My boyfriend, I’ll call him Marc, and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and I’m really happy with our relationship. About 5 years ago I dated my “ex” (let’s call him Tim) for about 6 months. Tim was my first relationship and also my first kiss and everything. Tim abused me sexually. I was too young and naive to notice in the beginning but I realised and left soon enough. Whenever he so much as touched my arm I knew he wanted to have sex like within the next 5 minutes. He would put his hand between my legs and whenever I said no he’d give me a maximum of 2 minutes before his hand was back between my legs. I’d end up turning away from him but he still wouldn’t stop until I (young and naive) would give in (about 50% of the times this happened) at some point just to make it stop. If I kept saying no he’d get angry at me, saying that he had to go home soon (implying that we need to have sex before he leaves), that he deserves sex because he just spent 2 hours with me (most of the time watching something he chose) and so on… sometimes when we were making out and I had made it clear that I didn’t want to have sex he’d rub against my thigh until he’d cum in his pants and I felt so so so uncomfortable…
My relationship with Marc is great, the sex is great, he doesn’t coerce or pressure me into anything (I know it’s the bare minimum, just wanted to be clear). However I feel like in a serious relationship he should know about my last relationships and experiences (I wold him it was a shitty relationship but no details at all). I don’t think I could live life with him and just never tell him about my ex…
Should I tell him? Or is this something I should just keep to myself?
I’m a little bit scared that he might not want to have sex with me after he knows about my abusive ex… maybe he won’t find me attractive anymore or he might be scared to do something wrong?? has someone experienced a similar situation?
Tldr; my ex abused me sexually and I feel like it’s something I need to tell my boyfriend and some point but I’m scared it might change how he sees me/that he won’t find me attractive anymore
1 comment
If you are ready to you can tell him. If he decides not to have sex with you because of it then he’s a shitty guy. However he may feel he needs to be more careful with sex because of it. Let him know that you enjoy sex with him as it is.