You are NOT easy going. You are just unaware that the other person is forced to make plans or nothing is ever done. I totally get going to things as they come up and being spontaneous is fun. HOWEVER, this is not something to expect all the time. Have some sort of plan. I’m able to be spontaneous by looking up events on Facebook and then just going if I’m available. I still have to go look!
My ex was that way and I’ve talked to a few guys who have actually tried to put me down for planning vacations. I want to travel but that takes time and money so I plan when I’d like to go. If going in October instead of August saves me $600, then I’m going in October. Of course I’m still relaxed on vacation but being able to do these things requires some sort of planning.
I tend to also see it in bios. “Let’s just see where things go” translates to “I have no idea what I want and I’m comfortable wasting your time.“ I fully respect people who are just upfront saying they don’t know what they want because not everyone does. That’s okay. What’s not is pretending you’re easy going when you plan on doing as little work as humanly possible.
I’m now getting off my soapbox.
40 comments
Thank God I’m not the only person who thinks this way 😁
‘Go with the flow’ people hater +1
A complete waste of time, especially for someone who’s got a lot going on in their life and in their early 30s. People who make plans are my kinda people.
1. We can’t plan an elaborate date if we don’t even know if you’re going to show up or if you’re available. Planning a date requires a bit of input from you. If for nothing else to make sure I’m not making a reservation when you had a birthday party to go to.
2. Let’s see where things go is legitimate at the very beginning. You don’t know the person. You have to get to know them to know if you want something with them at all. The people who obsess with dating to marry and put that sort of expectation and pressure on someone you barely know.
I have a hard time with this because on the one hand I love having someone around who will always be agreeable to doing whatever I want. But on the other hand, I would like someone else to take control and plan sometimes. But what if their plans suck? 🤔
I feel the same way 100%.
The whole idea of “go with the flow” gives me the ick! It’s disrespectful and disruptive towards the people they drag into their mess.
I would rather someone tell me they don’t have a clue then tell me “let’s just see what happens, see where this goes…” don’t waste my time with your bullshit. I know what I want, I know what I don’t want. I know how to properly prepare and I do not have the time to waste on people who are happy to just go about life like this.
Don’t drag me into your mess.
You’re not fooling me. It’s not cool, it’s not chill. Its lazy, immature, boring as fuck and sad
These people either don’t plan anything or they throw together a mess of an idea last minute. It’s insulting.
I get it, but I think your standards are too low. Lots of people are just looking to waste time. I used to set mine low too because of where I live, but now I’m more cautious. Maybe put in your bio that you’re not interested in time-wasters and be selective when starting conversations.
I know I sometimes used the “Let’s just see where things go”, but I am absolute opposite of what you are describing.
I love planning, especially with economic things, its just very useful (your example vacation and there are many others). I kinda always want to know where we are so I talk, plan and looking for feedback
I think for the first couple of dates a general plan should be in place, but a flexible attitude helps. No one wants to come off as too controlling. As the relationship moves forward, having a plan shows respect and genuine caring for your partner. No one wants to sit at home warching movies and ordering pizza every Friday night under the “I’m just going with the flow…because I’m too lazy to make plans” excuse.
“Let’s just see where things go” is such an awful phrase, you’re right it summarizes to “I’m probably going to ghost you when things get too real”
I think it may be worth mentioning that guys may use it differently than you do. I consider myself “go with the flow” in the sense that I am open to negotiation, change, and making things better for both of us. To me the opposite of this is “my way or the highway” which is toxic and childish nonsense which anyone, man or woman, is better without. People who put zero effort in and just coast off what you’re doing, sure, I can absolutely understand that being annoying. But others who say this may just want to be considerate of your desires and opinions rather than dragging you along to something you don’t enjoy.
Absolutely agree. I’m like you as well, always the planner. And like you said, I’m totally cool with throwing in spontaneity, but a lot of cool activities and events require forethought and planning. I also dated a guy that was like “I can plan for work but I like an unplanned social life.” No dude, you just don’t consider the other person’s time and you don’t make any effort.
Let me show the other side: the issue with planning is the expectation. Planning means expecting something specific that if not achieved will bring disappointment. People who go with the flow, are “planning” to enjoy the experience to the fullest. Hope it makes sense. I am definitely that person, or at least i am trying to. 10 y ago I was that monster planner that knew everything and organized everything in his life.
I could not agree more. This means there are 2 types of people and maybe this kind aren’t compatible with you.
People who use “go with the flow” as a cover phrase for the fact that they’re no/low effort people when it comes to dating aren’t actually “go with the flow” people, and while I understand and feel for your shitty experiences dealing with such humans, I would also caution against spreading misinformation and making false equivalences.
“Go with the flow” just means that when plans fall through due to life’s unpredictability, you’re not phased by it. For example, say I plan for us to go to the beach as a date, but the weather turns sour contrary to that day’s weather forecast (or shit, maybe we both forgot to check the weather to see if that day would actually work), so as an alternative I suggest a bowling date or some type of indoor activity. You’re telling me that I’m wasting your time because I didn’t plan well enough? I think that’s a pretty unreasonable bar to set for people and for life.
I agree with you that people who put in little to no effort into planning dates and fun things to do suck, because there should be a fair amount of effort put into that, but life happens, and sometimes in ways that none of us expect it to, and in those moments I’d rather have a “it’s all good, let’s just go with the flow” kinda attitude vs being all bent outta shape and acting like the day is completely ruined because plans got foiled.
I’m 21 and I have all the time in the world to find a mate. However I don’t date go with the flow people. People always say I should date go with the flow people because I am so young but it’s a waste of time
> You are just unaware that the other person is forced to make plans or nothing is ever done. I totally get going to things as they come up and being spontaneous is fun. HOWEVER, this is not something to expect all the time. Have some sort of plan
I don’t personally consider this to be the behavior of a “go with the flow” person; I see it as someone who is selfish and/or doesn’t know how dating works.
For me, a “go with the flow” attitude is someone who doesn’t put a big emphasis on dates. There’s a lot of pressure if you really like someone and you make plans to go to a restaurant 4 days out. The entire ride there, your heart is pounding, scared that it won’t work out.
It’s so much more relaxing to be talking to someone for a couple days, and being like “so what are you up to today” and if they say nothing, you say something like “a new restaurant opened up. wanna try them out?” That’s going with the flow.
And, once you’re on that date, going with the flow would be just having a natural conversation. And afterwards, just going for a walk, your hands kind of brush together and you’re naturally holding hands, rather than being like “can I hold your hand?” or “can I kiss you?”.
Go with the flow is actually a great philosophy of Taoism.
It means not to force, let things develop organically. It teaches acceptance. It respects nature and the Universe as the way it is.
Not sure how others use this philosophical idea to benefit their life but it all seems a bit stupid to me.
I also find them somewhat inconsiderate. Like they expect you to just drop everything and do whatever they feel like doing in the moment irregardless of your prior commitments or schedule.
If you wanna have a spontaneous day with nothing planned and go with the flow, absolutely not a problem. But, tell me when you wanna do that so I can take care of all my other responsibilities in advance.
I am often the planner in my relationships and it does get exhausting. While I do appreciate someone doing something spontaneous for us, I do like to have a plan to keep things organized. My husband can help plan our travels and come up with meal plans, but when it comes to everything else like our wedding reception that is all me. We both have our strengths when it comes to planning. As far as the “go with the flow” people that could mean one or two things:
1) I’m not sure where we are headed and I might waste your time
2) I’m okay with whatever you want to do because you are the better planner.
As long as I’m not the one planning all the time I don’t really mind going with the flow.
People have to discover themselves, young people aren’t necessarily going to know what they want. It’s good for people to be open-minded and try different things, rather than be rigid. Being submissive works if the other person is dominant
I agree. You can go with the flow for a week or 3 dates. By then you kind of know if this person is for you or not :/
I went on a couple dates with a “let’s just go with the flow guy” earlier this year and it’s definitely not something I’d do again. I seemed to be the only one asking any questions for substance or giving pertinent info. I totally get dating being fun but the initial stages youre supposed to be learning important info about each other as well. I asked if he had any questions for me the second date and he said “i’ll just let them come along.” Best he could do was my “top 3 food hot takes”.
I just let go of a “go with the flow” kind of person and I wasted 1 1/2 years of my life. Never again
Alot of people in here are confusing lazy inconsiderate self ish people with flexible open minded people.
You’re confusing “go with the flow people” with “people who put no effort in”. Believe me they are miles apart
“Go with the flow” is code for usually people not looking for a serious relationship and just floating from connection to connection with no destination in mind.
And people who don’t ever plan, they also lack major ambition for their life.
So unless you want to be around someone you never settle down with, who is never ambitious, who you can’t take seriously?
Then date a “go with the flow” person.
But if you don’t want to waste your time? AVOID THEM!
Thank you for sharing this experience and venting. I totally get you and I think a lot of people have similar experiences – which is just fuxking exhausting 🙁
Hard agree on this, I’ve said that I’m “going with the flow” or “seeing where things go” before but that usually means I just don’t put too much pressure on things, I’ll still make the effort to plan and hope something actually comes out of it, I find too many people use this as a way to say they’ll basically make no effort and are just wasting time though
This 💯 Couldn’t agree more.
I had a “go with the flow” guy I was interested in tell me he was thinking about going to Disneyland for his birthday – cool – except he’s telling me this the day before he planned to go. No ticket, no pass, no idea how any of it works and of course it was sold out by the time I told him “Um yeah you gotta plan in advance for that kinda thing”.
I do appreciate the flexibility, not being demanding, being open to whatever happens, but that is a red flag to me. When you’re over 35 and don’t think ahead for things that cost $$$ – that worries me.
It worries me planning a Disney trip less than 6 months in advance 😅 I’m prob too type A for him.
I’m go with the flow, and my partner is a planner. She plans stuff, and if things go wrong I know how to improvise and come up with something on the fly, so ‘go with the flow’ depends on how they approach ‘going with the flow’
Yes! Agree on this
Also a phrase that turns me off the most is “looking for something casual, not serious”
Like dude?! You hearing yourself?!
No wonder women hate going to dating apps
I hate that fucking phrase so much and I just realized I don’t vibe with people like that.
i left swipe on these ambivalent ass mfs
I get your frustration! Especially when the go with the flow sometimes meant ditch me for their friends asking to hang out last minute.
Agreed, also sets expectations for when, where, and who – plans allow people to fit social activities in a larger calendar. Respect for time of both parties and all involved imho unless it’s a loose time, also keeps people from arguing and bickering about what to do right beforehand – I hate wasting time, esp on vacations.
Normally, I’m totally cool to pull audibles, change plans or switch it up – unless it’s a ticketed thing. Tbh Last “go with the flow” and “impulsive” person I dated, this was largely code for “I reserve the right to blow up or alter plans I don’t find I’m interested in anymore”. Go with the flow was usually, “go with my flow”.
I got chastised for “trying to plan every little thing” and “being anal” or “controlling” for asking for a time everyone was planning on getting together for group social events. I’d get yelled at or taken to task later for being late too – this happened multiple times and each time it was my fault.
3rd time it happened and I asked politely if they wanted me to be somewhere on time, I’d have to know more than a few hours in advance, it turned into a multi-day blowout which ended up being my fault for lecturing them. Never took accountability for their part of it. Ever. Even noticed their family was walking on eggshells all the time too.
W/e tmi – still little spiciness in the brain on that one, psychological abuse folks, never more than once – if that. Trust ya bellies.
The bio statement is correct for the ones who mainly involve themselves with hookup culture. Your translation though is incorrect to those who actually want to pursue meaningful relationships.
The “Let’s just see where things go translates to “I have been ghosted/rejected so many times on dating apps such as this despite me showing interest, communicating, initiating dates and putting effort in. Therefore, I’m not going to put anymore effort into the next person until they show me signs that they are actually serious about me! – I will see how things go because I now keep my options open due to recent trauma of being ghosted by matches, or people using the same excuses to dump me without being totally honest and up front”.
Omfg!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!! Like make some effort! I just had an ex like this…sooooo frustrating!!
It depends. I can’t stand it when a partner wants to schedule up all my fun days off with themselves and “plans”. I like being able to wake up and see how I’m feeling and decide what I’m going to do as things arise. I like being asked out by friends and being able to spontaneously go to a pub after work or just have an unplanned hang out. I’m okay with making plans sometimes, but it drives me nuts when they get all foot tappy and demanding about me gatekeeping a few days off to myself that they can’t control.
Yeah, I’m the go with the flow kinda guy, I get what you mean, but going with the flow doesn’t mean no plans, means flexible plans. Conversations I had with my ex:”lets go to the movies and buy the tickets there, if the 8pm session is full we get the 9pm and have dinner before movies, not after, we’re doing both anyway” (she got the tickets online and was anxious and mean the whole uber ride – we were late because of her, btw); “let’s go to the coffee shop, its fine if we don’t see the menu before hand, we like coffee, they will have coffee there”.
You’re right, you should plan big things, but life is unpredictable, don’t sweat the small stuff. Before someone asks, yeah, she has anxiety, so do I, she just doesn’t deal with it efectively.
Finally someone said it! I also dated someone who would say how they “liked to be surprised” on vacations. AKA I do all the planning and they just go along. I planned all of our dates too 😖 Definitely an icky trait