I am 31F married to 34M. My husband is an identical twin and his brother is who I’m talking about here.
He has been with a woman who is 38 for a few years. She is awful. She talked to him so harshly and I’m pretty sure I’ve found him crying and he just covered it up quickly. She was always yelling at him and stole a bunch of money from him as well as maxed out his cards. She and I have had our own issues. I love my BIL like he’s my own brother and her treating him like garbage sets me off.
Anyway she ended up hurting him bad enough he needed to be hospitalized and that was the last straw. She was arrested and we ( my husband, their sister, and I) pretty much kidnapped him. By the time he got out we’d already moved all of his things and it was non negotiable. He wasn’t going back. He did agree, I mean it’s not like his sister and I could actually force him to stay but we did our best and my husband is pretty good at convincing someone of something.
He did get a restraining order and has said he isn’t planning to have anything else to do with her. We got him a new phone number and have been a pretty solid unit in blocking her attempts at finding out his whereabouts or anything about him now.
However he seems to be crashing really hard. He’s gone from being a very talkative person to silently drinking. He’s lost a bunch of weight, he was one of those guys that do a lot of MMA type competitions and worked out often, and he looks awful, not just the weight loss, he looks like he hasn’t slept, is not really showering much, and just like he’s given up.
We haven’t been leaving him alone at all. We all take turns keeping him company because we are afraid he might do something awful. During my time with him we mostly just play videogames or go do something. I try to get him out of the house as much as I can.
We’ve tried pretty much everything to cheer him up a little. We’ve considered pooling money to get him an escort but that might be taking it too far so we’ve put that idea on the back burner.
I’m not really sure where to go from here. I’ve gotten him to talk to me some but he’s usually drunk when he does. We’ve talked about pooling money and getting him into therapy but we can’t really force him to go. He pretty much just stays at the house and drinks. He hasn’t gone back to work at all. He isn’t doing any hobby type stuff. He’s just existing right now.
What should we do?
Tdlr- my BIL just got out of an abusive relationship and is not doing well. We are really worried but not sure what to do.