So I’ve (M29) been dating a woman (F26) for about 2.5 months, we met in Paris but have had to do long distance. She’s currently in Portugal and I’m in Paris. She’s going to live in Portugal for the next 6 months at least, but says she wants to come to Paris after that.
She’s from Mexico, and this is her first time living away from home at 26. We’ve messaged every day for 3 months and seen each other face to face twice, she came to spend 4 days with me in Paris a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing.
We’re seeing each other again soon, but recently she told me she’s “tempted” by a guy in Portugal. She’s said I’m amazing and she wants to be with me, therefore nothing will happen. However she also said if I “allowed” her to hook up with this Portugese guy, she would like me even more.
She said she doesn’t want an open relationship, but it would be “fragile masculinity” if I had an issue with her hooking up with someone else whilst we’re in the “early stages of dating”.
I really like her, but feels like a big red flag.
Thoughts?
28 comments
Lol don’t fall for this garbage my dude. She’s tryna have a relationship with no responsibility. You’re doing your part but she wants to dabble outside and come back when she’s done.
Firmly tell her she can go hook up with this other guy at the expense of the relationship. The Choice is hers. Even after saying this, It’s possible she would still do it behind your back cause how would you know.
Big big red flag
She wants the best of both worlds. Security from you while sex with others. By saying “fragile masculinity” she is using passive aggressiveness to gaslight you.
Edit 1: apparently used the wrong phrase. Correction: she is manipulating you not gaslighting.
She is bad news and you deserve better. Sorry about this.
Haha. She’s not suited to long distance if she can’t even remain faithful.
I’d finish with her if I was you. She WILL fuck this guy whether you give her permission or not. You just won’t know about it if you say no.
You will therefore never know if she’s picked up any STD’s either because she won’t tell you.
Break up and save yourself future problems.
She already hooked up with him.
She wants to make you a cuckold
She probably already fucked him too
Yeah, dump her immediately. Why would you stay with someone who immediately pulls the manipulation card when she wants to fuck another guy. Tell her you’re obviously too fragile for her nonsense, and forget her contact info. Do not even bother trying to “work through” this by telling her no or cOmMuNiCaTiNg anything about this issue. Just dump, or you’ll spend the rest of the relationship with her manipulating and insulting you every time she wants to fuck a new guy.
> she also said if I “allowed” her to hook up with this Portugese guy, she would like me even more.
Her sleeping with someone else will make her like you more, somehow. That guy has a magical dick I guess.
>it would be “fragile masculinity” if I had an issue with her hooking up with someone else whilst we’re in the “early stages of dating”
She doesn’t get to define what masculinity is, and having boundaries is not related to masculinity. You can have certain boundaries even in the early stages of dating.
This long distance relationship thing won’t work with this woman, so either turn this into a casual thing or just move on.
Reverse the cards and say ok you can do it, but so can I. See what her response is then..
Run! This will go on throughout your relationship. Be thankful that she is showing you who she is early on. You have very little invested at this point. Not worth continuing for anything more than fwb.
Dude, you’re being gaslit and manipulated. Wanting a monogamous relationship is NOT fragile masculinity, it doesn’t have anything to do with masculinity.
It’s simple: she was polyamorous relationships, you seem to want monogamous. This contrast can NEVER work without someone getting hurt or unsatisfied.
Break it off and move on.
Don’t be a cuckhold. Drop her and have some self respect
It’s only a 2.5 months old relationship and this is a huge red flag, so big that it’s blocking the sun. Move on.
Do a reverse uno. Tell her if she’s not feminine enough if she won’t let you sleep with another woman. 😃
She doesn’t want an open relationship because she doesn’t want you hooking up with other girls. She wants her cake and eat it too.
Or she’s keeping you around as free Airbnb in Paris. Just break it up, not worth it.
Hey, I’m a guy from Portugal! But dont worry about me.
Anyway, she’s emotionally manipulating you. She is just being an asshole and honestly that is a red flag.
Just stop messaging her.
“Oh, you slept with other guys and now I like you even less.”
She probably aleady fucked him and trying to guilt you now
Lol just block her
She already done it man
Set her free if you really like her but it would be good if you begin to like yourself too
Dump her and move on. She wants to do what she wants while keeping you locked down. It’s been 3 months not worth the aggravation
At 29, do you need this kind of drama in your life?
That’s some grade A manipulation.
No way I’d put up with that if I were in your shoes.
She’s already done it. It always happens in long-distance relationships. Just break up and meet someone else in Paris. You/new girl move out from Paris? Break up again and look for someone else. Good luck.
Dude, stay away from that. She is a cheater through and through. She is even trying to insult your intelligence by saying you have ego issues if you have a problem with her having sex with other guys. So unless you want to.play yhe cuckold, drop her like a hot potato and find a classy girl.
She already did something and is trying to get you to say yes so it doesnt seem guilty. I’ve been in this position. Was With a French latina. She was around guys a lot and didn’t want me to comment about it while if a girl came near me she would lose her mind and could even fight said girl. She said she only wanted to be with me, because she loved me and sees a bright future with me.
But she wanted to hook up with all the other guys. She told me the same gaslighting “fragile masculine” issue to hide what she was doing. Man when I broke up and went nc she went nuts. Trying to reach me by any means necessary. So op what i would say is dont fall for this like I did. That might not be the same woman but this action speaks. That if she did it once she can do it many times in the future. Are you ready for that OP?. If you aren’t, please dont walk this path.
Ghost her. You lost her before she even mentioned this. Stop the LDRs and meet someone you can connect with in person.
As soon as she said ‘fragile masculinity’ I would show her exactly how fragile it is by ghosting her.