Looks better shaved as well (from one head shaving straight guy to another)

  4. This sounds real similar to when a man makes “his woman” keep her hair long. That’s possessive and not healthy.

    She’s allowed to have an opinion, she’s not allowed to control you. Tell her that it makes you happy, you are doing it, and she needs to knock off the unnecessary comments. At this point you don’t shave your head, your wife doesn’t make comments and you are unhappy. Or you shave your head, your wife makes comments and you are still unhappy. Do what makes YOU happy.

  5. I don’t really have an answer but I can empathize in a way. I’ve had a beard for the majority of my relationship with my wife, and over the past couple of years the grey hair has really ramped up. Suddenly I’m catching my reflection when I’m out and realize that my ‘grey’ beard is actually more white than anything else. Hell I had a kid walk up to me when I was picking up my son from school and asked “Whose grandpa are you?” FYI I’m 42 years old. I would really like to shave it off at some point, but my wife is adamant that I absolutely not do that at all, apparently ever. I kind of understand, it would be a pretty dramatic shift in appearance, but I’m personally not ready to walk around looking like Santa.

    FWIW I think ‘shaved’ looks good, but I keep my hair tightened up most of the time.

  6. My husband is growing his hair out, and I hate it. I don’t mind telling him because I know if I chopped my hair short, he’d hate it.

    I know if I really truly asked him to cut it, he would. He knows if he really truly were hurt by my side comments about how he should cut his hair, I’d drop it. I can totally see both perspectives here, but I’d say you guys need to sit down and be vulnerable with each other. If it’s causing tension, it might be about more to her than just the hair, and maybe for you too.

  7. Show her these comments and close this case. Tell her you love the way you look with it short/shaved and she shouod be happy for you.

  8. I mean i like my husband with hair too but he says it makes him hot and buzz cuts it every few months. Doesnt make me mad. Its his head.

  9. She can have her preferences but at the end of the day it’s your body. She needs to knock it off.

  10. Bald with a nice beard are always classic combos.

    I’m thinning myself, will eventually have to go bald.

    Try growing the beard !

  11. You can get a prescription from a dermatologist to regrow the thinned hair now a days. I would just do that since it’s effecting you so much mentally. 

  12. It looks better shaved. Same thing is happening with my husband and I hope he lets me shave it when the time comes.

  13. Looks good short but I’d go to a better barber to line you up and blend the sides. Looks like you did it yourself

  15. I typically dislike the whole if the shoe was on the other foot adage but…. sounds very controlling. Wouldn’t she want you to feel your best?

  16. So what I’m hearing is… Your wife thinks that you are hot exactly the way you are.

  17. Maybe try going to a barber to get it shortened? Like a fade and stuff, maybe she’d be more down with it if it wasn’t just a buzz. I mean, you should be able to do what you want, but obviously in a marriage there *are* two people so it could be a good middle ground. You get short hair, but you get it don’t professionally so it’s still nice! Or sit her down and tell her all of this in a serious setting, and talk to her about picking a shorter haircut out together (maybe find a few cuts you like and show her examples)

  19. Both of you need to follow r/bald for a while. The smiles and confidence of people who take the plunge make it one of the happiest places on the internet. I always secretly thought my husband shaved his head a little too soon, but seeing those photos pop up in my feed made me realize I got it all wrong.

  21. As a wife of someone who had thinning hair when we got together, I remember this same back and forth with my husband. I hated when he first decided to go all bald because it was a big change. Now I love it and can barely remember when he had hair. Maybe she just needs time to adjust. At the end of the day it is *your* body, I wouldn’t want my husband dictating how I do my hair.

  22. It’s your hair, do what you want with it. It looks way better shaved, but there’s a lot of products on the market now that can address thinning hair, especially the hair pattern thinness you have.

    You can look into the daily pill offered by hims or locklab to see if that helps and grow it back out after you use results.

  24. It looks way better shaved. My husband is bald and it was a bit of a learning curve to get use to it but I think he looks amazing. Now, I don’t think spouses should just change up their looks without getting input from the other but this seems like a real confidence issue for you and you deserve to feel good about yourself. If shaving your head will do that I think you should. If your wife is your forever person she will get use to it and it won’t matter long term.

  25. Honestly the shaved head looks sexy. You have a nicely shaped head, so it suits you.
    It’s your choice ultimately, and I’d say go with what makes you feel confident. Your wife needs to learn that you are also aging, and your hair is not going to get any thicker as you age. You prefer it shaved. And she needs to respect your choice, and support it. She doesn’t have to love it, but she HAS TO respect it. If the tables were turned, she would not like this treatment.

  26. Just to lighten the mood, my husband and I once had such a big argument about Go Fish, that I left. He was wondering around crying for like two hours before he finally found me in the van taking a nap.

  27. I feel like, as a wife, she should be supportive of your decisions within reason. It’s YOUR hair, and it makes you feel more comfortable and more confident having it shorter. She may not like it, but she shouldn’t be selfish and tell you not to have it like that for her own benefit. I would rather my husband be happy and confident in himself than miserable listening to me to make ME happy. I think you should just go to a barber and get it how you want. If she gets mad, so what? Tell her you’re not gonna argue about it and thats it.

  28. My bf and I were in your situation. He hates his hair when it grows longer so he shaves his head, and I like his longer hair. I realised extremely quickly that he was serious and I never pressured him into growing out his hair, it makes him really unhappy and I don’t want to see him unhappy.

    Your wife needs a realitycheck

  29. It’s one thing for her to express that she loves your hair being longer but it’s another to make you feel bad and pressure you to not shave it. It’s your body and your happiness. I’d have a serious talk about how invalidating and stressful it is for you to not have autonomy over your body. You deserve that ♡.

    My husband has the same problem and although I like him to have some hair, he is free to shave or not shave his head! I love him no matter what, as long as he is happy.

  30. It’s YOUR hair and YOUR insecurity. If you truly can’t get over it, it’s ridiculous that she doesn’t care since she can’t see what you see. Shave your head and be bald, she will get over it if the love is real

  31. she’s allowed to have opinions, but she’s in no way allowed to control what you do with your hair, or your body in general. i also don’t think her comments are appropriate tbh, even if it isn’t *outright* controlling. i’m sorry you’re dealing with this and i hope you can shave your head in peace.

  32. Looks so much better shaved and is easier!! Shave it even closer on top actually, channel Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Woody Harrelson. You need to have a heart to heart with her that this is the effect of aging on your body and imagine if you had a hang up about one of her physical attributes that was changing and she wasn’t allowed to have full control over how she presented herself. It’s not fair and she’ll have to just get used to it. I think if you just continue to rock it with confidence then she’ll get used to it and start to love it too.

    Edit to add – I’m a hairstylist of nearly 20 years and am also married to a man who’s changing right alongside me every day just like you guys

  33. 1) it looks objectively better shaved

    2) Why on earth does she care so much about how your hair looks? I find that extremely weird.

    3) Can you grow a beard? Some women (me included) love a bald man with a beard.

  34. Your body your choice. Shave your head if you want to.

    Chances are she’s doing a “I love your hair” thing that is a little bit disingenuous because she knows it’s something you see as a shortcoming so she’s trying to build you up.

    Tell her “you’re sorry” but this is the way it’s going to be. It’s not her decision and she’ll learn to love you bald.

    Also if you want my input, just keep it shaved bald.

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