I’m mid 30s. To be clear, I’m not thinking about self harm or anything. Everything just seems like shit. Food doesn’t taste great, music is lame, video games are dumb, work is stupid (oh great, I saved some wealthy guy enough on his taxes to buy a house, good for him).

I’m not exactly where I want to be in life, but I have an amazing significant other, we have an amazing house, I have a retirement account (nothing huge, but I’m 20 years, combined, I should be able to retire). I know things could be way worse because I’ve been there before. I just don’t know what’s next.

Kinda stuck in a rut, I do not know what’s next and just reaching out to other people like me so I can figure out what the fuck is going on with me.


29 comments

  2. You’re depressed and bored. Go see a therapist and start new hobbies. Also keep trying to do old hobbies.

  3. Sounds like you need a hobby. Video games only do so much, and then they stop.  

    See if your town has a sport and social club and then try a new one every season.

  4. Find your passion. Sounds like you’ve got all the really important things figured out! Go explore and try new shit. Try things that seem stupid. 

    I got ditched by a girl I liked last min and my buddy had just invited me to go rock climbing moments before she called. I thought the whole thing just sounded really dumb. But I didn’t want to sit around and just be bummed, so I ran outside and his car was still in the driveway and I went.

    Fifteen years later and is still my favorite thing to do with my clothes on! 

    Community is important too. And try to find something you enjoy that helps people. Feeling connected and useful is huge for mental health.

    And everyone seems to think it’s bullshit these days but some kind of spiritual practice is huge. 

    Also it sounds like you have depression. If you’ve felt like this for longer than six months I’d say it’s time to talk to a therapist!

  5. I know it’s cliche but go to the gym, it gets your endorphins and hormones kicking again, and it’ll make you feel better on a day to day basis.

  6. Get a change of scenery. Find a weekend getaway and where you catch a buzz via drinking and/or smoking (if that’s your thing) with your spouse and try to inject a little fun in your life.

    Listen to me. You have reliable income and a spouse you rate as “awesome”. You’re in the top 5% of kicking ass at life so don’t spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself. I’ve been in this exact position. All I can say it’s it’s easy to forget to have fun.

    Also any hobbies? Mine have been cooking and music for a long time. Both have been great as diversions and to expand the social circle which never gets easier as you age, at least until you’re 70+ and ready for a retirement community.

  7. Sounds similar to me, kind of stuck in the mundane. Nothing wrong with life per se but also not feeling much purpose, this time of year also adds extra pressure with needing to fix it for next year just around the corner.

    I’m getting into new hobbies but stuff like community involvement is probably key. Just getting old enough that we need to start helping others in lesser situations. Good luck finding that!

  9. Been there, done that. It passes, but there are ways to speed the passage.

    Your life is too comfortable. Introduce some challenges, take on a project with your wife, basically anything that pushes you and requires teamwork. You’ll be right in no time.

  10. You might be depressed but everything you said is true.
    Food does taste like shit because quality dropped. But that doesn’t stop you trying out better food in better restaurants.
    Music got plain and sexualized. You could just listen something not mainstream.
    Video games got boring due to the extreme micro transactions and lack of quality. Play different games. As much as I hate the new games, there are gems found occasionally

  11. Tbh it sounds like you need a change up. New routine, new hobby, new experiences.

    If you and the SO are into trying new foods then start doing that in your area. Experiment with different foods and restaurants. If you like travel then start traveling on day trips on the weekends to areas around you that seem interesting. If you like international travel then maybe consider it if you’re not dealing with the current mayhem at the airports in parts of the US.

    I know I really enjoy my fragrance and sneaker hobbies. Might sound juvenile but I’ve always enjoyed sneakers and colognes so I always am on the lookout to try new stuff that’s out there.

    I enjoyed BBQ as a hobby for a while but it’s been forever since I’ve done it because meat has gotten expensive here.

    Doing everything right will feel boring after a while so you have to add the stuff that will enhance your life experiences. Not all will be good but that’s why they’re worth doing because it leads to learning about yourself.

  15. I was/sorta still am in your position. What’s kept me motivated lately is that I’ve got a little girl on the way and I’ve been committed pretty heavily into sports again, mainly basketball. It was my passion growing up but injuries derailed that so now that I’ve got money and access to a good court I’ve been living it up in a way. I’m talking full on training for basketball “committed”. Obviously I’m not trying to land a scholarship or anything at 35 (lol) but the competition, the challenge of playing younger and more talented guys, and just sweating like crazy for a solid 2-2.5 hrs every other day has really given me a spark.

    All this to say—find something that you’re passionate about and can have true fun doing. Activities involving sweat, activities sparking your imagination, activities challenging your patience, etc. I know life can be boring as hell sometimes but we have to disconnect and do things that make us feel “something” otherwise we start drifting further and further away from being able to find that something

  16. Lots of good advice, but I’ll chuck this in as it’s helped me in the past:
    Find a way to help others. There’s not much meaning in life (outside of our relationships) once you get past the ‘I’ve got enough to survive and every day isn’t a battle’.
    Helping others through volunteerism can be really rewarding. Can’t find a reason to get up in the morning? Go help others.

  17. This is so normal. It’s the first twinkling of a midlife crisis. It’s too early for the convertible sports car, but your likely next statement might be….”the good lord did not mean for us to just work and pay bills till death”. Just know we have all been where you are. This is temporary. For me at that time I made a goal and focused my efforts on that till it was achieved.

  19. Do you get enough bro time?

    Do you do anything fun outside of work and family life with your significant other?

    Whens the last time you went on an adventure somewhere new?

  20. Perhaps you need meaning in your life. Some find it in religion or spiritual discovery. Others in adding value to others by volunteering. Team participation is also a path.

  22. “Everything just seems like shit. Food doesn’t taste great, music is lame, video games are dumb” this is textbook depression symptoms. 90% chance you’re not sleeping well yeah?

    I fucking hate that this is true but here we are: do some exercise. Cardio for anxiety, weights for depression, might as well hit both though.

    See if there’s ways to avoid burnout at work, try and stay in contact with your friends even though you probably don’t see the point of doing things.

    Talk to your doctor about antidepressants. They’re not for everyone but for some folk they make a huge difference.

  25. You seem to have a good life. Just get some recipes for new interesting food and start building competence for a more interesting job. Spend time outdoors and preferably on the water or in the mountains. In a few years when you have a great job, get some kiddos

  26. Golf. Or tennis. Or something. Do something. Something you can invest energy in. Then talk to a professional.

  27. Do you and your boyfriend not get outside and do things together? Does he not like going on walks or anything? Congratulations on your viewpoint on video games, put them on Facebook marketplace and sell them. As an adult most of us don’t play those things. Find something for you to do with your boyfriend. Take him on a cruise start a gym membership, put some focus into your life and your viewpoint will change

  28. Sounds like you need a hobby at the very least, and possible find something to do workwise that gives you fulfillment, not just a paycheck.

    I realize that I am very lucky to have found something I am passionate about and make a good living off of it. I would wish the same for everyone.

    Even if you can’t do that, you can always find a hobby to fill that passion or meaning. Who knows, it might evolve into something sustainable and can pay the bills.

  29. motorcycle

    unfortunately there is nothing else you can do other than finding another hobby and get addicted, and then time flies. just dont do drugs sort of

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