My boyfriend’s brother physically/emotionally bullied my bf tonight in the kitchen while I was washing dishes. Their father was with us too and he did nothing. I had a strong physical urge to go protect my boyfriend and rip his brother’s head off, but didn’t know if it would be the right thing to do or would make my bf and his family mad.
I talked to my bf after and I told him I really sensed he was uncomfortable and scared and I felt almost triggered to go over there and break it up myself. I was treated like this by my own dad and brother growing up and no one stood up for me, I would just freeze up just like my bf did. I
I felt like I really messed up tonight by swallowing the urge to protect the person I love. I asked my bf if I could speak up if this happens in front of me again and he said yes and that no one has ever done that for him before.
It’s wild, my bf is tall and strong and a black belt, but he was so embarrassed it happened in front of me and embarrassed he didn’t defend himself (he could easily beat his brother’s ass, but doesn’t in order to keep the peace).
I guess this is something that has been happening his whole life and he never talks about it with me. We talked about it in depth tonight and I feel terrible because I relate to him. His whole family turns on him if he disturbs the peace, the brother is enabled to be a bully.
If it happens again I know what I will do. I won’t physically touch him because that seems like too much, but I will simply tell him to get the fuck off and stop. I almost want to text the brother tonight and just say that I don’t like what happened at all and I better never see that behavior again. Idk what to do or what’s appropriate…I just feel so angry right now.
TLDR; my bf’s brother is a bully to him and it happened in front of me tonight. I want to beat his ass and don’t know if I should text the brother and tell him to back off.
2 comments
The only thing that will happen if you get involved by texting or beating the brother is that he will start bullying your bf for having a woman fight his battles for him.
If his whole family is horrible to him, going no contact is a better idea.
Sounds like your husband has a shitty family. It’s not your fight, and you shouldn’t get involved. You should however encourage your husband to stand up to the bully and tell him off. This isn’t a thing where your husband is incapable. Clearly he’s a big guy and could physically fuck his brother off if he wanted to. There’s deep childhood behavioral patterns engrained here that I would encourage you to tread lightly with. Maybe invite the parents but not the brother. He sounds like a piece of work. Reduce contact at least.