Every time I 24F comment on or tell about a situation, my boyfriend 23M interrupts me to tell about a situation that he or someone he knows had and that was worse or better than what I’m saying

I’ve been seeing this pattern since we were friends, but it get it worse and worse. We met in college, we are both going to the third year of the same degree and I met him through a classmate since I am not very interested in socializing. Last year he ended a long relationship with his ex and after a few months he began to try things with me, to which I reciprocated slowly, but always trying to set limits by acknowledging that he must go through the mourning stage of their relationship, this is because my previous relationships were toxic so is my attempt to not make the same mistakes as before and to start relating in a healthier way

At first I said to myself “it’s okay, it’s obvious that he has a life with more complications than yours and so on and he can’t help but say those kinds of things” but with time each time it has started to bother me and annoy me a little more, I can’t tell him anything about my childhood or situations of people I know because of the type of “anecdotes” because he will always be saying things like “that It’s nothing, I had it worse or acquaintance had it worse, because blah blah blah”. And of course, at first he just limited himself to telling the situation without saying that kind of thing, so he didn’t bother, so I just tried to empathize with him. Now it is increasingly difficult for me to be empathic when he does this kind of thing, because as I mentioned to him in January, I feel that he tries to lower the profile of the situations that I mention, especially focusing on mine since I do not invalidate what he lived, but he with me yes, because he does it in general.

When i tried to talk to him it was immediately when he was having the same behavior, but he told me: “we can talk about it later or another day, now i just want to relax and spend time with you” and we never brought it up again. In this case, I feel that it was understandable since, like 2 days before, I had mentioned feeling ignored by him at a certain point, having changed a topic that I was telling him without realizing it, which resulted in him telling me that it is something that I usually do all the time with him (I admit that from time to time I am very scattered when speaking and I go from one topic to another but I always try to go back to what we were talking about) and on top of that last month I was giving me the trips to his home and spend a lot of time there because he wanted us to see each other every day like when we go to class (I work 4×4 at night from 8pm to 8am and there are days I should have slept and I didn’t because of this).

Now I don’t know how to mention it again, it has happened to me when I mention previous problems that may bother or annoy me, that he usually tries to shift the weight of the situation on me, so that I end up apologizing to him or fixing the issue but it isn’t something that I ends up letting it happen since It is something that I recognize that my ex did too.

I feel that this along with other small things have gradually affected the way I see him and although I usually avoid relationships, because I am within the aromantic/asexual spectrum, I told him previously when we were friends and the truth is that I am not usually interested in relationships, but it works against me my instinct to want to help others to be better. I like him, I want him to be able to grow and not get stuck in his insecurities from the previous relationship, to receive my affection and his affection while I connect with him in a healthy way and receive what I haven’t received in other relationships (have a healthy attachment and make us both grow together), but it is something that I see every time farthest because as the months go by, although I see behaviors from him that I love, I also see negative things that I feel are weighing more and more on the relationship for me. I don’t know how to handle this, I have set my limits on certain things and I tried others that he seemed to be ignoring and ignoring despite commenting on them, but I feel that at the same time I am in love with the potential of this man instead of seeing him as he really is while I try to work and see if the redflags that he was throwing in the first two months of relationship have been worked or not to cut it and not wear myself out emotionally regardless of the time we have been together.

His first redflags were related to displays of possessiveness, with comments like “you are mine and I am yours” “I don’t want to see you talk to other men that makes me insecure not knowing if you feel something for them” “all women are liars” “I wish no one saw you because you are beautiful and attract a lot of attention with your personality and I feel that you flirt with others/you don’t realize that others flirt with you” and things like that to whom I told my dissatisfaction and commented on how disgusting they were and how I did not try to possess him and I feel an initial trust for him that he does not feel for me.

Those of insecurity they went squarely about their relationship. (his partner cheated on him with his best friend) and every time he saw me approach or talk about an acquaintance or old friend, he would get in a bad mod and try to ignore me without telling me what was bothering him, hoping that I would apologize to him for things that I didn’t do but he misunderstood. II’ve already talked to him about it and even though it still happens to him and I avoid commenting on my interactions, now he doesn’t jump to conclusions and doesn’t try to ignore me or walk away because of it, but it seems like he’s just keeping it to himself and it’s not something in what has worked and I must continue explaining to him in detail my point of view of the situation so that he understands that they are not people he should worry about (as if I were interested in maintaining multiple relationships at the same time or betraying my partner’s trust in such a simple way 😮‍💨).

Now writing this, I must mention that the relationship has been going on for less than 5 months and it seems to me a nest of negative things, but it is not something that I want to talk about with my family, since I do not want to involve them in my relationship issue (and he told me his displeasure for commenting on relationships with others, only an external point of view is always necessary, sometimes one lets many things go by, as I did and probably continue to do, but with new things now I did not experience these types of situations with my exs)

For this reason I am posting it here, to see what do you think, since I feel that we will not be able to last if the situation remains as it is and there is no collaboration on his part. For my part, in the year and a half that I was single, I did nothing more than internal work to heal the wounds of my previous relationship and avoid projecting them if I got involved with someone again and now with him I show myself to be receptive and empathetic because I don’t want to reproduce the actions of the couples I had, let alone go back to being passive-aggressive with my way of approaching problems.