Basically the title. I (23m) would like to develop meaningful platonic relationships with women but I find myself getting attached and catching feelings as soon as we get somewhat close. I then end up thinking they’re “the one” and it’s not healthy at all. It usually ends up ruining the friendship although I am very respectful of boundaries and try to communicate as healthily and respectfully as possible about mine and their feelings and what the relationship is. I eventually end up losing those feelings after we have communicated about the nature of the relationship. And I usually end up getting those feelings for someone else as soon as that happens and the cycle continues. I still remain friends with some women that this has happened with but not as close as I would like to be with them even platonically. I understand this isn’t very healthy which is why I am asking for advice.
I just want some tips on how to not get so caught up in the idea of us ending up in a relationship and to be okay with the idea of us just being friends.
Any advice would be appreciated
2 comments
23 is pretty young and experience is unique person to person I’m honestly hoping for your sake that you grow out of it or burn out on it. I used to have weird kinks I don’t have anymore and weird quirks I don’t have anymore we all grow and change and thinking about this logically has the potential to help accelerate that change.
My suggestion is to invest energy into your friendships with other men in an emotionally deep way.
I remember reading about the common phenomenon of men often mistaking friendship from women as romantic, and it was attributed to the ways men and women have been socialized. Women are commonly emotionally vulnerable with friends, leading to deep and emotionally impactful friendships. They create a vast support system spread over their various friendships, stemming from honesty with their inner thoughts, which tends to develop deep trust. Many men’s friendships are more surface-level, enjoying shared activities and discussing shared interests. Of course, it is not always the case, but how a lot of us have been socialized and how women tend treat friendships is not the same way a lot of men approach their friendships So when women offer their men friends the same emotional support they offer their women friends, it is easily mistaken for more because men commonly are used to only receiving that amount of emotional support from romantic partners.
It is also why it is more common for men to suffer more deeply after breakups or deaths of partners, men are told it is unmasculine to be emotionally vulnerable with anyone and without emotional support and no one to share the burden, it feels a lot heavier.
All that to say, investing emotionally into your friendships with other men will likely help you keep your feelings platonic when cultivating friendships with women, so you don’t mistake emotional depth for romance.