My girlfriend(18f) has sent a lot of nudes to other guys. How should I(18m) feel about it?

33 comments

1. People have their pasts and if that’s not something you feel you can get over or even want to, don’t date her.

2. Nobody can tell you how to feel. That’s up to you. This is a part of her past that can never be changed or erased so if you’re uncomfortable with it then you should consider moving on. But you should realize that everyone is going to have a past so it’s completely up to you where you want to draw the line.

3. Was she under 18 when she did this?

   If so, you should tell her to delete all of those pics. She can get in trouble for possessing them even if they are just of herself.

4. Don’t do anything get another girlfriend

5. If this isn’t something you can get over, then break up with her. Personally, I view that type of behavior as an indicator of a major character flaw.

6. If this happened before y’all started dating than don’t worry about it, if it happened while y’all dating that I’d worry

7. I’m conflicted with my answer:

   On one hand, the past is the past. This sexting (even, perhaps with strangers, though is an extreme for sexting) was done before she knew you. You can’t change that. Can you accept this fact? You gotta decide for yourself. There is a bigger picture that I address further down though.

   On the other hand, I think the bigger issue is her current take on this. I am not sure being proud or justified is quite the right attitude (certainly not feeling shameful about it either); I think a *healthier* attitude is one where she learned to respect herself more and not want to do it again.

   ——-

   I guess I get what the people saying “it’s in the past, if you have a problem with it leave her” are getting at, I think that is an oversimplification of the situation and the possible choices. Rather than leave her or not, I suggest option 3. Perhaps ask her “would you do that again, if you’re ever single again?” and if she would, that would be more of a red flag. Either she wants attention or has an unhealthy self view. At that point, you would have to evaluate what to do.

   Perhaps you could discuss with her, the views of her body, self-respect, and self-esteem. Even if they are healthy, it would be a good communication exercise for the relationship. Otherwise try to figure out *why* she did this- her motivations and if they *currently* exist. That is what you should be concerned about.

   There will be people that shame you for being concerned with this; I say there are legitimate and illegitimate motivations to the concerns. Might as well focus on what can be changed or has a positive impact on the OPs future regardless of the outcome of the relationship.

   —————

   Either way, it sounds like she could have been 17 at the time? Have her delete those pics so she doesn’t (in the unlikely chance, but still a chance, hence why it’s called unLIKELY) get her name in police report and get some skevvy (but not felony deserving) people in trouble.

8. If she was under 18 she distributed a lot of child porn.

9. If she doesn’t do it while in the relationship then I don’t think you should really hold it against her. Her past is her past and I assume you’re giving her that validation

10. If she doesn’t regret it, maybe it’s not really in the past.

11. Stop simping and drop the 304.

12. Lol it’s gonna be a problem if those guys start sharing it. I’m assuming she sent some before she hit 18.

13. You’re asking Reddit how you should feel about something?

    Go reflect and figure out how to feel on your own or talk to a therapist or friend about it. There’s no right way to feel about something like this & you shouldn’t need strangers to tell you how to feel anyways.

14. She did nothing wrong by you, but boy if this isn’t one huge red flag. A woman who is boosting her confidence by sending nudes to other men is gonna have a hard time being a good girlfriend and a good wife. Hope for the best, but I don’t believe in miracles.

15. You “should” feel however you feel about this situation.

    There is no right, there is no wrong.

    The entire situation is subjective on either side.

    Some people say somebody’s past has no effect on their relationship, whilst others, including myself – say that somebody’s past will effect a relationship and how you feel.

    The reality of this situation is in todays age, most people would of sent nudes to somebody. Whether it was a situationship, a person they were talking to or a partner.

    Think things through. Does it affect you to the point of ending the relationship. Are those people in contact with her.

    Best of luck 🤞

16. Well that’s her past, she did that before you both together.
    But on the hand, you have to observe does she still need outer validation like that? As I knew no one change that fast, and you’ll be left to fight the entire army of hotdogs all the time

17. That’s not your girlfriend.
    That’s Our girlfriend

18. Character is all that matters. This shows a lack of character. I.e she for da streets.

19. If it wasn’t a problem for you, would you be writing this post?

    Seems like it is my dude. So that’s how you feel. You feel bothered.

    Next question – are you bothered enough to leave her?

20. Naaaa dude, she needs validation, that shit not going to stop because she is with you.
    Plus she don’t recognize that she has a problem. RED FLAGS DUDE

21. Better dodge that bullet or get shot by cupids arrow and feel the sting later.

22. 304 shit

23. This is a red flag to me. People say the past is the past and it shouldn’t matter … and that may be true if she did this 20 years ago. She’s 18, and her ‘past’ was yesterday. People don’t change overnight, and the need for validation didn’t suddenly go away. If that doesn’t bother you, then great, but I would personally aim higher.

24. She ain’t the one bro

25. I advise you stay away from someone like this. It’s not smart to send nudes so thoughtlessly. Seeing how she has no regrets what’ll stop her from doing it again if she feels she’s not getting enough affirmation from you. There will inevitably be moments like that. She is clearly insecure if she gets her validation from sending nudes to a bunch of creepy people online that

26. I dealt with 2 ex’s like that and learned my lesson. Just know your the next guy in line and shes a player, it wont last much longer, trust me. I was naive when I was your age as well. Dont let yourself fall victim of gas lighting. Think about the guys you dont know about that she texts on the low locally, and not random internet people (which i see that as a partial lie.) No way all these people are randos on the internet. See through the situation G. Sending nudes to guys isnt looking for confidence, its looking for sexual attention.

    Also, you say this was in her “past.” shes 18. Its not like she did this many years ago. Her past was yesterday… lol. People dont change over night G best of luck.

27. That’s pretty disturbing in my opinion.

    If you are sending nudes to over 50 random people numerous times…what else has she done already lol. Especially at only 18

    Idk seems sketch to me. It’s only been 3 months

    If it makes you uncomfortable just bounce man

28. A person asks the world how he should feel about it.

    🙈🙈🙈

    What do you do if we tell you, you should celebrate and feel happy? Would you feel happy?

29. Honestly don’t let anyone shame you here for having standards. Showing your body on the internet or sending it to random men is disgusting. I wouldn’t date her. Have standards. Would you want your daughter doing that? So why the fuck would you date someone who did that?

30. If you can live with it leave it alone, if you can’t leave her alone.

31. Former sex worker here- I can’t tell you how to feel about it. This is one of those instinctive “gut checks” you get to learn how to do to figure out what *your* boundaries are, how *you* feel about it, etc. Remember your boundaries can only control your behavior and no one else’s.

    It’s her body and she’s entitled to express herself as she wishes. I’m curious when she began showing her body and whether she was still a minor at the time. I’m curious what happened in her life that taught her that using her sexuality/body to gain attention from men was the best, only way of getting validation. Is she open to other forms of validation? Is a relationship with you not validating to her and if so, why not? Is she in therapy? If not, she should be if even just to help her find the words to say “I don’t care what anyone says I’m committed to doing this and this is why” and everyone around her would get to learn how to respect that.

    Personally if you were my son I’d ask you to take an emotional step back from this young lady and simply be her friend and give her space to figure herself out. She could be lovely af and a wonderful partner, but I’d want both of you to take some time to figure out your motives and how to work together… 18 is a fragile time for both and it’s ok to take a step back for now.

32. I’d just be preparing for her to start doing it again or cheat. There’s no way someone like that is willing to drop that attention and validation

33. The more you fall in love, the more it will bother you knowing