I have been love bombed and I am so upset. I met a guy 31M through a crazy coincidence on an online dating app. He asked me 33F to lunch, but I never responded and ended up going with a different guy I met on the app. After that lunch, I didn’t go immediately to my car to be cautious. Instead, I went to a different bar in the area. I sat at the only open seat at the bar and asked the guy to my left if the seat was taken. It turned out to be the guy I hadn’t responded to. It was nuts! We hit it off and started hanging out nonstop almost every other day for nearly a month. He moved very quickly and asked me to be his girlfriend last week. I am just getting out of a 14-year relationship, including a 10-year marriage. He is getting out of a ten-year relationship, including a four-year marriage. However, he has been divorced for a year.
I told him I wasn’t ready for the title yet but we agreed to remain exclusive. The next morning, he started getting very cagey. His wedding anniversary was coming up on May 4th. He was going out of town to Disneyland for May the Fourth because he and his ex were big Star Wars fans. He said it was weighing heavily on him and he needed space. That conversation ultimately led him to say that his divorce is hitting him a lot harder than expected and he thinks it would be best to take a break. So, we didn’t talk after that. What I am upset about ever since then is that he keeps posting old pictures of him and his ex with sad quotes.
I have ultimately come to the conclusion that he used me for a month to fill a void, wanted to make her jealous, love bombed me just for the hell of it, or genuinely had feelings for me but realized he couldn’t handle it. However, I do feel used because I fell for him as much as I possibly could in the short amount of time we spent together. Seeing the posts he was making after he had been so involved in my life just last week has really made me upset. I unfriended him on Instagram and made it so he was no longer following me.
My question is, should I now send the following message to him to just say my piece, or should I just leave it be? Here is the message:
“Hey there! I hope you are doing well. I wanted to let you know that I’ve unfollowed you on Instagram. After seeing your stories, it’s clear you’re still very much focused on your past relationship. I hope you find a way to work through that and start living in the present. I regret not recognizing the red flags earlier and allowing someone into my life at such a fragile time. I’m unsure if you were trying to fill a void, make her jealous, or if your feelings were genuine, but it’s a learning experience for me. I strongly encourage you to resolve your issues before getting close to someone else in the future. Wishing you the best in moving on and finding happiness within yourself.”
Thoughts?
10 comments
I think you should keep that message somewhere as an unsent letter. I’m sure you at least feel slightly better now having written it out. No good will come of sending it though
No need to send anything, ending it with someone who’s already ended it with u isn’t a thing
Just walk away.
It sounds like his emotions were all over the place and sometimes people just need to be let go of. He’s torturing himself enough by reliving all those pictures, he doesn’t need another mistake.
You both just need to heal.
Lol so you didn’t give the guy a chance at first and then got annoyed when he basically did the same thing to you?
Just leave it alone, hope you feel better, I know it sucks, sorry you’re going through that….
So you start the message out by saying, “I hope you are doing well,” then proceed with a string of passive-aggressive comments about his life and past relationship? You most certainly do not hope that he’s doing well. If you want to express your anger over the situation, then just tell him why you’re upset instead of sending that message.
Are you actually 33? Because that message sounds like it was written by someone in high school. Sending it will only affirm to him that he made the right call by dropping you.
Your feelings are sooo valid after having experienced that! But I definitely wouldn’t click send on that one. If he wanted to reach out, he would, and it sounds like he did make it clear that he wanted some space. That message was more-so written for your closure/healing, not for anyone else.
uh-huh
Do you think instead of me sending this letter, I just ask him about what happened and just be more open? Was it that I said no to being his girlfriend and he shut down? Was it that he just wasn’t ready? Or, do y’all think I really should just let it go? Because he never broke up with me, he said he just needed space.
Let writing the letter be your closure. You don’t need to send it. You know where he stands, his actions speak volume.
This man isn’t ready and you are putting yourself in place to be an option.
Be glad he showed you quickly and transparently vs stringing you along.
The love bombing may not have been intentional. He may have thought or wanted to be ready and may have enjoyed his time with you but it may have been a reality check. He’s getting out of your way for the right person.