My bf (M25) and I (F20) have been dating for 5 months. It wasnt easy since we started dating.
My parents do not allow me to have a relationship until I graduate and have a fulltime job, I’m currently in my last year of uni and working part time.
I’ve done online dating but I’m done with it and now looking for someone to actually have a relationship and settle down. So I went on dating apps since I can’t really meet people outside uni like bars etc because of my strict parents.
We hit it off immediately and answered him yes on our first date. He’s my fist irl bf and I’m his second gf (he dated his ex not more than a year as she’s only using him and wont be intimate with him who’s love language is physical). On our second date, he introduced me to his family and they warmly welcomed me.
Ever since then, I go to his house once or twice a week to hang out, and sometimes go out and explore new places. One time my parents caught us at a park and immediately called me to go home. They were so angry and said if I wanna get married I’m free to do so as long as I moved out, (they believe that having a relationship = move out/marriage = sex = baby = no future since I have to take care of the kid and wont build my career and enjoy my youth). However I denied that he’s my bf and we moved on.
Still seeing him and things I noticed is that he’s emotionally unstable? He get depressed and anxiety alot. And when he’s in this state, he won’t take a call from anyone. Which I understand but wished that at least he could tell me that he needed time and not left me worried sick for day. Also when he’s emotional, he’s heart spike and been into ambulance because of it for not more than 5 since we dated.
Another thing is that, he have problems in life such as debt, visa, enrollment as he wants to study again, irresponsible flatmats, missing his family as they are away (family oriented guy) and his work place since plenty of his workmates takes him for granted and are racist. So that kinda make him more prone to/make depression and anxienty worse.
On the otherhand, I told my parents about us, and again got mad however they gave me 2 option this time; 1) forget about him, grafuate and get full time job, and enjoy my youth till I’m old enough to get married (around age 28, since that’s the age my brother got married), 2) be with my bf and move out, I also won’t have contact with my parents.
I choose option 1, and what I am seeing right now is that both of us needs to work on something for ourselves and best for us to break up. However this is not final yet as I’m still seeking for advice and thoughts on my situation.
TL;DR my bf and I have been dating for 5 months, and we both need to work on something for ourselves, should we break up or not?
4 comments
I personally think that you shouldn’t be dating, as your parents still have a lot of influence over you.
You only get one life don’t let your parents control it. You want to be with your bf be with him, don’t want to be with him then don’t be but make sure it’s you that makes the decision not your parents.
It does indeed sound like, for reasons that aren’t exactly fair, neither of you are in a good spot to be dating right now. I might say if this relationship was extraordinarily healthy for you it might be worth trying to find a way to continue, but it sounds both challenging and not super rewarding. You should kindly break up with your boyfriend, some version of “I’m not ready to be in relationship right now” will work, then focus on moving out of your parents’ in the next couple of years when you graduate, then make your own decisions about who to date and with what goals in mind for the relationship.
your parents are fucking stupid. think with your own head