(As title)
I am extremely out of patience when writing these words. For context, we’re from vietnam, my aunt in the US apply for F4 petitions in 2008 so us could move here. The reason we move starting from my sister, got leukemia during her early age, and my dad recognized the lack of medical benefits in vietnam in 2007. Since then, my sister has always been mentally fragile, and as a result, my family isn’t put much academic pressure or any type on her as much as me. The only thing they’ve been slightly pushing is putting her into english learning so she won’t struggle much when she move. And we not moving right now, we just estimate to move in a few years.
As for me, they sent me to the US since I was 15 so I wouldn’t struggle in adapting. I am extremely frustrating at my sister, and a little resentment too, because each month we spent $500 for her to study english, but she doesn’t practice learning or put in the effort everyday. She has been having “I dont want to learn english/I dont want to move to the US” ever since elementary school. I visit Vietnam this summer when I turned 19, and all those 4 yrs I’m gone she did not make much improvement. Many time, I try to teach her growth mindset but she refused to listen -> only me speaking to myself in the conversation. Many time I try to tell her that is not as scary or hard to immigrate anymore, we have relatives in the US to help us whenever they can. For example of her fragile mental, everytime me and my mom try to have serious conversation with her, like talking about applying to college, she started crying and shut down. It’s not like we pressure her into study a specific major, we are guiding her and giving her time to pick whatever she’s like. Dad kept spending on her english learning and he already knew her altitude toward it, he was hoping and still want her to have exposed to english -> money were pouring down the drain every month. Mom kept asking me “what do you think she could do in the US given her weak english and shy social skill?”. I DO NOT KNOW TOO MOM! I AM AS FRUSTRATION AS YOU TOO 💀😭 My sister said to me “Even if we move to the US, I will find ways to come back to Vietnam”. I understand my family coddling her because of her early age illness, but right now she is 18 and about to apply to college, in my opinion her stubbornness and passive personality need to change. She already falling behind compared to her Vietnamese peer (I mean learning english), and she doesn’t recognize the privilege of being able to study a new language through parent’s investment. Like, maybe she doesn’t even need to move the US, who would hired her in Vietnam if she isn’t proficient in English? One day mom and dad can’t support me and her anymore, and my grandma said “When I work in Corporate America, I could use that money I work to pay for my sister tuition if she go to college here”. I’m like no sh*t, I would pay for her tuition if and only if she shows signs of improvement and do well it whatever she want to study.
Speaking of grandma, she usually said “your sister’s english is so bad that she probably just doing nails (blue collar jobs) like my aunt” because lots of viet immigrant do nails for a living. My grandma has always talked down to her, have no faith in her and that’s contributing to her stubbornness in learning english too. I get that too because my grandma is slightly toxic, if I stay then it could damage my self esteem a little more worse. Many time I tried to tell my sister that grandma’s perception of her is not true and old fashion, but it is hard to ignore since it is your family member who criticized you. From what I see as a family member, it is good for her to get out of comfort zone and see the what the world has to offer her more than what my grandma has been saying to her. Then she will realize people’s perception of her doesn’t say much about herself.
So folk, what would y’all do in my situation? Should my family move and leave her in Vietnam as she want to? What if she regret the decision to stay? Should we force her to move with us? Am I being an asshole for thinking she should come with us and get out of her comfort zone? Are there any natural force to help her grow?
I completely understand that not everyone want to move country, because maybe “grass is greener where you water in”. In this case, my sister doesn’t even water her grass, and she’s not a child to acting this way anymore. I’ve outgrown my sister. We sleep in the same room from our childhood but I guess I can’t do this anymore, I wanna help but it’s so suffocating whenever I’m around her and seeing her acting this way compared to our peers. I’m done helping mom lecturing her. I would appreciate y’all input, or at least knowing someone is in my shoes too 🙁
TL;DR: advice on my sister refused to immigrate to another country with my family.
1 comment
Why do you want to force an adult to move to a different country? Maybe she prefers Vietnam.