Just looking for some advice, tips, tricks, techniques, even other resources. Scary thinking about it so just trying to educate to be more prepared.

31 comments

  1. First figure out if keeping the unplaned IS a “we” decision or a “she” decision.

    Why? – coz if you do not say it now (while it might still be possoble to cancle your subscription to parenthood), there will always be the little doubt, making you doubting your future family.

  6. I don’t know, I just trusted my guts, talked and sang to the baby when it was in the belly (also laid my hand on the belly so that the baby would come high five it 😁), thought about what my parents did to be such great carers, but mostly trusted my guts. I had no doubt I would be great and I am despite the challenges and the mistakes.

    The mother, on the other hand, read tons of books but it didn’t save her from making mistakes and having a difficult relationship with the child now.

    With your first you will make mistakes, feel sorry and learn. Just go with the flow, don’t be too hard on yourself, always put love first, acknowledge your wrongdoings and try to be better the next day.

  7. Sort out money. Get your GED real quick if you need it, get into a trade or on the path to a career. Don’t focus on making lots of money *now*, focus on having lots of money 4-5 *years* from now.

    For *now* money, make a budget to anticipate what you’re going to need and be realistic. For example: you’ve got at least a year or two before you’ll need a new, separate bedroom for the kid… so don’t go freaking out thinking you need a bigger space just because they’re on the way. Read some advice from parents on how to save money, and seriously consider things like disposable diapers. Find a job, or jobs, to make ends meet according to that budget if you don’t have one already.

    After you’ve got a plan and you’ve started making headway you won’t have *that* stress on your shoulders, and you can actually enjoy the prospect of becoming a parent.

  8. Once a month or so before the baby came I would go on Amazon and buy like 300 diapers in bulk. I loaded up on sixes NB, 1, 2, and most especially on size 3.

    I barely had to buy diapers for like over a year.

  9. Two pieces of advice:

    First from my own parents — be an unbreakable team. My mom and dad ALWAYS supported the others’ parent decisions. They could discuss and disagree behind closed doors later, but they were always supportive in the moment — and Jesus ever-loving Christ if you asked mom and she said no then tracked down dad and he said yes not knowing you’d already asked her… don’t come home if you do that.

    Second, from my background as a writer — show don’t tell. Kids mostly don’t learn the lessons you try to teach. They do, however, adopt the behaviors you do. SOOOOO … be the person you want your kids to be. Let them see you be kind, compassionate, forgiving, supportive…

    Last one as a bonus: the time goes fast. Enjoy every second in the moment — every bath, every story time, ever soccer game, every school function. It’ll be draining. But when those days are over, they’re over forever. Don’t let them slip away unappreciated.

  10. 1. Get a crib. Baby has to sleep somewhere
    2. Save up for diapers, but babies can change a lot so don’t stock up too much on any given size just yet. A box of Ns, 1s, and 2s will probably cover you (and if your baby is too small, you can just hang on to the other sizes until they grow into it, but if the baby is huge and outgrows size N or 1 quickly, at least you aren’t stuck with like 5 boxes of diapers you can’t use). If the baby starts having “blow outs” (poop coming out of the diaper), it’s probably time to go up a size.
    3. Get as many of your baby clothes from secondhand sources as possible. Babies don’t care about fashion, they just care about being warm yet not hot
    4. Learn how to change a diaper (getting a doll and a small box of diapers is really good practice) and how to wrap a swaddle. You’re going to get really good at both of those things regardless, but it’ll help alleviate some of the nerves if you’ve been practicing
    5. You and your wife/girlfriend/co-parent are going to be *incredibly* sleep deprived for a few months (babies need to eat a lot to grow, but they have small stomachs, so they need to eat a small amount frequently). Be understanding with each other. Practice being patient and ways to calm yourself down. The last thing you want is to blow up on each other just because you’re both tired. When it’s not your shift, try wearing earplugs and an eyemask to improve your sleep quality as much as possible. If you have the space, it would even be a good idea for you to have a designated dark/quiet/sleep room, where you can’t be woken up by a screaming baby.
    6. Time management is *key* here. If you can, sit down with each other and bang out a schedule. Be sure to include some time each day for each of you to be off duty (that’s not sleep time), and ideally you each should have a day every couple of weeks to be totally off duty and go out to do something with friends. Being a parent is stressful, but you’ve gotta keep taking care of yourself, and that includes taking breaks.
    7. Sometimes babies get bad gas. Get a box of Windi gas relievers. They’re little disposable plastic tubes that help babies pass gas. Shouldn’t be your first response, but man is it helpful the times it’s necessary.
    8. If you wind up using formula, keep some gallon jugs of room-temperature water (babies shouldn’t eat/drink cold things). My sister in law just started doing this and I’m just incredulous that I never thought about it. Way faster than waiting for the water to heat up, especially since you can’t microwave the water or use a kettle for fear of burning. I mean I guess you could but it just seems risky. Having temperature-appropriate water ready to go would have been great.
    9. Check out “The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be”.
    10. Take as many pictures and videos as you can. They’ll never be this small again, and they change *rapidly* during the first couple of years.

    Ultimately, newborns are *simple*, but not easy. You basically just have to change them, feed them, hold them, and let them sleep. Juggling your owns needs is the trick. You have an advantage right now since you and your partner outnumber the kid, so when one is on duty the other can catch their breath.

    It seems intimidating right now because it’s unfamiliar, but once you’re a few weeks in you’ll be an old pro. If anyone in your families or friend groups has a kid, offer to spend the day with them to help out. Most parents will gladly accept a day of help, and you can get some experience under your belt, which will definitely alleviate some of the nerves.

  11. Did you get a say in if you would become a parent? Oh that’s right, only women get to have a “choice” about becoming a parent.

  14. Become a prepper, to some degree. I don’t mean those nutjobs on tv that are some variation of horders, but on a more realistic scale. Canned tomatoes on sale? Buy a case, saves you money and you’ll have it on hand just in case you’re sick or unemployed. Know what I mean? Not just tomatoes, but do your shopping in general like that. Consider if you had roughly a year’s worth of non-perishable food in your pantry/basement/whatever, and you lose your job. Pretty comforting to be able to dig into that and do almost no grocery shopping except for like eggs or milk. Approach your spending like that, if it’s on sale and it’s something you use, buy more now because it won’t be on sale later. Good price on your favorite work boots? Have the pair you wear and a spare.

    Now that I think about it, maybe go ask your question on the prepper subreddit. Perhaps they’ll have some advice.

  15. I’m going to bounce between the positive and the negative. I’m sure a lot of what I have to say will be unpopular, but it’s solid advice. Congrats dad, if you play your cards right this could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

    Get a paternity test. The financial and emotional investment is too high, and infidelity rate is also too high. If you were buying a house from your own mother you’d still have an inspector come check it out first. I’m sure your partner loves you and was faithful, but for only $80 you can be SURE SURE, forever.

    Start reading parenting books. Some have good ideas, some have bad ones. Form your philosophy as a father.

    Become selfless. Get emotionally ready to be treated very poorly by your wife, friends, family and society. You’re an expendable afterthought for the next few years and everyone with daddy issues will project them onto you. Post Partum depression affects men greatly, and we have zero sympathy or resources to deal with it; time to man up and swallow it (but lol try and talk about your feelings when it hits I dare you). You’re the man of the house, even though it’s out of style to say, and that means you’re in service to those around you. Our society isn’t excited about admitting it, but it’s still absolutely true. You’ll give value, don’t expect to have it returned. We all hate father’s day because it’s just a sad reminder of how little those you care for are truly capable of returning the love and effort you give them. Though you will not find reciprocation, you will find great meaning in the selfless service to your family. Truly one of the most meaningful experiences possible. If you do it well, at the end of it all, you’ll get your selfless love returned to you in old age when you’re no longer needed for your productivity and have secured your people and taught them to live on their own.

    The first couple of years is kind of tough, but it does get better. Way better.

    People will tell you ‘everything is going to change.’ but that’s not really true. You will be busier, and that will just mean cutting out things that you weren’t very excited about to begin with. For the love of god DO NOT let go of the things you are really excited about. Maintain your hobbies and friendships. You children will look to you as a model on how to build a good life, and they need to see you thriving in yours.

    Brazilian Jiu Jitsu ASAP. Add in a striking discipline for the boys and any girls with an aggressive temperament. It will not only keep them safe and confident for life, but will stop them from ever being a bully themselves.

    The two best bits of parenting advice I’ve ever heard:
    1) Parenting is gardening not engineering. You’re not going to turn an orange tree into a sunflower. Accept your children for who they are, guide them towards the sun, and make sure they have a safe flower bed and plenty of fertilizer.

    2) When they do something that makes you the most mad, remember that when you’re 80 you’d give anything to go back to the day where they [insert some kind of insanity here].

  17. Don’t be a dummy, cum on her tummy! Lol. Lots of great advice in here. Best of luck!

  18. Well…when my first child was on the way…the first thing I did was have a panic attack and shit my pants. After that, it was just simple procedures of making sure we had a crib, clothes, diapers stocked up, and whatever else we would reasonably expect. As for my second child less than a year later, we just shrugged, chucked it in the fuck-it-bucket and handled business. What’s one more at this point?

  19. Start doing more activities with your partner… consider doing a vertical mile together

  20. If my ex is anything to go by when I got pregnant and it was unplanned:

    Don’t call her a cunt, don’t hit her and don’t drop the baby.

    He’s a piece of shit.

  23. Look for deals all the way along at your local store and stock up on nappies and even baby milk powder closer to the due date. If times are tough just get the essentials. Your child wont care if your pram costs 200 or 2000. Also after birth do not let the child go to sleep in your arms and try to move him to cot/crib. Did this with my first and it will break you both. With second put a radio on tuned to a local station that would play the current hits. Put baby in crib. Unless it’s a panicked cry don’t go near them. After a week or so they will attribute the music as sleepy time. I swear to christ at 5 years old my son put on cocomelon about 20mins before his bedtime, I left the room for a vape, 4-5 mins later I came in an he was asleep on the couch. He’s 7 now and still has a radio in his room and is asleep about 15mins max after we say good night.
    Best of luck and even though you might be experiencing the worst time of your life at some stage, 5 mins later you could be experiencing the best moment of your life. Also whoever said that childbirth was a beautiful thing must have been blind. I have a strong stomach for guts and gore but ‘delivering’ the placenta was more akin to a farmer pulling something out of a cow. Best of luck to the three of you 😊

  24. My best advice is as soon as the baby can sit in a baby bjorn or sling, get one, each night at 7.00pm on the dot, there’s a 50/50 chance your baby will start to scream for absolutely no reason at all and if your wifes been looking after it all day she’s going to be stressed as hell and at the end of her rope. Put the baby in the baby bjorn, switch on your play station and spend the next hour playing GTAv or whatever while stepping from side to side in a slighly bouncy way back and forth. This works like magic to stop the screaming, your wife gets some time off and you get to play video games guilt free. Wim /win /win.

    Also, to get the baby to sleep at night, load it in the pram and go for a jog, again, wifey gets some alone time, you get your run in and the baby will be rocked to sleep.

    My other peice of advice is that if you’re sharing bottle feeding, get one of those little cots that fits in the middle of your bed, put the expressed milk in the fridge but take it out at bed time, it will be the perfect temp when it’s time for the night feed and you won’t have to get out of bed to feed the kid, so the whole exercise takes about 5 minutes, you don’t even need to turn the light on and you get to go right back to sleep. All these people who say “co-sleeping is bad blah blah blah” can honestly go fuck themselves, anything that makes your kid feel secure and loved is a good thing.

    these are my best tips from having 4 babies in 4 years. Good luck soldier, you’re going to need it.

    oh, one more thing, your mother has forgotten everything she ever knew about raising babies, so has your MIL. Don’t listen to their advice, just do what feels right for you.

  25. Patience, support, and know your kid will have just one shot at seeing how awesome you are.

  26. Best advice I got as a new parent: Don’t do anything once that you don’t want to do one thousand times.

  28. Don’t buy a bunch of baby crap. The only 2 things we used regularly enough to justify their costs was a sling and a simple umbrella stroller.

    When the baby is under 1, let it sleep in your bed with you. They sleep better that way because they feel safe and it makes night feeding way easier, if your wife is breast feeding. You’ll all get a lot more sleep this way.

  29. Don’t co-sleep. My daughter’s former basketball coach accidently fell asleep on the couch with the infant on his chest. He rolled toward the back of the couch in his sleep and the baby slid down and suffocated. He never emotionally recovered from that horror.

  30. Two pieces of advice:

    1) Don’t listen to parenting advice. Nobody knows what they’re doing, every kid is different and you’ll figure out what works for you and your partner.

    2) Spend as much as you can afford on a great stroller that works for your lifestyle. You use it for way longer than you think and way more than you think.

  31. I am going against the grain here and advise working on your relationship as number 1 before working on anything else. Once the baby arrives, your relationship is likely to face its most difficult stage. You will both need to work on it tooth and nail and then maintain. Parenting will be a cakewalk compared.

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