I’m 25(M) she’s 21. Very beautiful girl. Knockout type. Really smart too. I saw her and just… Yeah. We talked about books and stuff and then I asked for her number.
Spoke to her later setting up a date and we went on a date a few days later. We had a great conversation over drinks and she told me her life story basically. Trauma, abandonment, being disowned for having a kid from a one night by a dude in high school. I thought holy shit this is a lot. 3 year old kid by a deadbeat dad while still going to a ivy league school is something I admired though especially after being disowned by her mom for 6 months.
I gave her the gist of mine but didn’t go into detail. I have a 7 year old boy I had with a girl I was in my first serious relationship with in high school. I was a bad kid in high school and it was a miracle I ever got into uni and am now doing ok. I liked her honesty, I guess.
We kissed, made out and all that while waiting for the cab.
Saw her again when she came over to my place..more conversing, playing her favourite music, the jazz music she’s ashamed about, I guess. I could see why she liked it coz I had a jazz phase once too.. her complaint about me was not texting enough. Like, I only text when I wanna see her. I say, well you could say hi too.
We didn’t sleep together that night but we cuddled and kissed and I guess taking it slow was something I was fine with. I had slept with about 5 girls before I met her within 2 months and had a girlfriend when I first moved and we lasted a month before she went back home. I actually encouraged taking it slow.
Then she goes home too for the holidays. And I don’t text enough or call. Mostly coz I’m thinking, I’d rather see you in person, talk here and now because people are different from over the phone. Talking on the phone or texting is so uncomfortable for me.
Last weekend she says I can’t do this with you because I specifically told I need you to give me attention. It’s my job as her pursuer to do that. Not hers to beg me. And also she knows how much I like her but what I did before is the bare minimum for what I’m supposed to do while pursuing her. I should be doing all that.. I said that’s literally why I did that, to show you that I am at least willing to the minimum that most out here won’t even sniff at. You also don’t know how much more I was willing to. But because I’m not all up in your face you think I’m somehow not genuine with you?
Anyway, she had a looooong phone call with her friend and I guess the friend told her to drop me. And that’s wild because I knew what to expect as soon as she posted that video call with the friend, but I still don’t think I really did much wrong.
I’m still getting over it tbh. Idk why I like her that much because she’s got actual baggage. Are looks that important to me? Anyway, Im taking time off dating. Sex. I’m probably gonna see her again when she comes to my work because of an application she did when we met. I’m not gonna make it awkward.
4 comments
>And I don’t text enough or call.
How much did you do, exactly?
>I specifically told I need you to give me attention. It’s my job as her pursuer to do that. Not hers to beg me.
First, this is complete bullshit. Don’t chase narcissists like this. It’s never ever for them.
Second, it’s probably just an excuse because she changed her mind for other reasons.
You put in absolute little effort, man. I know one sided texting is annoying, but texting every 3 days implies you were not interested.
This is on you. I can see how your lack of communication had her questioning your interest, especially in the beginning stages. Women need assurance that you are willing to put in effort for them, even if it’s just a ‘how are you’ everyday. You trying to see her is not enough, and she probably assumed you were interested in her for the wrong reasons.
You failed as soon as you let her unload on you. When you let a woman turn you into a therapist, you automatically go into the friend zone. That’s why she never had sex with you. You were probably failing other tests she was giving you as well. The whole texting excuse is just a mirage. You could have texted her ten times a day and she would have come up with some other excuse. No amount or kind of “attention” would have been sufficient.
Think about it, she is telling you that you are supposed to be the “pursuer”, but look at her history: flings with jocks and bikers–independent alpha-types who had a lot of women and probably didn’t give a shit about her. Does that sound like someone that likes to be pursued or like someone that likes to chase after men? Why was she attracted to you in the first place? Because you are such a thoughtful, conscientious guy who texts his mother every 5 minutes? No, it was because she could tell you were another bad boy.
When women introduce an arbiter into the equation, in this case her “girlfriend”, it is a 100% indication that a test of some kind is involved. Also, the presence of arbiters or other third parties is a clear sign that your performance on the tests is reaching the terminal stage. You failed this final test because you backed down and sucked up–you were inconsistent. If you had stood your ground and just refused to text her or submit to her “pursuer” BS, she never would have left you, and you might have turned things around even at that stage.
I recommend reading [books on dating psychology](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/14ro9tv/for_men_books_that_will_improve_your_skill_with/) so you understand these situations and so you don’t screw them up in the future.