My boyfriend claims that he has never done anything sexual with a woman and that I would be his first everything. Recently, he told me that he feels comfortable attempting to have sex with me for the first time since he’s been trying to “save for the right one” but once we tried it out, he immediately felt uncomfortable and said that’s enough. He told me that he wanted everything to be perfect and that it didn’t feel as special to him because he keeps thinking about my past lovers knowing that I have already done these kinds of things before when he hasn’t. This is really just me venting because me hearing that from him made me feel some type of way, I didn’t know how to react. Just hearing him hear that it didn’t feel special or perfect to him, how he feels that he is just some other guy since i’ve already done this before. Although he says he wants to get past this mental block of him overthinking about my past exes, but this still made me feel bad.
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He’s got into a relationship with someone that he knows has a sexual history with other people, also very likely knowing he was uncomfortable with that, which makes me wonder why he dated you in the first place.
This isn’t your fault. You have nothing to feel bad about at all, this is him not being an adult and communicating his preferences in a partner. Clearly, he wants his first time to be with a virgin and I don’t think that, realistically, he is going to waver from that view.
However, I doubt he is going to actually communicate that, which leaves you with a decision to make..
He should have just been honest with you in the first place.
He sounds like a nut lol
Guys with these types of hangups are such wet blankets. How long y’all been together?
Reality is different than imagination. Its hard to imagine someone’s 1st being perfect.
Hope he can transition from immaturity to maturity.
Typically, helping your woman orgasm is also confidence boosting. That may help him focus less on the past and more on the present
Speaking as a guy who is waiting for someone I genuinely like to lose it to, I get what he’s saying.
Firstly all that Disney shit just makes the whole thing way to romanticized, it’s not realistic. It’s kinda like how women get hurt by guys relying on porn to get off instead of them, an addiction to the fantasy only to be thrust into reality is jarring and sobering.
Fantasy isn’t real and that’s something he will have to get over.
Secondly and I also had a similar issue with a woman about this was her past. I’m gonna be blunt about how guys are, we tend to want someone who we can have (preferably speaking) most if not all her firsts, as cringe as it may sound we want to know that we can help open her world up to these things because it’s almost like exploring uncharted territory. So new and exciting, when we get with someone that isn’t possible to have with some disappointment is to be expected.
Best way I can forsee of dealing with this is by treating him better than you did with your ex’s even if you aren’t that into it. If he finds out you do or let him do a number of things that you don’t really like he’s gonna get the impression that you REALLY REALLY like him, and if he finds out you treated him better than your ex’s because of this he will likely either straighten the hell up and treat you like royalty or become a massive jackass by taking it for granted by being a dick.
As far as this issue you’re going through it may be best to slow walk him through what it is you’re feeling, it may be a hard thing to do because this involves a certain level of vulnerability. Give him chances to make it up to you, and don’t be subtle about the hints either, idk your guy so as far as I know he can potentially be dense. Speaking as someone that doesn’t know him.
It’s by no means a solution, but it’s just a couple options you can go with in working on things with him.
Tell him to shut up (not literally, but still).
Sex for first time is awkward. It’s not amazing until you get good at it, and that takes a long time. If he was expecting something epic on his first try, that’s just incorrect expectations.