I started seeing a friend of friends \[M34\] last month, we were really into each other, lots of things in common and great fun company to be around. We had sex pretty early on but I felt it was okay because we had such great connection. After we had sex he said I should know he had just recently gotten out of a relationship where he was in love but she not so much. I would be okay with this if he had not just pretty much ghosted after the fact. He was never a huge texter but this was different because we were not interacting. He had a huge work project that he was starting the day after we were together and I thought I’d give him some time and space since I knew he would be very busy. I waited a week and since I heard nothing from him I decided to go ahead and text him, I told him it was okay if our whole thing was a one night stand but that I’d like to know if that was the case so I could adjust my expectations and efforts. He replies back that he thinks I’m an incredible person, that to him it was not a one night stand at all but that he needs some time and space to solve the feelings he still has for the other person and that he worries that he wants to treat me like I deserve and not hurt me. He told me that he did not want to close any doors but that we should take things slower. I’m okay with this and I don’t push. We pretty much did not communicate for another week until he texts me one night at 2am asking me if im free the day after and I notice he deleted a bunch of messages. I was not available and we decided to talk again to schedule for another day. I tried but he was busy and we ended up only actually meeting 1 month after sleeping together, because I had something to give him. In this meeting we talked about a bunch of things but we never mentioned what had happened. He told me he wanted to meet me again and hugged me and gave me a kiss on the head but still we pretty much don’t text or otherwise communicate. To be honest I do have some feelings for this person and at this point, with the lack of communicating and meetings, I just feel very used and dumb. If I had known beforehand that he was recovering from a relationship I would have not slept with him. I held on to hope since he said he wanted to keep the doors open and take things slow but now I think he just wasn’t brave enough to tell me he has no interest in me. Should I give him more time or should I just give up? I don’t want to text him again about this because I agreed to give him time and I’m afraid that if I push the subject this will only make him more distant. The subject just really being if I should stay invested or not. I do respect his space and time to recover but I do feel like I’ve been put on a leash and I’m afraid of just wasting my time and energy and emotions on someone who just could not be honest with me about just wanting sex and then discarding me.
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\*\*tl;dr\*\* slept with someone who told me after that he had feelings for someone else but wanted to keep the door open, now I feel used and unsure if should keep waiting
4 comments
Give up. Stop investing.
You understood this correctly. He wasn’t brave enough, or self-aware enough, or selfless enough, to just end the connection with you. He probably does think you’re a great person. He probably didn’t want it to be a one time thing. But he wasn’t able to step up and make it anything but that.
Cut the leash.
You should absolutely block and move on. He treated you poorly. Despite his flowery protestations to the contrary, he did exactly what you suspect he did. He wasn’t honest with you, used you for sex for a one-night stand, and only afterwards came clean about his unavailability.
Be aware that he may come sniffing around again – but it won’t be for the reasons you’d like.
Move on. He was using you.
You’re stringing yourself along at this point. No action on his part is actually an action