How do you manage fitness / appearance, whilst raising kids, managing career, and having less energy?

44 comments

1. I have some weights at home and I go to the gym after they go to bed (2000-2100 usually).

2. Bike to work.

3. You need to stop eating unhealthy. You need to wake up early to train – weight training specifically. You’re a father and a husband now – the burden is high. If not for your wife/child, be the good strong father/husband/citizen to your community. Expand on specifics – salary, what other things, lack of time so that we all here can get a better understanding of your specific situation.

4. You just gotta squeeze it in where you can.

   I have a gym at work, and get about 30 minutes of lifting or running done during my lunch.

   I have a sidewalk outside my apartment and a squat rack in my shed. I will often sneak in 30-60 minutes after the kids are asleep, or if i suddenly get a free hour during the evening.

   If there are no other options, i will wake up early and go to the gym before work, or just go really late before bed.

   One of my kids has BJJ practice that lasts for 45 minutes. Its far enough away that it doesnt make sense for me to go back home before he is done, so i often spend those 45minutes going for a run , or doing bodyweight training at the nearby playground.

   Having a wife that understands exercise is important for me is also huge. We both do our share of household chores, we both do our best to make sure the other person gets a few hours a week to do personal stuff like lifting, working on personal projects, etc.

   Generally speaking, you have to both actively look for time, and for ways to make time for it.

5. Its just part of my day now. Its been so long I cant imagine not going to the gym 5 times a week. It helps that our gym has a creche but not sure if its common where you are.

6. You have to lower your expectations and realize that doing something is better than nothing. The extreme demands of children loosen up some after a few years and people tend to rediscover their groove when the storm clouds pass

7. Only way I have been able to manage it recently has been lifting on my lunch. Family and cleaning has been getting the evenings. Wife is getting the pre-bed time. Then maybe a 30min Sanderson read before knocking out.

   Honestly if you did a pre-workout and only lifted 3 days a week, you’d be good. After a month or two, your body will adjust its energy levels. But that intro period will be rough.

8. Try to workout during lunch if you can. The gym is less busy than immediately after work.

   But one thing you can do which I wish I did earlier. Track your calories in an app like Lose It. I was really fit in my 20s but I gained weight in my 30s cause metabolism was worse and I greatly underestimated how many calories I was eating every day. Now I am trying to lose weight and am down 30 pounds this year, and knowing calories is a big part of that.

   Inevitably a lot of us we work out to not be fat, and what you eat will have more of an impact than exercise on your weight. You will be able to maintain your weight way easier this way and even lose weight if you want, just by what you eat.

9. I stopped drinking alcohol. That helped significantly. Aside from that I don’t, life is complex and full of choices. Everyone only has 24 hours in a day.

10. You need to start making SMALL, sustainable changes. Drink more water, avoid the donut that work bought, avoid fast food options once per week if you go frequently, eat more fruits and veggies, or hit the gym at least 3 days a week. Nothing major, small things that add up OVER TIME.

    If you exercise regularly you’ll find yourself with more energy than if you didn’t. This is especially true as you get older. I know a ton of people who frequently complain about how they feel tired but they never consider it’s their inactivity that’s the root cause.

11. Weight training will change your body’s appearance much more than cycling will. I wake up at 4:30 3 days a week to lift in my garage before work. I’m approaching 43 with a 6 year old and a 2 year old. You prioritize what matters to you and make it work

12. Personally, I’ve started doing shorter workouts. When I think of full, 1+ hour-long workouts, it seems too long, and I don’t want to make the time commitment. However, I’ve started doing short, 10-15-minute workouts and find I go to the gym more frequently.

13. Get a higher paying job and work less or work less and learn to live with less. The entire 5day/wk 40hr routine is entirely made for you to loose. I work 3 12hr shifts (4 for OT) and have so much time off.

14. I also have a baby and navigating working, baby care and keeping in shape. It seems as though the best thing you/we can do is to cut out the sugary stuff. If you’re cycling 5 hours per week then that’s enough to keep you healthy. You can’t out-cycle a bad diet, as they say. Plus then you don’t have to try and incorporate anymore exercise into your already packed life.

15. It is really hard. Sometimes you wont be able to do it and you wont have energy for it. The biggest thing to control is how much you eat.

16. it’s simple. don’t have the rest.

17. I maintained going to the gym in the evenings 2-3 nights a week through pregnancy and everything.
    I’m sure the end of the pregnancy and first few weeks with a newborn that wasn’t exactly true.

    You have to be your top priority to be your best self, and you have to be your best self to be the best father and husband

18. I fast since im driver and work crazy hours. No time for exercise. What’s helped is Taking my son for a walk in his stroller. Giving my wife a break

19. It sounds like you are getting a decent amount of exercise. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Not sure what your weekend is like but maybe try to get a one hour workout in both Saturday and Sunday while your child naps? When my son was young I played tennis once a week for 1 hour at a local club. It was a scheduled class and was in the calendar so my wife knew.

20. I started getting up at 6am and driving to a nearby gym.

    I’m a little older than you (39) and have an almost 2 year old son who wakes up around 7 so I can get a full workout in when he’s asleep. (I do free weights mostly on Mon/Wed/Fri)

    If you can do an hour workout 3x a week with intermittent fasting with some protein shakes, you should see pretty good results in 4-6 months.

    Also, diet gets more important as you get further into your 30s, so I’d tackle that now so you can get used to it. (You can get used to anything if you stick with it for a few weeks. I’ve got a few salads and healthy meals that I love making: salmon, steamed broccoli, grilled chicken—that kinda stuff.)

    No sweets during the week (Maybe one day a week I’ll have a cheat day), and no food after 8pm.

    Looking at your routine, I’d say make sure you add some weights to help with muscle tone. Bike riding and light jogging may not be enough to cut the weight. You’d need to do intense workouts or exercise that’ll use more energy. Light biking and jogging doesn’t do much by way of burning calories unless you’re doing it for quite awhile.

    The amount you’re doing now sounds like just enough to maintain and to see results you have to push yourself a bit, and that may mean waking up earlier if ya can do it.

21. In my 40s with two little ones ages 5 and 2. It’s really hard. That said, the 3 big things that go out the window with kids at first are sleep, exercise, and diet.

    Do what you can first and foremost to control what goes in your mouth. The willpower is drained from all the stress, but do what you can because its a huge factor. As far as exercise, you do what you can, and it sounds like thats what youre doing. Let your self off the hook. Doing something is better than nothing.

    Lastly, once its a possibility, make sure youre getting enough sleep. Eventually the kids will grow and we will get some independence back. Until then just be kind to yourself and do what you can.

22. Go walking with the baby.

    Get yourself one of the backpacks carriers, head off into the countryside and go walking. When you kid gets tired, pop them on your back and enjoy walking with an extra 8-10KG. When they feel rested, pop them back on the ground, slow the pace and let them burn energy.

23. I live in the US and your daily regimen is far better than most people here. Walk in the park for an hour? I am lucky to get to do that once per week. Your life sounds pretty good.

24. Pure force of will. I’m about 75% as in shape as I was before kids.

    I’m leaner now though because I changed my diet up and eat less.

    Before kids, I was training BJJ 5-6X a week in competition class, running and lifting twice a week.

    Now I train at 6am with all the other dads 3x a week, and do a 2 hour open mat on the weekend. I’ll run 2 mornings during the week, and lift on my lunch break, since I signed up at a gym a mile form work.

    Being the buff dad was always a dream for me. My old wrestling coach set that example for me and hes the buffest 60 year old I know now.

25. Hey there here has been my journey. My schedule is very similar to yours. I’m married, 2 kids (5yo, and 9yo) We do hockey, swimming, soccer, plus our own activities. I have a government job so work is not very demanding, 40 to 50 hours a week (used to be in private sector but I value work life balance more than money). Hopefully it offers you some information:

    Been overweight most of my life and started working on myself Dec 2023.

    I try to get at least 1 hour of cardio in a day, usually outside. Running, walking, cycling, hockey. Sounds like you are getting this already with cycling. I usually do this after everyone is in bed or if time allows and my wife is cool with it I go when I can fit it in.

    I have dumbbells, a bench, pullup bar, and a treadmill at home.

    After everyone goes to bed I do weights. Following this routine right now: https://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/6-day-dumbbell-only-workout. I finish every workout with push ups and sit ups/crunches.

    I do a core workout 3 days a week as well. Not really enjoying this routine so probably going to switch it up soon but here is what I’m following right now: https://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/core-destroyer-8-week-home-ab-workout

    I like doing my workouts after everyone goes to bed because I’m a night owl, it replaced my video game and beer time with something better for me lol. Usually throw on a mindless show to watch between sets. It gives me my alone time and I still get my quality time in with my wife and kids while being able to help out with kids lunches, cooking, cleaning, kids schedules, and give my wife her peace and quiet. Still fit in date nights as well.

    I am sacrificing sleep some nights but overall this has been working really well for my physical and mental health. Down 60 lbs. Obviously I changed my diet as well, quit drinking, and eat fairly clean besides some weekends or nights out with family/friends/wife.

26. “Abs are made in the kitchen”

    Seriously, this saying is so true and more people should know about it. If you eat somewhat “clean” your body totally transforms. This doesn’t mean that you should eat like a body builder who goes into competitions – however you need to be in a healthy range.

    What does this mean?
    Crap quality food is a terrible poison. It tricks your mind to have sweet cravings as it gives you that ‘feel good, euphoric satisfaction’. When you feel the urge to eat a whole Ben & Jerry’s or 5 filled donuts it’s not like that your body needs it. By the way working out also releases the chemical responsible for this, so on a long term your body starts to give you sweet craving like ‘workout cravings’.

    So the thing is that filling your body with stuff that you don’t need totally messes up everything in your body (and mind). Your energy level, your body composition, your sexual drive and even your priorities in life do change. Literally everything. If you reduce / eliminate the crappy food then first of all you face an extremely shitty period. Like when a junkie puts down the drug. However your body (and your mind) starts to shift back to its healthy state and bit by bit you start to notice the benefits like higher energy level, longer attention span, extremely higher motivation, better looking body and so on.

    So yeah, start with nutrition. Fortunately, there are so many resources on the internet to research this topic. I never imagined that crappy food can be substituted with so many, much healthier options that actually do taste really frickin good and makes me feel like a completely different person.

27. Not eating garbage is the easiest to control as.

    1. it takes no extra time

    2. It ultimately saves you money.

    I didnt have a good workout schedule when mine were that young but as soon as I could I prioritized “before awake, or after asleep.”

    I joined a 24 hour gym and started going at 10pm or so when mine were elementary aged.

    Now that they are middle and high school I do BJJ at 6:30am and lift after.

28. Once my kids were school age it got exponentially easier. I work from home so I get 7/8 hours of peace and quiet each day. I also built a home gym and work out on my lunch hour. While they were still preschool age I used to get up at 5am 3 times a week to goto the gym before my wife left for work at 7:45.

29. Eating is way more important when it comes to weight loss and maintaining a low weight.

    I don’t keep any ‘good’ food around the house that I like to eat, the problem is kids only like to eat delicious snacks that I will steal in a moments notice.

    I think you’re getting plenty of activity, you just need to find a way to get your diet under control. One big thing about control is that it’s much easier to control what you don’t have immediate access to.

30. You have to remember it’s 80% diet 20% exercise as well

31. I managed by not having any children until I was 40.

    Seriously though, it’s a lot of give and take. Negotiate for the time, and than make that time spent non-negotiable. As others have said, the easiest variable here to control is diet (presuming you have access to quality food).

    If you don’t want to burden your wife, then ensure she has at least equal time for her workouts. Don’t ask for anything you wouldn’t be willing to give. Divvy up chores; rotate them on a calendar if you have to. If any necessary task falls on anyone’s “If I don’t do this, then it doesn’t get done” list, then have a real talk about it.

32. I don’t have kids but my days are pretty full with working an 9 hour day, 2 hours of driving to/from work, taking care of pets, house stuff, and cooking meals. Typically, I will get up at 4 am to workout for about 45min to an hour. I also casually lift dumbells at work when I need a break. I found that I don’t need to go as hard as when I was younger. I don’t focus on just 1 muscle group per day. I hit all areas when weight lighting and do cardio to warmup and cool down. To stay tone, I have found it comes down more to diet. Due to this, I rarely drink beer anymore and never drink sodas. Just stay consistent with efforts everyday.

33. Honestly my dude it sounds like you’re doing great. For dropping the extra weight you probably need to dial in your nutrition/diet a bit more, keep yourself off the snacks and make more mindful choices.

    Only thing I’d really recommend is(if you’re so inclined), waking up earlier or taking a walk during lunch at work. Have realistic expectations, you’re not a super hero, haha. I wake up at 4am every day and have for a while, but that doesn’t work for everyone.

34. If you want to kick the sweet tooth, my best suggestion is to do a cleanse. I did a 3 weeks one, 3 years ago. Once all that sugar was out of my body, I didn’t even crave it anymore. A couple times since then I’d go through spurts of eating some for a few weeks, then I’ll just stop and it’s not even hard. I also started meal prepping fruit for the week for an after dinner snack, instead of shoveling garbage into my face.

35. I was about to ask this question yesterday. I’m in my 40s with kids that are a bit older and it is hard. Up at 3:30 to get to the gym. Shower there, head to work from 6-4 or 5. Home by 6. Spend time with kids, wife, dinner, chores, get lunch and bag packed for next day. Bed by 9:30. Rinse, lather, repeat, I guess until I die? I dunno, that part is taking forever. I’m always disappointing someone and I’m so tired.

36. Try bouldering. Its fun and doesn’t usually take much time (atleast for me) though i must divulge that I have done it for 2 years and it takes time to get used to it

    edit: you’re overweight so lose some before

37. Weight loss alone requires no extra time, just eat less than you normally do. Easier said than done, but it is that fundamentally simple. “Abs are made in the kitchen” as the saying goes.

    Concerning exercise, if your weekly schedule is fairly regular (as it appears in your case) than it’s just a matter of slotting in time for exercise that works for you. For example, “1 hour of exercise, 3 times a week, at 8pm”. It’s easy to slack off when you don’t have a plan to follow. People with more chaotic schedules may have to follow a “do it whenever you can” system.

38. Well, I have a sweet tooth too, but I only have desserts or snacks Friday evening until I sleep on Sunday. I don’t binge on them, I just eat what I want. This includes alcohol. Holidays, birthdays, vacation, and work dinners are treated with no restrictions.

    I also only drink water, black coffee with no sugar, and protein shake during the week.

39. I dont know, ive always been fat and never really gabe a shit what people think about it. Though i turned 40 last year and some parts of my body hurt so im now working towards a better physique. Try not to be hard on yourself.

40. Change your diet to cut all sweets and starchy foods. Add intermittent fasting, as little as 12:12 or better 16:8.

    Subs:
    r/intermittentfasting
    r/lowcarb
    r/paleo will help

41. I’m 42. I hit the gym for weights on Mon/Wed/Fri. On Mondays I work remotely so that makes it easier. I usually cut out early on Fridays. So the only day I feel “rushed” is on Wednesday. My gym routine is about 1.5 to 2 hours. On Monday evenings for 2 hours I do karate. On Thursday evenings I do karate for 1 hour. That leaves me Tuesday/Saturday/Sunday where I have nothing structured. But often I’ll work in swimming or a walk/jog or whatever those days just in general when I have time.

    Then meal-planning and working ahead on time management. I work two jobs plus part-time in a business as well as contract work. I don’t have much “free time” so to speak other than the same wind-down time you get.

42. I’m always like “next month I should have all this done and I can start lifting and running again!”

    Then I get another snag in like and say the same thing.

    Going on 4 years and an extra 20lbs at this point!

    That said, I do try to run 3-4 times a week atleast, or go on a 5-6 mile walk with my kid/stroller

    I be 40 tho

43. It sounds like you’re doing pretty well as it is for having such a young kid. If you’re really focused on losing weight then you’ve got to be more disciplined with your eating but mate, go easy on yourself. Why not commit to not putting on any more weight until your kids starts full time nursery/pre school or school. Then you could go a bit harder with an exercise routine because life is just easier.

44. Walk at night. Throw in some earbuds and do 2 mile walk or run.
    My laundry is in the basement, my freezer is down there too…..when ever I do laundry or get food…..I hit the home gym in the basement and lift. Try to hit arms, chest and legs…..3 different lifts.