My boyfriend (19m) and I (19f) have been together for about 6 months. I’ve known him for several years, and we became best friends last year. When we were friends, he got comfortable enough to share that he had a pretty bad porn addiction. He expressed to me how much he hates it and wants to quit, and that a lot of it roots from loneliness. I asked him the best way I could support him, and we decided that I would do random check-ins to remind him of his goal. Since we got into a relationship, he’s made amazing progress and I’m so proud of him. He’s very honest with me when I ask him the last time he watched anything, and I’m sure to let him know how amazing his little wins are.
However, he does relapse and I find it difficult to not take it personal. I feel terrible saying this, but it also makes it difficult for me to show physical affection towards him because the thought will just randomly pop up in my brain and I’ll feel uncomfortable touching him. Sometimes I don’t think he’s actually aware how much it hurts me personally, but I’m worried if I bring it to him he’ll feel guilty and like he can’t give me honest answers – I really want to avoid any shameful connotations since he already hates himself when he goes back to the addiction. I’d really appreciate any thoughts on how I can cope with this, but also other ways I can continue to support him! Thanks in advance!
TLDR: how can I not take my boyfriend’s porn addiction personally and how can I support him through it
1 comment
Is he getting help for his addiction? Do you have support through therapy?
You doing random check-ins is giving very probation officer vibes, I don’t think it’s healthy for either of you to take on that role. You are his girlfriend, listen to him when he’s feeling frustrated, celebrate his achievements, but he is responsible for keeping himself accountable.