My (23f) boyfriends(26m) dad is a dead beat and he hasn’t seen him since he was like 11 years old(he lives across the country but I doubt it be any different if he lived here). My bf acts like he’s not bothered by it but he definitely is. He recently had to reach out to his dad to get some info about his past, and then the next day sent him his number(the previous interaction I’m assuming was on facebook messenger) and asked him to call him sometime so they can catch up. He sent a thumbs up and never replied.
The only interaction he has had with him since he’s seen him is his dad reaching out to say happy birthday maybe a few times. He never talks about his dad but we’re very open and so I assumed he didn’t really care that he didn’t have a relationship with him. He admitted to me that the situation really hurt his feelings and has since been pretty down and stressed. He’s emotional and I know that it really bothers him.
Id love to say that it’s not my place and therefore I will keep to myself, or that karma will get the best of him, or even just be the bigger person and help him forget it. But I don’t feel that way. I WANT to reach out and tell him exactly what it is and that he fucking sucks, cause I don’t know when’s the last time someone reminded him
TLDR; bfs dad sucks and hasn’t seen him and has barely talked to him in 15 years. Should I tell him he sucks?
7 comments
Leave it. This isn’t your battle.
There’s nothing you can say to a man to make him suddenly decide to be a good dad. They usually know they suck and simply just don’t care.
Focus your energy on supporting your bf instead.
Stay out of it. Your job in all of this is to support your boyfriend and let him tell you how he feels. You don’t have to fix anything.
No, please don’t. This isn’t your battle, this is between him and his dad. There is always reasons for this disconnection. What about this example – Replace your boyfriend and his dad with a girlfriend of yours and a random dude that only spoke with her a few times. Would you call him up and berate him for not taking her out and loving her?
No, not your place. Do not do this under any circumstances.
What you want here is less important than what your boyfriend wants. Ask *him* how he’d feel about you doing what you suggest.
Absolutely do not do it without your boyfriend’s blessing on both the idea and the specific wording of the message you want to send. It’s not your place but more importantly you could make the situation worse for your boyfriend.
Don’t do this. Don’t do this. Don’t do this.
My dad was a deadbeat. I would have been mortified if a partner had called him out on it. I probably would have broken up with them.
There is so much trauma around having a dad who isn’t in your life. He will tell him in his own time. But it **has** to be his own time.
(Edited to fix a split infinitive. English major perfectionism never goes away.)
So first of all, it’s NOT YOUR PLACE. This is not your biological family, your trauma, your issue – it’s your bf’s. If you reach out, I imagine bf will never forgive you.
Second, you really think a guy capable of abandoning his own child is gonna care what some random chick thinks about him??? (And if there happens to be some circumstance that prevented dad from talking to bf, that’s for bf to navigate himself)
**Do NOT overstep or you will find yourself single.**