Advice? New love interest of 2 months 23/M. His ex 40/F anonymously texted and added me 28/F on FB to tell me he’s a cheat

(23M) we’ll call B, reached out to me (28F) 2 months ago via mutual hometown friends on FB. We immediately clicked and we’ve spoken everyday since. We’ve become close pretty fast. 100% cut from the same cloth. Feels like we’ve know each other longer etc. Once I realized his age I obviously questioned if he was too young for me. But he seemed mature and independent.. until this last week.

I woke up to a text from an unknown number and a friend request on facebook (who I later suspected was the same person who texted me. (Early 40s F) we’ll call her M. I suspected this because she wasn’t mutual friends with anyone from my hometown and her profile has the same current town as B)

In the text this person knew my name, asked if I knew B.

I replied ‘who is this?’ And sent B a screenshot asking if he knew the number.

I continued with my day knowing B was already at work and later opened my phone to a string of messages from the anonymous # saying things like “he’s not responding right now because he’s with his girlfriend” .. as if they guessed I’d already asked B, and he hadn’t responded yet..

To summarize they told me “girl to girl he’s bad news”. Told me he’s a double timer, has a gf etc.

I’ve only encountered a situation like this once before. I’m the kind of person who just wants a few receipts/screenshots, or a logical explanation. Then, I’ll back out no questions asked. He’s yours if you still want him. So I didn’t really question the anonymous # at first.

But, the texts were vague. This person refused to tell me their name, how they got my number, gf’s name, or any details at all. Plus, I was once stalked by an ex for 3 years, so I was more creeped out/scared than the average person might be. Just by the way the whole thing was going down.

The entire time I was basically like “thank you for looking out. I have no problem stepping away. You can call me so you’re not putting anything in writing, all I want from you is to make it make sense. Tell me how you got my number, explain who you are, how you knew he was talking to me etc. Then I won’t speak a word of this to him. I’m more terrified that a stranger got my number than anything.”

The anonymous person kept deflecting and being vague. The conversation just felt off.

B calls me asap and tells me it was his ex. I ask multiple questions trying to make sense of what happened… B explains that he is on her phone plan, and can’t switch to his own plan until his phone is paid off. According to him, she saw the text messages via the service provider app. I didn’t ask about the FB request yet because I didn’t want to

He tells me he contacted her and told her it was inappropriate to do that etc. Anonymous # stops texting me. Then the next day I ask B about the FB request I mssg him “who’s ___?” He calls me asap, asks why. I say they added me on FB. B tells me it’s his ex.

Here’s where I’m at.

Pros: His story checks. He was open, he explained everything in a very direct and honest way. She wasn’t (wouldn’t tell me who she was or how she got my number etc.) Based on the difference between the 2 interactions, I believe him over her. He has great work ethic, his emotional maturity, outlook on life, future goals all align with me and what I want.

Brutally honest cons: I now question his judgment, critical thinking, and money management skills. And I question his judgment, dating a woman in her 40s.

Middle ground thoughts: everyone makes mistakes. i.e. I had kids with a man who I look at now and wonder ‘what I was thinking?’. He seems to be learning from this experience. He “protected” me in an appropriate manner. Which is a double edge to me. Endearing/adorable/shows loyalty, but is he aware he might have just given her the reaction she wanted by confronting her?

His explanation for the phone plan was along the lines of bad credit and $6,000 in debt for a car he crashed when he was 20. He’s only paying like $60 a month on. He lives with roommates and he has a decent job. I can’t imagine he isn’t making decent money… enough to pay off his phone fast and pay more on the car..

I cringed hearing this. I’m actually really good at budgeting. Its a nerdy hobby of mine. I sent him the same blank budget template I’ve sent to multiple friends and family members, and I told him I can show him how to use it if he wants.

I dont mind helping him as an equal, but I don’t want to cross the line and start mothering him as we grow closer (i.e. follow up, do it for him etc.) so I just sent it and left it at that. But it will inevitably drive me nuts if he can’t manage his money moving forward. Potential deal breaker for sure.

And I dont know his gf but she did invade his privacy. Anyone who’s dated a person who doesn’t respect boundaries etc. knows how important it is to protect yourself. If I were in his situation I’d probably just stop using the phone all together. Even if it meant going without a phone for a while. Or pay it off IMMEDIATELY and get my own plan. He’s paying it off faster than normal but doesn’t seem too rushed. I dont like his mindset on that. Allowing the extra layer of chaos in his life in order to keep a phone.

What are your thoughts? Run/red flags everywhere? Give it a minute and see? I have a mixed bag of feelings. My instinct is to wait and see because everything else about him is great. But a 2nd opinion would be good.