Me and my spouse are on a weekend getaway for a course. We have been out of the lovey dovey stage for a while, but we aren’t currently fighting.
This is our first night away without the kids, and the first time we’ve shared a bed without anyone else in it.
There’s been no intimate touch, nothing. My husband asked me what’s wrong because I mentioned something and got upset at it earlier in the day, I’m just so full of resentment that I’m not doing anything to go out of my way to be lovey dovey, but him as a man hasn’t done anything. He said I haven’t said much to him, and yeah I haven’t, in my mind he needs to work extra hard to win back my love and affection but he isn’t doing any of that and he sees this as me being distant and cold.
Anytime our bodies touch in bed we instinctively retract. Foot arm whatever. Have any other couples gone through phases like this and came out okay? The only reason I ask is because usually when I reach this stage in previous relationships, I considered them over and moved on. But I’m married in this one and we just closed on a new house. I’m effing stuck.
For the city I’m in, it’s unthinkable to have anything less than a spectacular time. Also, due to religious beliefs we don’t drink, but I start to question religious law when clearly a drink may have helped break the ice and actually helped us. I’m so over everything. Doing it all how you’re supposed to and getting completely fkcd results.
5 comments
Y’all need to talk. You can start by showing him this post.
You need to try. Someone needs to break the ice.
Drop the resentment I know right now sounds hard to do but you’re married to him and you love him. Drop it kiss him tell him to also quit acting like a child and be an adult, have fun, be silly and make use of your free time away from the kids. It really is as simple as that.
If this is really the first time you’ve been alone in a bed together for a while, it makes perfect sense you’d be having intimacy issues. You’ve conditioned each other to think about the bed as a non-romantic setting, that’s hard to turn off. It definitely sounds like you need to communicate with each other, but maybe initiate something in another place, like hop into the shower with him. One of the best things about a weekend getaway is you can be adventurous!
Have you told him that you expect him to work extra hard to convince you to get over your resentment and desire to leave him?
Because that might be useful information for him to have.