Throwaway.
To start off my girlfriend who I’ll call Jen is absolutely convinced he has no interest in her because he doesn’t talk to her and laughed at the notion that he likes her.
Thing is though he stares at her *a lot*.
Jen is a school receptionist and he’s a teacher, whenever I ask about her day at work it seems that he spends a lot of time in reception, like she’ll joke that they should charge him for the amount of tea/coffee he comes to make or the amount of printing/copying he does.
Well on Tuesday I had a day off and because we live within walking distance when Jen asked me to bring her migraine medication, I went to drop it off at reception and there’s the teacher stood in the doorway talking to the other reception girls but looking at Jen.
Later that day because she finishes earlier than him and because she was feeling better we went for a walk to enjoy the rare sunshine (joy’s of the UK lol) she changed into this beautiful blue and white short cotton dress. Well as we’re strolling back home Jen is chatting away and I see this car pulling on to the road we’re on, it drives slowly and that’s when I saw that it was the teacher…he was looking at her and smiling! Like openly leaning over and smiling, she didn’t notice.
She once mentioned that the only times she remembers him saying anything to her was walking home from the shop when he was leaving (the shop is opposite the school) she heard someone say “goodbye” and when she looked up (was looking at her phone) it was his car speeding off.
I don’t mean this to sound bad but Jen is usually completely oblivious when it comes to being checked out by guys, she’s a beautiful woman with a great figure so it happens a lot but she never seems to notice whilst everyone else does, example…I had to openly tell her that I was flirting with her when we were first getting to know eachother because she thought I was just being polite.
Now I won’t lie, this guy is physically fit and attractive, the other reception girls go giddy for him apparently.
It bothers me not because I think she’ll leave me and run off with him but to me he is clearly interested in her on some level, probably physically seeing as he doesn’t actually talk to her and I guess it’s the idea that he might see her in some sexually appealing way.
I’m not the only one that has picked up on this though, a friend who is a parent of a kid at the school has in the past commented that he looks at her a lot.
The fact that he doesn’t talk to her is also pretty damn weird to me.
So I Jen right and this guy is not interested? Am I right and he is? Am I being weirdly paranoid?
EDIT;
Seeing as Jen was assaulted by the “nice” delivery guy in November (who has since been fired) I will stay vigilant when it comes to odd behaviour of men towards her.
Thanks for the zero amount of help offered though, top notch work!
Tldr; girlfriends colleague stares at her a lot, she thinks he’s not interested, I think he is.
11 comments
What does it matter if he is? Like you think your girl is ugly and nobody would be interested or something? If she’s not interested and you’re not worried she’ll cheat then who cares?
Nothing from your post indicates, that he’s interested in her or has a crush on her. Like, he simply says hi, bye, uses the office for copying and making tea/coffee. He doesn’t even try to initiate any conversations with her.
But even if he did have a crush, then what? Your girlfriend barely notices him. So, what would you do with that info, that he has a crush?
What would it matter even if he was into her? Do you think if he has a crush on her, your wife is just going to leave you for him?
Who cares? Unless you think he is a danger to her, what does it matter what is going on in his head? It’s none of your business and none of Jen’s. There’s always a chance that somebody who sees you or her is going to be attracted to one or both of you. Somebody might have a random crush on either of you. As long as it isn’t actually leading to actions that are a problem, it’s irrelevant. It’s just part of life.
It doesn’t matter if you’re right. Harping on this and arguing with your GF is disrespectful.
She’s entitled to her judgment. She has more information than you do and has lived longer in the world as an attractive woman. She’s in no danger. No professional boundaries have been crossed. If this guy *thinks* she’s sexy, privately in his own head, that is not a problem with a solution. That is not even really a problem, except inside your head.
You don’t have to like this guy. You don’t have to agree with your GF’s take on the situation even (although you do need to respect it). You do have to get a grip on your own insecurities and stop making this utter non-problem, a problem your GF has to somehow figure out how to solve for you.
What are you doing to manage your insecurity and anxiety?
You sound weirdly paranoid. You never look at people and think “they are pretty and I like looking at them, but they are married and too old for my tastes?” What’s the worst that could happen? It’s a good thing he doesn’t talk to her.
I don’t understand, why does it matter either way? People get crushes, who cares. If you trust your gf then it’s a non-issue. If not, then why are you still together?
>Later that day because she finishes earlier than him and because she was feeling better we went for a walk to enjoy the rare sunshine (joy’s of the UK lol) she changed into this beautiful blue and white short cotton dress. Well as we’re strolling back home Jen is chatting away and I see this car pulling on to the road we’re on, it drives slowly and that’s when I saw that it was the teacher…he was looking at her and smiling! Like openly leaning over and smiling, she didn’t notice.
I’m sorry. Am I the only person who read this part?
That’s extremely creepy that he’s following them in his car.
OP, that passive aggressive “she was assaulted by another guy, that’s why I’m worried” addition is not OK. You do not get to guilt trip and act victim and add assault as extra info when it wasn’t in your post initially. That’s just manipulative.
Let Jen take the lead. This is her workplace and her issue to manage. If she isn’t asking for your support, let it go.