How to reject people asking for favors without sounding rude or selfish

So I’m(25M) not really that great at social skills and rejecting people’s favors and I have these situations where a coworker asks me for a favor for example, or a coworker/ mutual friend asks me to pay for something for them when we dont know each other much(usually its minor things)

For the first idk how to sugarcoat rejection and if I try to reject they go it’s only gonna take 20 mins etc(they usually undersell it), so I often accept and put more load on myself when I don’t want to except if I’m extremelyyy short on time then i just give a constant no.

As for the second it’s worse where if i reject they think im a cheapskate or selfish, I don’t actually mind accepting money-wise since it’s usually minor stuff but I feel like if I accept they’ll just take advantage of it cause I had people do the same before, I don’t usually mind it if it’s someone I know but with people I just met I usually reject with a cold no and look harsh/selfish and I’m just questioning who’s right in these scenarios and how to deal with them \*correctly\* so to speak

I also have a big problem where in the past I’m used to being let down so I almost never ask others for favors unless they’re very close friends, so I don’t like doing favors for people idk much while not knowing how to reject nicely. And I just get into alot of awkward situations because of it. So I would appreciate any advice on how to handle these sitautions better or improve my attitude.

To be honest, if you’re ending up doing favours you don’t want to do as a a result of not knowing how to sugar-coat it, then I think your main priority should be learning ***TO*** say “no”, rather than worrying about ***HOW TO*** say “no”.

And you may also want to ask yourself also why it matters to you if you do appear *”rude and selfish”*. For many people, self-respect is the most important factor, and when rejecting somebody’s request for a favour than they don’t put too much thought into what the other person thinks of them…. simply because it’s not their problem.

Furthermore, people who want to come across as the “nice person” (and as a result like to avoid social disapproval) are usually privy to getting taken advantage of. I’m talking in general, rather than your situation specifically.

> have these situations where a coworker asks me for a favor for example…

Since you’d obviously have your own work, many people in your position would simply say “sorry, can’t help I’m afraid” – or even “I’m too busy, sorry” (and don’t emphasise too much on the word “sorry” being an admission of wrongdoing on their part). If they say it’ll only be 20 mins then they might say “Sorry, but like I said can’t help”.

Point is, they’re being firm – not even trying to sugar-coat. They don’t need the other person’s approval.

>As for the second it’s worse where if i reject they think im a cheapskate or selfish, I don’t actually mind accepting money-wise since it’s usually minor stuff but I feel like if I accept they’ll just take advantage of it cause I had people do the same before, I don’t usually mind it if it’s someone I know but with people I just met I usually reject with a cold no and look harsh/selfish and I’m just questioning who’s right in these scenarios and how to deal with them *correctly* so to speak

So you’ve rejected to pay for something, and somebody who you apparently barely even know calls you selfish to your face?

So the questions are (a) who cares about their opinions?, and (b) why are you questioning “who’s right”? You being “wrong” implies either that:

* other people, who are nearly strangers, are entitled to your money. And so of course this is not actually the case
* you need to reject their request in a certain way so as not to appear selfish. But whether it is selfish or not depends on the actual decision – regardless of how you appear or are perceived

Having said all this, it might be best just to reject the request in a natural and casual fashion, as giving them a “cold no and harsh/selfish look” sounds like intentionally being passive-aggressive.

But not enough context is given in regards to why you’re being asked to pay for stuff by someone who barely knows you.

3 comments

TheCounsiller says:
May 3, 2024 at 8:54 am
Be honest. Don’t be a walkover.
momof2catsand1man says:
May 3, 2024 at 9:03 am
I wish i could help but unfortunatly that is not possible for reasons x. I appreciate the offer/invitation but i am not comfortable doing this , going to x place , if they insist , i understand your need/desire but i made it clear that im not interested and i hope you respect my decision.
MrQ01 says:
May 3, 2024 at 9:46 am
To be honest, if you’re ending up doing favours you don’t want to do as a a result of not knowing how to sugar-coat it, then I think your main priority should be learning ***TO*** say “no”, rather than worrying about ***HOW TO*** say “no”.
And you may also want to ask yourself also why it matters to you if you do appear *”rude and selfish”*. For many people, self-respect is the most important factor, and when rejecting somebody’s request for a favour than they don’t put too much thought into what the other person thinks of them…. simply because it’s not their problem.
Furthermore, people who want to come across as the “nice person” (and as a result like to avoid social disapproval) are usually privy to getting taken advantage of. I’m talking in general, rather than your situation specifically.
> have these situations where a coworker asks me for a favor for example…
For the first idk how to sugarcoat rejection and if I try to reject they go it’s only gonna take 20 mins etc(they usually undersell it), so I often accept and put more load on myself when I don’t want to except if I’m extremelyyy short on time then i just give a constant no.
Since you’d obviously have your own work, many people in your position would simply say “sorry, can’t help I’m afraid” – or even “I’m too busy, sorry” (and don’t emphasise too much on the word “sorry” being an admission of wrongdoing on their part). If they say it’ll only be 20 mins then they might say “Sorry, but like I said can’t help”.
Point is, they’re being firm – not even trying to sugar-coat. They don’t need the other person’s approval.
>As for the second it’s worse where if i reject they think im a cheapskate or selfish, I don’t actually mind accepting money-wise since it’s usually minor stuff but I feel like if I accept they’ll just take advantage of it cause I had people do the same before, I don’t usually mind it if it’s someone I know but with people I just met I usually reject with a cold no and look harsh/selfish and I’m just questioning who’s right in these scenarios and how to deal with them *correctly* so to speak
So you’ve rejected to pay for something, and somebody who you apparently barely even know calls you selfish to your face?
So the questions are (a) who cares about their opinions?, and (b) why are you questioning “who’s right”? You being “wrong” implies either that:
* other people, who are nearly strangers, are entitled to your money. And so of course this is not actually the case
* you need to reject their request in a certain way so as not to appear selfish. But whether it is selfish or not depends on the actual decision – regardless of how you appear or are perceived
Having said all this, it might be best just to reject the request in a natural and casual fashion, as giving them a “cold no and harsh/selfish look” sounds like intentionally being passive-aggressive.
But not enough context is given in regards to why you’re being asked to pay for stuff by someone who barely knows you.

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How to reject people asking for favors without sounding rude or selfish

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