Should I (25M) show this breakup letter I wrote to my GF (32F) of 9 months in a last ditch attempt to make our relationship better?

Hey everyone. This is a long post. I apologize, but to those who can read through the letter I wrote in a depressed state to my girlfriend this morning regarding breaking up due to striking issues in the relationship- I’d appreciate any feedback.

I don’t want to breakup with her. I want it to work out so desperately. But I wrote this because I’m feeling somewhat hopeless. I’m wondering if I should just bite the bullet and leave it on her bed and be gone when she gets home or if I should show her the letter and break it down and try to fix things. I feel I elaborated on my feelings better in the written form than I could if I were to state them plainly in conversation with her.

“Dear (Her Name)

I don’t know exactly how to start this. I know this is probably the last thing you expected when you got home from work today, and for that I truly apologize.

I haven’t been feeling well recently about our relationship. There are times when I’m overjoyed to see you and brimming with that familiar feeling I have for you, Love. But then there are so many times when I don’t feel that same energy back from you, the same passion that I need and desire from my partner. I can see you trying hard at times to love me back in your own ways, and I have always appreciated those efforts to be sure- but there is a huge part of me that feels like we shouldn’t have to try so hard. Not that being in a relationship is easy; but ours has been extremely difficult at times for me mentally and emotionally. I’m sure in some of the same ways it has been difficult for you as well.

The reason I’m writing you this today is to let you know that I can no longer see you. I know this is a shock for you. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. In the rest of this letter I will outline for you the reasoning behind my decision.

There are many times in our relationship where I wanted communication and didn’t receive any. Times when I didn’t feel seen or heard by you. I want to say that I don’t hold any of this against you. I know communication is hard for you because of how you were brought up. That being said I can’t continue to try and make up answers in my head for questions that I have that remain unanswered , as they have been eating me up inside and making it hard for me to move forward in my own life.

It was hard for me to understand why you would keep certain people in your life that didn’t love you or appreciate you when you needed or wanted them to. Difficult for me to process why when we would be together you would feel the need to talk to them instead of being present in the moment with me. I often felt your attention was divided unevenly between all of the different people you were talking to and sometimes it felt like I was low on the list despite being your partner. To be clear, you are entitled to have relationships with whomever you wish in your own life, but many of those you choose to keep I feel are detrimental to the development of a healthy relationship with me.

It was hard for me to fully trust in our relationship at times due to the fact that there was a lack of transparency between us from the outset of our relationship in January. I was very upfront with you that I wasn’t seeing other people after our valentines date. I know you continued to see other people until we became official near the end of March. In many ways, I know I was chosen by you over those people to be your partner and that you were just exploring your options as you are entitled to do when dating, but It has been hard for me to recon with that fact because we had spent so much time together by that point and had such a great chemistry together and I felt I had proven myself to be trustworthy and worthy of your full attention by then. I feel you would have known it would hurt me somewhat to know this. Perhaps that’s why you didn’t tell me the full truth; and to be fair, I’m not sure what difference it would have made, but it would have been nice to know from you. During those times when you wouldn’t reply to me for a night and I would know you were probably with someone else, it really hurt me to not have that communication between us. As time has gone on, our communication has improved somewhat, but still lacks the kind of transparency and clarity that a truly healthy relationship requires. Sometimes I still feel as though I don’t have the full picture of who you are, and who I am to you. Sometimes I still feel like you’d rather be out there than with me.

To write this has me in tears. I have never loved someone as much as I love you. Never wished to be with someone like I did for you. I can say that I gave my best efforts and that I know despite everything I just said, you often did too. You took me around this city and showed me so many fantastic and beautiful things and places, introduced me to so many interesting and wonderful people- (list of her friends and family whom I adore). I can’t thank you enough for the past 8 months. You supported me by trusting me and allowing me to practice my craft of tattooing on you and giving me a second home to come to when times got hard for me financially. You made this city feel that much smaller for me and I know that I will have much more to look forward to now having seen a lot of it by your side.

I will always have a lot of love for you in my heart, and I truly wish you nothing but love and peace and happiness in the rest of your life. I hope you find someone who will treat you how you deserve to be treated and respect and revere you as you need to be. Going forward, I hope you can start to see that you are worthy of these things not just from another person, but also from yourself. I beg you to never allow yourself to be treated as any less than exactly what you are, because you are one of the most beautiful and unique people I’ve ever known and loved.

Going forward I’m not going to be a ghost. I’m not going to block you out of my life and you have my number should you need me for anything at all. That being said for now I do require space and time. I ask that while we are both healing from this that we keep communication to a minimum so that we can both properly heal and move on. Maybe one day we can return as friends, maybe more. Time is strange and sometimes things are given to us by the universe that we can’t fully appreciate at that moment but may be able to down the line.

Thank you for everything (her name). May the universe bless you with everything you desire.

With love and light

(My Name). “

TL;DR – wrote a breakup letter to my GF. I don’t really want to breakup but I’m at my wits end with the problems outlined within the letter. I don’t know if I should just do it or if I should show her the letter in hopes that she will understand and try to work through things with me. Please advise.